Set up to fail or no self-control?
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| Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:30am |
This is a moral struggle for me - DD grades are really suffering right now. 3 C's and 1 F in her core classes - she is aware and is trying. As a result of her grades, she and I decided together the computer and phone, as well as social activities, are on a limited basis. She is to start using her agenda - with daily signatures from her teachers that work is being completed and turned in. With each daily successful use of her agenda and once homework is completed she will have use of the computer. This was decided Wed. once I was made aware of her current grades - they had no school Thursday and Friday. Of course it was a fight all weekend over the computer. It is in her room, I have a keylogger on her computer and her computer emails me everytime she gets on the computer. Needless to say it was a long weekend.
If I took the computer out of her room it wouldn't be an issue - but as soon as it goes back in there the hassle begins again. I can't decide if I am setting her up for failure as it being right there is just too tempting - or whether she should be able to practice self-control and resist the temptation.
Today will be the first day of the new rule so I am just trying to figure out the best way to make this a win-win situation. She could surprise me and not make it an issue since she clearly wrote out the rules herself and if the agenda isn't signed by each teacher the computer will be off limits. Or it could be the exact opposite.
Help??


I think giving your DD the room to be responsible and follow the rules (not touching the computer even if it's in her room) is a great start. However, if this fails more than once or twice, I think removing the temptation might be the best solution.
My DSS has a
It sounds like you are really working hard on helping your DD. Why don't you just remove the keyboard when her computer time is up? That's not as big a thing as disconnecting the whole system.
When she earns more time again, you can plug it back in.
I have actually done that in the past and I got alot of "but so and so just messaged me she is really upset...." or "so and so needs to know what tonights hw is" or "omg so and so and so and so are fighting" and then the battle ensues....
I should have added in the original post - all the computers are on the same network - when she annoys me with it, I normally turn off the internet. But then everyone else in the house is on hold with the internet because she just can't help herself. I would just like for her to be able to say to herself "NO" but is this logical for an almost 14yo girl?
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LOL. Probably not. I've been sitting here for the past 30 minutes saying I need to get up and get laundry going ... and here I sit.
I wonder if just saying "no computer during the week at all" would be the answer? She couldn't get caught up in any drama if she doesn't know it's there, right? Also, if so and so really needs to know what the homework assignment is, she can just pick up the phone and call your DD -- or someone else, for that matter. Those telephones, I know they're antiquated now, but they really do still work!
So if as you stated, "She is to start using her agenda" my first question would be why has it taken 6 months for you to say this (assuming school started in Sept)? Our school has many rules, but one of them is, the agenda. There is no choice.
I personally am just not a fan of computers in bedrooms of teens. It's a hot debate between parents of teens, I know. My teens know, you use one of our computers (all are in our home office) and I as a parent often take a look at what you're doing. A computer is a privilege not a given right to these kids.
Sounds like you're not only going to have to check that agenda, but the homework as well.
She's never used the agenda and her grades haven't suffered. The school has the rule but does not stick to it - I wish they would. I even asked the teachers to give her detention if her homework was not turned in - not an option. Cheerleading season just ended (start of the quarter) and that combined with the fact that we are moving again I think are the problems for the slide in the grades.
DD did this same thing this time last year when we moved from Germany back to the states, and with this move going back to Europe, she unfortunately has the tendency to make socializing a priority with an impending move.
I have all intention of checking the homework, not a problem....I continuously see what is on the her computer with the keylogger program - it emails me everything I could possibly want to know, so nothing inappropriate is going on.
It's just the temptation that I am dealing with....