Scary fact & asking for any help
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| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 12:28pm |
I just found this board, and let me start by saying I do not have a teenager. My DD is 14 months. However I was looking for people who would be more willing to help than my playgroup board.
My cousin is 13 yrs old and starting to go through a "phase". Well my aunt said that she has been playing on myspace and being VERY secretive about it. I asked her to be my friend and she flat out denied me. Which concerns me because she loves my DD and would be able to see pictures of her on there. So I think she may be up to something, hopefully not serious though. Anyway I have made a fake page of a 17 yr old boy (she says she is 17 on her profile). And the scary part is I am not having any trouble making friends. I have randomly asked about 30 teens to be my friend and only 1 person has asked if they knew me! I was shocked!! It's scary to think how easy it is for predators to get into their circle. But my only problem is, since none of them know me, no one will leave me comments, which looks suspicious. Any ideas on how to make it look more realistic, or any help from people who have myspace pages already would be a HUGE help! And if I can help you in any way please let me know. TIA!!
Danielle


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Well, first of all let me say that if MY 13 yr old was going onto MySpace, being secretive about it, and lying about her age and/or identity - there would be some heavy duty monitoring taking place in my house.
Honestly I think my aunt is playing the friend card, which I don't personally believe works because my mom didn't use it with me. But to each his own IMO. What kind of programs would you suggest if you don't mind me asking.
And I made the fake profile in hopes of gaining access to her page. But she does have to accpet me first. So it might be a failed effort.
Hmm - I understand your concern. I did the same thing, actually - to prove a point to my DS (who was 16 at the time) - that teenagers would accept as friends people they didn't know - not only was i accepted, I was REQUESTED!
The one thing I DID do was enlist the help of teenagers I knew - once i had one or two of them in on the scam, it was easy.
How close are you to your cousin? Would it be more helpful to just straight out talk to her about her mom's concerns? And to talk to her about how to be safe on myspace and ensuring she isn't doing anything inappropriate? Sometimes teens will listen to other adults more than their own parents so maybe you can be an influence to her rather than try to catch her doing something wrong.
She probably just wants her privacy, to be quite frank. And she's likely protecting her friends' privacy as well since with access to her page you'd see all their comments as well.
As for the fake account I'd delete it if I were you. It is sneaky and subversive and you might find yourself getting carried away once you do get access to these pages. These kids' who are accepting you without knowing you are showing a marked lack of judgement and you probably won't like what you see on their pages. But that doesn't mean your cousin is behaving in the same way.
You've stated the whole problem in that your aunt is playing the "friend" card.
Let me get this straight. Your cousin doesn't want you as a Myspace friend (which is understandable given the difference in your ages) so you make up a fake ID and pretend to be a 17-year-old boy. Then you complain how easy it was for others to accept you as a 17-year-old boy and you are worried about those who make up a fake ID on MySpace and who are pretending to be what they are not.How do you think those "friends" on MySpace would feel when they find out you are not a 17-year-old boy? And you want advice to continue what you fear others are doing?
There is no such thing as relative morality. And the end does not justify the means.
If you have concerns as to what your cousin is up to on her web page, have a talk with the girl's mother. Explain that you know that your cousin has lied about her age on her page. The mom can then monitor her daughter's computer time and go over the rules on on-line communication:
(1) Never give out personal information.
(2) Never give out information such as where you live and your phone number.
(3) Never agree to meet anyone in real life,no matter you they say they are.
and
(4) Be careful what your post.
Hi,
As the parent of an 18 y.o. and a 21 y.o., both of whom were quite secretive online for a period in their teen years, I have to agree with Marie. If you are the parent, or at the very least a concerned adult (related to your 13 y.o. cousin)I say get some monitoring software. If you can't do that, then speak to your cousin's mother. In my opinion, any parent who thinks their child won't be sneaky online at some point is kidding themselves. Every kid sneaks things at one time or another. It's part of growing up. And being sneaky on myspace can be really dangerous.
As a parent, particularly of younger teens, I don't think you have to be worried about snooping through your kids' online activities. You're the parent and their safety is your responsibility. You wouldn't let a child run out in the street, nor would you knowingly allow a child to go to a party where there were drugs or alcohol. Why would you allow them to make 'friends' online??
Keep in mind that most kids today are very savvy online, and they can hide things from their parents quite easily. I struggled with that when my daughter was 14, and believe me, it was scary.
I hope I don't sound like I'm preaching, but when it comes to your child's safety, I think we as parents need to forget worrying about offending them, and instead worry about keeping them safe.
Nancy
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