Seeing signs of maturity after blowup
Find a Conversation
Seeing signs of maturity after blowup
| Tue, 09-19-2006 - 8:29am |
While I can't always agree with DD (17) she is beginning to show that she can handle more and more things herself. This is a huge improvement over a year ago.... there is hope for you parents who are confused and angst-ridden over your 14-16 year olds decisions. I thought we'd never turn the corner to clearer decision-making. After a big argument with DD in which DH got involved, she made it clear that we are trying to control her too much. She went straight from swimming to her BF's house without asking. I had dinner made and had college-related things to go over with her so needless to say, I was angry that she didn't come home to handle those things. DH got involved by calling her to tell her to come straight home and proceeded to lecture her on her choice of BF (which was unrelated really, but it bothers him so I guess he chose that time to bring it up). She cried and said she hated us and that we are WAY too controlling. After about 5 minutes, I went to talk to her and she was willing to talk. We had a decent conversation about her needing more space to make her own decisions. I tried to explain that the reason we have a short reign on her is due to dangerous situations she has gotten herself into in the past. But I agreed to give her some freedom, but in return we expect her to have the courtesy to touch base with us, and ASK if it's okay to go somewhere after practice or when we are expecting her home. DH always wants to lecture... and has a hard time LISTENING. When I bring this up with him, he says I am turning on him... noooo... I am just trying to get him to have a TWO-WAY conversation because I think it's only fair and more effective. He will continue to not like the BF and I know now that I will not bring things up about the two of them, lest he will hit her with a lecture again. She going to have to figure out whether the BF is worth hanging onto... but I do see signs of her being able to do that. A year ago... oh my gosh... she was being so mistreated by ex-bf and just let it continue. Now, at least the current BF is nice to her. I don't think he has much of a future (has drug arrests and just recently returned to HS after dropping out for a year), but she will have to figure that out. He is 16, and seems to be making somewhat of an attempt to turn his life around. I, too, am trying to not have to know everything that goes on. Now that I think she makes more mature decisions, I think I can do that. I am loosening the reigns and saying a prayer.
Deb
Deb

<<>>
Sounds like that has potential for the title of a book about parenting teens!
Good luck-I hope she surprises you!
Deb, isn't that nice? I'm so happy that you're seeing signs of maturing in dd. Likewise, my 16dd, 17 in October, has really made some strides this year as well. It's so nice to see her actually caring about getting her work done - and about the quality as well! She talks with me more and actually wants to hang out with me more, even to the point of telling bf she can't hang with him because she'd rather stay home. Wowwo.
I'm happy for you!
Good for you, how wonderful. I think you're doing the right thing, give her a chance. I have seen some maturity in my ds16 (17 next month!) lately. Nothing huge, but just him expressing himself. He and I have never had trust issues like the way I do with my dd14, but we do get into it alot over homework and schoolwork issues. Last night he said, "Okay, can you just not 'yell' at me because I can't hear you any better when you talk that way." To me, that is big b/c he is telling me what he needs. Btw, I wasn't 'yelling' again, that is the way he 'hears' it. He has some auditory processing issues we suspect, we are having him tested. Anyway, my voice was annoyed, and angry.
I think it's a huge leap when our teens start to 'talk' to us and tell us what they need from us - not that they'd like for us to just leave them alone, but how we can improve our communication.