school bullying

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
school bullying
8
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 8:06am
My 14 yr old son is being bullied at school. Two boys have called him names, taunted, poked and threatened him with physical violence, they wrote obsenities on his locker and vandalized his locker. The school won't tell us what they have done other than "spoken" to them. They moved my sons seat in a few classes, which I think is wrong. I am at witts end. We have given them until today to do something or tell us what they are doing before we press charges against the kids and possibly the school. We don't want to do this but are seeing no other option. We are extremely frustrated. Of course the other boys said my son called them names, he did but not what they are saying and only once when they threw food at him at lunch. The superintendent has not returned my calls. Anyone have any ideas. They have "end of the year" trips and parties coming up and I don't want to see my son excluded.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 8:37am

This late in the year Im sure the school is hoping to ride it out and let it pass, assuming it will get better next year

Mine went through some of this and I wish I'd taken it further-in 20-20 hindsight. So I would support any decision you made to move forward but I have no specific ideas as to how to do that

I am confused as to whether this happened and appears to be done and you are upset there wasnt stricter punishment or whether it is continuing

I think you have more options if it is the latter

Can you clarify?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 9:07am
It has been continuing. Before spring break he had the locker vandalized and written on. Then things were okay for a wk. after they came back. However, last Wed it started again with one of the kids poking him and telling him he wanted to "break his face". The vice principle tells me that she talked to them but won't tell me if they were punished because of privacy laws. If the school is punishing them in some way and doing something we are willing to let it stay within the school and give it one more try BUT they won't tell me anything that has been done except that they moved my sons seat, so we feel we have to do something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 11:12am

I hate the way the public schools view 'privacy'. I can see why specific information must remain private, BUT your son is part of this situation too, and in my opinion, you HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW if action is being taken. Bullying is NOT anything to shy away from. Unfortunately, it's a vicious circle, and if you pursue it, there may be repercussions toward your son....I would PURSUE, PURSUE, PURSUE. No child needs to be fearful or anxious when in school, due to the actions of others.

I'd hire an attorney and have a face to face meeting with the principal. You ought to get a plan in action when they know you are represented and threaten them with legal action.

Not that my story matters, BUT my 7th grader was PUNCHED in the FACE with a FIST out of the blue----not expected, he's NEVER been in trouble---he's my angelic kid. He witnessed a fight on the bus between 2 girls. Just as he's been taught, he stepped away and DID NOTHING. A 3rd girl (best friend of girl that got beaten) came up to my boy and PUNCHED him for not intervening in the girl's behalf. I was livid. I was told by the school that 'unfortunately, this happens all the time'. They didn't cover our medical bills and told us if we chose to take action, we'd have to press charges on the girl. They refused to tell me if or what punishment the girl received for ASSAULTING my kid......

We didn't press charges, but I wish I'd have pushed the school harder for answers.

I hope it all goes well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:10am
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, it shouldn't be happening, and yes, the school should be doing something. Where are the other kids' parents in this mix? Most likely there's plenty of bullying in those homes to go around too - mom or dad beats on the kid, so the kid goes to school and beats on some other kid. It's pathetic. BUT looking at it from an outsider's perspective, if it was YOUR kid in trouble at the school, whether it involved another child or not, would you want the school to give the details of what they've done to anyone who asks? Most likely not - and they can't pick and choose which kids they talk to non-family members about, they are obligated to treat them all equally. That said, gettin an attorney involved is not a bad thing - if nothing else, it will show the school and these other kids that you're serious about your stance... and maybe if the bullies are charged through the legal system there will be a way to get them out of the mainstream of the school system, i.e., alternative schools where they at least won't be disruptive to everyone else.
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:30am

We are dealing with this same issue with my 14 yo DD. Unfortunately, it has not gotten better for us, but I have not contacted the Super yet. The school told my daughter that she was overreacting and that she had a bad self esteem. Only last week the girl stole my daughters shoes at lunch and DD had to walk around bare footed, until she got home. EVEN ON THE SCHOOL BUS!! The teachers did nothing! I am sending you this link. I actually contacted this particular attorney at one point, but DD asked me to step out of it because everyone was calling her a tattle tale. There are so many instances of bullying out there...what can we do?

http://www.kirotv.com/education/4843720/detail.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:26am

Well, I made some real progress yesterday. After all the screaming I have done we are getting somewhere the greasy wheal gets the grease). I started by calling the State BOE and the County Superintendent. The District Super hadn't returned my calls. After going over everyone's heads and threatening to file charges against these kids AND the school for "failing to provide a safe educational environment" we got somewhere. There was a mtg w/the boys and the parents yesterday and they are being punished and it was basically put out that this is it. As the principle put it "if they so much as spit in the parking lot" the school will be coming down hard (expulsion) and we will be pressing those charges against them if it involvesour son. As I told the principle and Super, I just wanted to know that they were handling this and how. The VP would not tell me this and tried turning things around on my son. All in all, after alot of stress and argueing we got done what needed to get done. I just hope this is the end. These boys apparently have a long history of problems and the principle says they are self-destructing and beginning to turn on each other. As he told my son, who has been extremely stressed (he has Tuorrette's syndrom and it has been out of control because of this), he told him that at this point he should relax, enjoy 8th grade and watch them self-destruct because they will mess up again. That's just what they do.

If I were you I would report these girls anyway. I would go directly to your Super and tell them that if someone doesn't stop this now you will proceed further and hold the school responsible. The stuff that is going on is horrible and criminal and the school should not be saying you'r dd is overreacting. Would they like to walk around barefoot all day? Bullying NEEDS to stop and no one should be scared to report it. I know what it does in the long run and I think that has alot to do with how upset I got. I was bullied in 8th grade too. It got to the point where I was physically sick every morning and at my 8th grade picnic I was pushed down an embankment full of prickly bushes.

I think it helped our situation that we had contacted the police and they called the principle to get a picture of what they saw AND they called the other parents and told them that they had been contacted because of things that their children were doing (they never said we contacted them). I am hoping this is the end of my situation. Please let us know how yours turns out...don't let it continue it WILL only get worse.

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:29am

Best advice: just stay on top of it and don't let it go. Go to every level available and do your research. My dd went through something insane when she was in 6th grade - it wasn't another student, it was her ex best friends mother! It was the craziest thing I ever witnessed. This woman threatened, stalked and harassed my dd for 8 months. Circumstances were way different as we were on a military base overseas - I didn't get an end to it until I requested my state's US Senator get involved. I'm not a pushy person, but I really had to come into my own to protect my daughter in this situation and would not take NO as an answer!

Just document everything and everything! You may want to get your son to start carrying a small voice recorder and record the happenings.




Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:09am

We went through a problem in the 8'th grade with school bullying.