Send DD to grandparents? 3rd guy! ugh!
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Send DD to grandparents? 3rd guy! ugh!
| Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:38pm |
Now I am quite frustrated. It seems that DD has broken things off with the BF that we just did not approve of due to his lack of respect and other issues, then there was snowboard boy who seemed okay to us but didn't seem to trip DD's trigger, now there is a third guy in the picture. OK get ready.... he got kicked out of high school but should be a sophomore (DD is a Junior), just got out of drug rehab, and has spent time in juvenile detention. I am heartsick. I don't know where I have failed. Since she was a toddler she has been sort of a risk taker... always tended to gravitate toward the naughty kids at playgroup. Sometimes I blame myself for not handling things better when she was little and sometimes I have to wonder if that would have even mattered. I asked her what the heck she was thinking, going out with this guy. She has been pretty tight-lipped, saying next to nothing. DH has really been great lately (after many years of being rather detached), and has talked to her a few times about her choices and how they are limiting her. My parents live down the street from us and I am considering having her pack a suitcase for 4 days and going down there. The reason... she hears virtually nothing I say. She gets along with her grandparents and seems to listen to grandpa especially. He is a great listener and great with advice. I hesitate because I don't want to burden them; I talked to my mom about it and she said it would be okay. The rules would be: come straight to their house after soccer practice, do homework and help pick up around the house. I am ready to commit myself to a depression ward in a hospital. I am curious to know what you all think. She will probably have a fit because she won't be able to do anything after soccer practice.

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Deb
I've never been in favor of "banning" relationships .... makes it all the more attractive to them.... but I think it's perfectly ok to set limits on how/when they see each other. Your dd is old enough to be making certain decisions on her own, but still young enough to require guidance. I would tell her that it is fine for her to see him - in your home - until you get to know him. If he is a person of character, he will respect your rules - if not, he'll bolt and she'll know what she was dealing with.
Please don't be offended by this, but you will do your dd a great service to help her to stand on her own (without a bf) for awhile. You can't just hope that the next guy will be ok ... she has to learn to be comfortable enough on her own so that she can be more selective when the choosing a bf.
jt
Either you let your daughter date, and choose who to date, or you tell her she's done dating... but there is no way you are going to be choosing her b/fs for her.
If your DD is basically a responsible gal who will stand up for right vs. wrong, and you support her in her RIGHT choices, she may be just fine dating a "bad boy."
Deb
jt
Please don't take offense at this, but it sounds to me like your DD defines her self-worth by whether or not she has a boyfriend. She is stringing three different boys along to make sure she has not only 'a boyfriend and a spare' but she's keeping the door open for number three as well, in case it all blows up with the first two.
If any of these boys have a brain in their heads, they'll tire of this game soon enough, she'll be without any boyfriend at all and it will no longer be a concern of yours. Unless of course, you'd be worried then too, because she wouldn't have a boyfriend?
Were I in your shoes and this my DD, I might consider counseling for her to help define and overcome whatever insecurities she is harboring about being boyfriend-less, and to help discover her worth as a female outside a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I think I'd also find a great volunteer activity for her where contact with boys is limited -- like maybe an assistant troop leader for a Girl Scout troop, serving meals to seniors, etc. so she can feel good about who she is all on her own.
It doesn't sound like she places much value on her relationships with other people, either. If she did, why else would she be stringing three different boys along? Does she have any girlfriends that she does thing with? Or does she limit her social activities to things with these boys?
Just my two cents,
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