Same college, bad idea?

Avatar for ribrit
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Registered: 02-24-2001
Same college, bad idea?
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Sun, 09-19-2010 - 5:09pm

I went to the same university as my brother. HUGE mistake. But the relationship there was very dysfunctional and my brother was a big bully and caused me troubles the entire time.

My son has 2 colleges that are his top picks, one being his top pick and the other being his 2nd choice. My daughter has lots of colleges and universities on her list. My son, who is very smart, but has some special needs (ok, autism spectrum disorder), he needs a college that is a very good fit for him. I am concerned about his future and his ability to get through things. In the meantime, my daughter could do well anywhere.

The 2 top schools on my son's list are ones that I would love to see my daughter go to also. But I am unsure if that is a bad idea. They are in half their classes together at high school as it is, which has caused a little bit of problem. They are a little like Bart and Lisa Simpson. DD plays by the rules and works hard and gets good grades while DS thinks it is fun to goof off and be attention seeking and such.

My daughter has come to me lately and has said she likes these 2 particular schools, but does not think she wants to be at the same college as her brother. Same high school with same classes has been enough. I am thinking that in 3 years from now, they will be happy to have familiar faces around. But I do not know how to advise her as the situation with my brother was so dysfunctional. I do not want my DD to go through what I went through in college (I ended up having to transfer over it too) but I also think that these 2 colleges are excellent choices. They happen to be a few states away from each other. So, I am concerned about having 2 kids in college at the same time, so far away from each other. Maybe I should not worry. I know some of you have had 2 in college at the same time. I also am thinking some of you were in college at the same time as your siblings. So I would love some of the experienced wisdom filled advice here! Thanks!!

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Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 5:55pm
Just to help clarify, how small are the colleges you're talking about? Would they actually have a chance of being in the same classes? Would they be majoring in the same thing?
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Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:06pm
Back in August you told us that your DD was going into the 9th grade, while her brother is going into the 11th grade, I believe. Two years between them... the answer to this is easy. Big brother gets to choose his school based on HIS interests and needs, what is the best fit for HIM. Then, a year or two later, DD decides, does she want to follow her brother to the same college or does she want to make her own way in a different school. But in no way, shape, or form, should brother's college choices be limited by what little sister may or may not want a couple of years down the road. In all honesty, unless they go to a very small college, being that he's a couple of years ahead of her, they could very well be at the same campus and never run into each other unless they planned it. My sister was 2 years behind me in college, we attended the same school (of about 5,000 students) and the only time I saw her was if we planned to get together for something. I passed her dorm every morning on my way to class and never laid eyes on her in passing in the two years we were both on the same campus.
Avatar for ribrit
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Registered: 02-24-2001
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:06pm

Not majoring in the same thing at all. My son is definitely going to major in Computer Science. That has been his chosen field for years and I know him well enough to know it won't change. He is the one with PDD-NOS. He gets distracted easily and does not have good time management skills. The one school, his top choice, is Cornell College, which is a small college very close to where I grew up. They do one course at a time block program. They have a computer science club he is really interested in. Plus, despite my son's special needs, he is quite smart and tests very well so he may very well get in, he has a good chance. I used to live in that town. While I don't know about now, back then, it had 1 pizza hut in it, I think 1 grocery, you get the idea. The college campus is the town practically. It has about 1100 students total.

The other choice is Colorado College. That is on the list just because it is also 1 course at a time, but we have not looked closely enough to find out if it will stay on the list. We have already looked in to the disability services at Cornell and found out that my son would not be the only one there with autism spectrum disorder and they have experience, so this is good. We are will yet to look that closely at Colorado College. Colorado College is harder to get in to, but location wise, it would be a better choice. So we are looking closer.

My daughter is not positive what she will major in right now, other than for sure it will be science, but not computer science. She loves science and took home final grades of 97 and 99 in biology last year. She is in chemistry this year. But regardless, she will not be in computer science. Colorado College is bigger with 2000 students.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:54pm
No, she is in 9th and he is in 10th. But she has enough credits to graduate early, don't know if she will. So they would only be a year apart. SO, assuming 4 years of college (I know it is generally longer at universities and such, but the 2 colleges in question it is not) it would be 3 overlapping years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 10:59pm
Considering they won't be in the same grade & won't be in the same major, it seems highly unlikely that they will be in any of the same classes even if it's a small school. So since DS has some different requirements where DD could go anywhere, just let him choose where he wants to go and DD can then decide if she wants to be at the same school or somewhere else. They don't have to hang around together if they dont' want to even if they are at the same school.
Avatar for ribrit
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Registered: 02-24-2001
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 11:00pm

I was at a university of 30,000 kids and was assigned to the same food service as my brother so I saw him all the time. It was not a good thing. But I think that was just a coincidence that we got assigned to the same area. Since I never attended a small college, I did not know if it would be a big issue with them seeing each other a lot.

I would never limit my son's choices based on what my daughter's future choices would be. I actually thought that our lives might be easier if they ended up at the same college. Or at least the same state. But reality is, she does not have special eneds to work around and has a list of colleges as potentials that would be called a LONG list in every sense. LOL Doesn't matter, she has tons of time and where she gets financial aid will be end up dictating where she goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 12:26am
My sister and I went to the same small university and even majored in the same thing. Though we got together occasionally, we both developed our own sets of friends and interests.

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:39am

I know Cornell college.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:55am

It is not that I am worried, it was just something I was thinking about. I actually thought it would be nice to have them at the same place. But aside from that, the two are in 3 classes together at school currently...Algebra 2, Chemistry, and I think engineering. I keep getting told on the days they are together, one or the other complains, saying stuff like "I can't stand having him in my class, no way am I going to the same college as him." But it has been going both ways.

Cornell College has a 44% admission rate. What are the "benchmarks" that you are referring to? If there is a clear cut standard for who qualifies, I wonder why so many apply who do not qualify. Just curious. I would like to know what the "benchmarks" are though, so that I can have an idea as to whether he would get in anyway. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 9:44am

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