Send DD to grandparents? 3rd guy! ugh!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Send DD to grandparents? 3rd guy! ugh!
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Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:38pm
Now I am quite frustrated. It seems that DD has broken things off with the BF that we just did not approve of due to his lack of respect and other issues, then there was snowboard boy who seemed okay to us but didn't seem to trip DD's trigger, now there is a third guy in the picture. OK get ready.... he got kicked out of high school but should be a sophomore (DD is a Junior), just got out of drug rehab, and has spent time in juvenile detention. I am heartsick. I don't know where I have failed. Since she was a toddler she has been sort of a risk taker... always tended to gravitate toward the naughty kids at playgroup. Sometimes I blame myself for not handling things better when she was little and sometimes I have to wonder if that would have even mattered. I asked her what the heck she was thinking, going out with this guy. She has been pretty tight-lipped, saying next to nothing. DH has really been great lately (after many years of being rather detached), and has talked to her a few times about her choices and how they are limiting her. My parents live down the street from us and I am considering having her pack a suitcase for 4 days and going down there. The reason... she hears virtually nothing I say. She gets along with her grandparents and seems to listen to grandpa especially. He is a great listener and great with advice. I hesitate because I don't want to burden them; I talked to my mom about it and she said it would be okay. The rules would be: come straight to their house after soccer practice, do homework and help pick up around the house. I am ready to commit myself to a depression ward in a hospital. I am curious to know what you all think. She will probably have a fit because she won't be able to do anything after soccer practice.
Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:57pm
My dd usually dates more than 1 at a time, but what you and I call dating isn't exactly what they call dating, since so much of their social life seems to involve oddly assorted groups, not couples as much as when I was a teen. Reputation is not something they seem much concerned with, and that's a good thing. It would seriously bum me out to have my dd's involved in some stupid sexist game where their reputations are on the line over people's gossip.
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:49pm
I appreciate the feedback and I am now looking at the situation differently. She initiated a conversation with me and explained things to me. She has dumped snowboard boy (though they remain friends) and wants to go out with this new guy. She said his home life has improved and he treats her with more respect that snowboard guy. I thought about what some of you said about the kid needing good kids to hang around. After our discussion, I think she has a good head on her shoulders. I said I would not tolerate drugs OR talking disrespectfully (the problem with the last BF). She said ok. I'm willing to let her "walk on the wild side". I just don't know how I am going to tell her father. He is gone until Sun. Maybe it will be over by then. haha. I did ask her... since she was talking.... why does she want to go out with these risky guys? She said she likes a little challenge. Maybe that will change as she gets older. She will probably want more stability and "niceness." She is a smart girl and after she explained things to me I feel better.
Deb
Debbie

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