School Took DD for Pregnancy Test...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
School Took DD for Pregnancy Test...
42
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:41pm
Hello! I need a second opinion here. We just found out Friday that my 14 year old daughter had gone to the school nurse with a story about sneaking out of the house and going to a party. She said that someone had slipped something into her drink and she woke up with no clothes on and believes she had been raped by a 15 yr. old boy. I guess this had happened in March and she was afraid she was pregnant. The school arranged for her and a friend to go down to Public Health for a pregnancy test, which was negative. My husband is furious!! He is wanting to press charges against the school and have the school nurse fired. I don't know... I know the nurse, just not personally. I would hate to be the cause of her losing her job, but I don't believe she handled the situation in the right way. Shouldn't we, as parents have been notified? We ended up finding all of this out Fri. from dd's counselor. I had received a release in the mail from the nurse wanting to correspond with the counselor so I signed the release. All of the above had already taken place though. What are your feelings on this situation? Was the school in the wrong, or are we just overreacting? Oh, and I guess what happened with dd is that she has been sneaking out and having consensual sex but panicked when she thought she was pregnant so made up the story. But that is another subject...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 8:37am

In PA she would have to get a judicial bypass in order to get an abortion without your consent.

http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_PIMA.pdf

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 9:23am
Well said.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:39am

Oh, when I called the sheriff's office in my case, believe me they WANTED to talk to the young man (senior while my dd was a freshman!!!)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 11:22am
Thank you for all of your replies. They young man is this case is only 15. He is just one year older than my daughter. He is a smoker, drinker, pot smoker and has no parental supervision at all. We have had problems with his "group" all school year. My daughter had told us she was hanging out with a different bunch of kids. Meanwhile she was sneaking out at night and having sex with him. We would have known this 2 months ago had the school nurse told us. I do understand though that she may not have been able to do that. The nurse is the one who called the counselor wanting info and to talk about my daughter. The counselor told her she needed a release from me before they could correspond. I had never had counseling so thought it was normal that the counselor would correspond with the school. I guess that should have been a red flag. Thanks for all of your advice though. My daughter was checked into an inpatient facility on Fri. because she was talking of running away and suicide with the counselor. We pick her up today. I am not ready for that.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 11:59am
Again, good luck with your dd!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:13pm
Your situation is clearly different than a relationship between a 17 yr old and a 15 year old having consensual sex which is what Rose was referring to. I'm sure Rose can defend herself on this matter but having been lurking on this board for the past 2 years I know that she understands both sides of many situations having gone through so much with her own sons and daughters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:32pm
You're so right - and I've argued that side of this arguement in the past.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:39pm

{{{hugs}}}, mom. I'm sorry that the school nurse didn't contact you about this. IMO, she should have made that call, or at the very least, had the school counselor do so. Due to her age I feel you should have been notified. However, due to confdentiality laws these days, I can also see why you weren't. It's not right, but it's the way it is more and more. The parenting of OUR children is being taken out of our hands and it just makes me ill beyond belief.

I sure hope that you're able to get your dd some help so she is stabilized. I imagine she is on some type of anti depressant. My 17dd has dealt with suicidal thoughts before on two occasions and I know how devastating that can be for a parent. You want to do fix everything, yet it's out of your hands to a degree. Just remember to be there for her, let her know that despite her poor choices, you love her and are there. It's very difficult to strike a 'normal' balance in keeping a watchful eye on her while allowing her to be a normal teen. Many gentle hugs - remember to take some time for yourselves so you can be refreshed and rested well enough to handle everything coming your way. If possible, it might be a good thing for you to take a session and let out some of your feelings about everything. I insisted my H see my dd's counselor and it was an amazing experience for him - he was very grateful afterward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:40pm

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Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:57pm

"If you read my post closely, you'll see I was referring to sex BETWEEN TEENAGERS WHO ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NO MORE THAN A FEW YEARS APART IN AGE"

I'm going to add to this, not that Rose needs to be defended, but as a mother of Boys also, I am very upset often by the attitude in which only BOYS are to blame when kids have sex. My Gosh, we all know that girls mature younger than boys....Girls know exactly what they are doing. If they are raped or it is not consentual, that is a different story....but as far as I am concerned High schoolers..and consentual sex.....they both have the same responsibility's no matter if they are freshmen or seniors. and parents of girls really ought to teach them not to tease also.....sorry but this is a major hot button for me right now, as so many parents of girls talk about how boys only think about one thing....but they don't watch their girls, tease, flirt, and yes, even suggest sex.

just my humble opinion,

Julie