Scary fact & asking for any help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Scary fact & asking for any help
11
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 12:28pm

I just found this board, and let me start by saying I do not have a teenager. My DD is 14 months. However I was looking for people who would be more willing to help than my playgroup board.

My cousin is 13 yrs old and starting to go through a "phase". Well my aunt said that she has been playing on myspace and being VERY secretive about it. I asked her to be my friend and she flat out denied me. Which concerns me because she loves my DD and would be able to see pictures of her on there. So I think she may be up to something, hopefully not serious though. Anyway I have made a fake page of a 17 yr old boy (she says she is 17 on her profile). And the scary part is I am not having any trouble making friends. I have randomly asked about 30 teens to be my friend and only 1 person has asked if they knew me! I was shocked!! It's scary to think how easy it is for predators to get into their circle. But my only problem is, since none of them know me, no one will leave me comments, which looks suspicious. Any ideas on how to make it look more realistic, or any help from people who have myspace pages already would be a HUGE help! And if I can help you in any way please let me know. TIA!!

Danielle

www.myspace.com/seth_warner

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:02pm

Well, first of all let me say that if MY 13 yr old was going onto MySpace, being secretive about it, and lying about her age and/or identity - there would be some heavy duty monitoring taking place in my house.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:11pm

Honestly I think my aunt is playing the friend card, which I don't personally believe works because my mom didn't use it with me. But to each his own IMO. What kind of programs would you suggest if you don't mind me asking.

And I made the fake profile in hopes of gaining access to her page. But she does have to accpet me first. So it might be a failed effort.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:27pm

Hmm - I understand your concern. I did the same thing, actually - to prove a point to my DS (who was 16 at the time) - that teenagers would accept as friends people they didn't know - not only was i accepted, I was REQUESTED!

The one thing I DID do was enlist the help of teenagers I knew - once i had one or two of them in on the scam, it was easy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:28pm
I don't know what you think you will see on her page.....although the fact that she lists her age as 17 and has it set to private is suspicious, since she could put her real age and it would automatically be private. If you want your page to look more realistic, leave comments for some of your "friends"...usually that encourages some response comments. Alot of people will accept anyone as a friend, even if they don't know them, just to have a high friend count. Perhaps she doesn't want you as a friend because a lot of kids post those survey things as bulletins and you would see them then.... My daughter rarely commented people when she used myspace because of the fact that everyone could see the comments. She would message people instead, if your cousin is doing that, even being her friend will not tell you any information. Hopefully it is just her age making her secretive, good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 2:06pm

How close are you to your cousin? Would it be more helpful to just straight out talk to her about her mom's concerns? And to talk to her about how to be safe on myspace and ensuring she isn't doing anything inappropriate? Sometimes teens will listen to other adults more than their own parents so maybe you can be an influence to her rather than try to catch her doing something wrong.

She probably just wants her privacy, to be quite frank. And she's likely protecting her friends' privacy as well since with access to her page you'd see all their comments as well.

As for the fake account I'd delete it if I were you. It is sneaky and subversive and you might find yourself getting carried away once you do get access to these pages. These kids' who are accepting you without knowing you are showing a marked lack of judgement and you probably won't like what you see on their pages. But that doesn't mean your cousin is behaving in the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 3:36pm
Can you just ask your cousin to look at her page? If she says, no ask why not? My DS (almost 12) just got his myspace page and showed me everything on it, which is basically a couple of pictures of his friends and links to some videos. He doesn't really know how to use it yet. But when I was reading his profile, I noticed that he said he was 16! And then he showed me the profile of the girl who showed him how to make it and she said she was 17. I believe that myspace doesn't let you have a profile if you're under 14. I told him to go back and change the age and I also told him why it was dangerous for someone to say they were older than they are. I also emphasized the fact of not giving out personal info like his full name, etc. At his age, and your cousin's, I would be monitoring it more closely. I don't think having the fake page is the way to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 5:37pm

You've stated the whole problem in that your aunt is playing the "friend" card.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 5:55pm


Let me get this straight. Your cousin doesn't want you as a Myspace friend (which is understandable given the difference in your ages) so you make up a fake ID and pretend to be a 17-year-old boy. Then you complain how easy it was for others to accept you as a 17-year-old boy and you are worried about those who make up a fake ID on MySpace and who are pretending to be what they are not.How do you think those "friends" on MySpace would feel when they find out you are not a 17-year-old boy? And you want advice to continue what you fear others are doing?

There is no such thing as relative morality. And the end does not justify the means.
If you have concerns as to what your cousin is up to on her web page, have a talk with the girl's mother. Explain that you know that your cousin has lied about her age on her page. The mom can then monitor her daughter's computer time and go over the rules on on-line communication:

(1) Never give out personal information.
(2) Never give out information such as where you live and your phone number.
(3) Never agree to meet anyone in real life,no matter you they say they are.

and

(4) Be careful what your post.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:51pm

Hi,

As the parent of an 18 y.o. and a 21 y.o., both of whom were quite secretive online for a period in their teen years, I have to agree with Marie. If you are the parent, or at the very least a concerned adult (related to your 13 y.o. cousin)I say get some monitoring software. If you can't do that, then speak to your cousin's mother. In my opinion, any parent who thinks their child won't be sneaky online at some point is kidding themselves. Every kid sneaks things at one time or another. It's part of growing up. And being sneaky on myspace can be really dangerous.

As a parent, particularly of younger teens, I don't think you have to be worried about snooping through your kids' online activities. You're the parent and their safety is your responsibility. You wouldn't let a child run out in the street, nor would you knowingly allow a child to go to a party where there were drugs or alcohol. Why would you allow them to make 'friends' online??

Keep in mind that most kids today are very savvy online, and they can hide things from their parents quite easily. I struggled with that when my daughter was 14, and believe me, it was scary.

I hope I don't sound like I'm preaching, but when it comes to your child's safety, I think we as parents need to forget worrying about offending them, and instead worry about keeping them safe.

Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:52am
I have a my space and i set it up so that i could talk with my dd and my sister and friends in a friend way, alot of children have the profiles set up as privite so that they can and will only accept people that they know, so it gives me a chance to be silly with them and play silly surveys and things like that so it makes a closer friend relationship, i have noticed that i pay attention to who my dd and sister both are friendly with on there and they are only talking to people they have known forever and i talk to them as well because i know the children, most of them grew up in my home, there are alot of weirdos on there that try to get u to talk to them and befriend them or just to send u porn or things like that but u can report those people and they will be deleted, there are alot of kids who may be ebing secretive for a reason and that could be scary even though my space tries to keep those people out it is still a hard thing to do b/c preditors are sneaky, i agree with everyone that u should talk to the mother about using parental controls and not just on my space but on the computer and sites in general, she should explain how to be safe to her child and explain that she is not trying to keep her from having privacy but is trying to protect her which is more important than being her friend, there are ways for her to have privacy and stay protected and i think u should just talk with ur aunt about your concerns and your cousin too but dont tell her u were trying to spy on her b/c that will not go well...its best to just help them both figure out how she can be safe and still feel like she has some privacy...hope this is helpful in some way.

Pages