Is this senioritis??
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| Sat, 06-02-2007 - 12:53pm |
Today I am stressed. Very stressed. My daughter graduates in two weeks, and although I am excited for her for this next stage of her life (going off to college)I wonder sometimes if I will live through the next two weeks, and the summer!!!! She has had various ongoing problems with girlfriends since about December, and now she is having issues with her boyfriend who is a really nice person. I am fully aware of my daughter's faults, and know that they contribute to all of her problems. But I've talked to other moms recently, and they've all said that this has been an awful year for their daughters!!! Are the girlfriend and boyfriend issues just part of senior-itis? I honestly don't remember having this much trouble my senior year in high school. This should be such an exciting time in her life....and it is...but she is so stressed out, and the result is that I am too. Tomorrow we're throwing her a combination graduation/18th birthday party and all I want to do is sit down and cry. I feel helpless and at wit's end because I don't feel like there is anything I can do to help her through any of this. Like any normal parent, I want my child to be happy.
Thanks for listening.....Nancy

{{{hugs}}} I too have a senior dd and another dd who is in her freshman year at college. I do recall my older dd having periods of high stress and when she was finally ready to talk, she explained that she was nervous and excited and just felt this kinetic energy surging through her that she couldn't get a hold of. She had issues with gf's and her bf at that time and she felt very focused on what she wanted to do (as in a career and college) but very lost when it came to her personal relationships. I suggested that she take a couple of weekends off and just be by herself a little...unwind, find her inner peace, if you will. She took that advice and was able to focus her mind a little. Once graduation was behind her all she had to do was work for the summer and get ready for college - life seemed simpler then. She was fine.
DD17, my other senior, she's in a different boat as she's not sure what she's going to do after HS, isn't even sure if she will pass to graduate (we're pretty sure she will at this point), and her social life is in shambles. She's up one day and down the next. She confided in me last week that she's scared out of her mind to leave school because she won't see any of her friends again. I assured her that she could always hang with them in the summer, etc., but she's still a mess over "everything ending". I just try to reassure her that she can take things one day at a time and just focus on her graduation. She will be buying another car soon (she crashed hers) and so she will be mobile again really soon and will be able to visit with her friends. That's all I can do at this point, is reassure her that everything works out and that she needs to take deep breaths and one day at a time.
Does your dd talk with you about her worries?
Hearts and Roses...thanks for the HUGS!! They are needed. Yes, my daughter does talk to me quite a bit. I expect she doesn't tell me everything :)....but she does tell me enough for me to get a sense of what is going on. The most difficult part for me is to see her cry over friends that have hurt her, or when her boyfriend acts uncaring. As a mom I just want to 'fix it' for her. Of course I can't, and really shouldn't. She has to learn how to cope with these issues on her own, with only some input from me. Some of the issues are real, and I expect some of the issues are just her perception of things. Both of my children have the trait of being hesitant to pick up the phone and make plans. I guess they are expecting rejection or something...I don't know. I've told her one way to stop worrying about her social life, especially with the boyfriend, is to not wait for him to call but rather call friends, make plans, and then if he wants to be included, include him.
I think the mistake I make sometimes is being too sympathetic. Sounds weird, but I think I buy into my dd's worries and upsets too much, and sometimes I think I should just say, "hey everything is gonna be fine...stop worrying so much!" It's a tricky road as a parent.
Nancy
I was pretty stressed out when I was a senior. It was exciting to be "done" with high school but at the same time there was a lot of school work, and college prep and getting through finals with good grades.
It is also a hard time because life as a senior knows it is over. Most of my friend in school had been my friends since grade school. Then when high school was over we all went to college, or to work and life changed and moved on. Now I rarely talk to them and I haven't seen any of them since 2001 when we graduated. Most have moved away or are busy with life and have made new and different current friends.
I was happy when school was over but devastated at the same time. Life as I knew it for 12 years was over and a new chapter was beginning. College was fun but different. I knew in grade 7 that grade 8 would come and the same people I knew would be there, and then after grade 8 would be 9. Now that 12 is done friends will come and go.
Also when everyone is stressed and scared for a new part of life, arguements happen!
I would just listen to her and tell her everything will be ok. She will make new friend in college or at work and life will go on and be ok!
I think it's pretty common for kids to be emotional during this time.
Hi Nancy-as the mother, too, of a senior daughter I too, as I sit here at 1:15 a.m., am at my wit's end with my "graduating on Friday" daughter. I don't know if it's senioritis or just a stage of growing up, but my daughter, like yours, has me wishing I had had all boys.
My daughter too has alot of "issues" with girlfriends and a boyfriend who, throughout this senior year, has been in and out of her life (and I personally like it better when he's at the "out" phase of their relationship and I like HER better at those times too!).
I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but I heard a guest on his show say once that when asked, most parents would say that first and foremost, when asked what they want most for their kids, parents will say that all they want is for their kids to be "happy"; not independent, successful in life, etc....but happy...and he felt that was the problem. That, as parents we work too hard at making sure our kids are happy.
As a parent, I am SO much that type of parent too..to a fault. My daughter had the best birthday parties, was given pretty much anything she has ever asked for, within reason, and since her boyfriend has entered the picture, even have gone so far as to include him in the "giving her everything" process..taking him on vacations with us, giving HER money to take the both of them out etc.
And I wonder where the stress comes from. I have given birth to a daughter who is so insecure and doesn't handle stress herself well, she is a below average student in school who is now realizing that all those speeches about grades "opening up doors when it comes time to go to college" were the truth. She has decided (much to my disappointment) not to go away to college just yet but rather go to a major university's branch campus near home the first two years and then transfer to the main campus 3 hours from home.
I, like you, put so much stress on myself to make sure that her life is going good. Don't get me wrong though; she is a good girl who has really never given me an ounce of worry over what so many parents are facing with seniors..no drinking, smoking, drugs or not coming home at night. For that I am thankful. But, even though she comes to me alot just to listen or for advice, I find myself, for the most part, making her life, my life.
I worry whether she is being treated right by her boyfriend and whether she's got something planned with the girls when she and he aren't together. I pry way too much (according to her), ask too many questions and pretty much "annoy" her when she's not in the mood to talk.
But, when I talk to alot of my girlfriends, who are all mothers of seniors (be it girls or boys) we are all in the same boat. And as much of a pain as she is at times...when she was in a horrible car accident on the way to her prom 2 nights ago (she was the driver of the car to boot with a few friends in it) I came home after going to the scene of the accident and seeing her car and thought I don't know what I'd so if I would ever lose her...they're worth all the heartache and stress.
I don't know if she is your first or not (my daughter is my second child) but my word of wisdom is that in the end...it will all work out..trust me and you will look back on this moment with such fond (you'll only remember the good) memories.
Good Luck.