Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2006
Sex
8
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:08pm

My aunt called me in a panic...

They found my little sister's (who just turned 16 on the 4th) digital camera. There were topless pictures and some with caution tape wrapped around her. Then she later confessed that she is having sex with this boy.

My aunt has laid it on me to talk to her. I am 20 and I have a 4 month old...so I know all about the baby business and the responsibilites that come along with having sex.
I really don't know the best way to go about this. I don't want her to hate me but I want to make sure that she knows what's going on.

Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: yanceygb
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:19pm
Be honest. You know how good sex feels but you how difficult it is to be pregnant, deliver, and raise a baby. Tell her that you care about her and what happens to her. That you love her enough to approch her about this. You can't make her stop having sex or keep her from being angry with you for bringing up the subject. If she

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: yanceygb
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:29pm

Get her to the clinic or a gyn DR - she needs to learn about how to care for her body and protect herself from pregnancy and STD's. Give her the opportunity to talk also. Tell her of your experience - she only has her perspective on your life, you need to tell it from the other side.

Getting her on the pill and talking about the reality of teen pregnancy are great places to start, but she sounds like she's really into risque behaviors and that can really be dangerous for her. Not only might she place herself in dangerous situations, but she will get a bad name for herself, which could follow her for years. I'm assuming she's still in HS and has at least one or two years left to graduate. In those two remaining years, does she constantly want to be living down a bad rep? Talk to her about respecting her body, both physically and mentally. Help her find direction and put into place some short and long term goals so she has something to work towards and feel good about. Does she have a job?? If not, help her get one. And take away that digital camera. Ugh - I cringe when I think of where those pics can end up!

You're a good sister and you have a great opportunity to make a difference in your sister's life. I hope you do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2006
In reply to: yanceygb
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:20am
Thank you for your responses. This helps me get started....and what I need to do and say to her. I appreciate it very much! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
In reply to: yanceygb
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:18am

Just an idea , have her take care of your 4 month , and all duties involved for a week end.(with you there to make sure all goes smooth for the baby . Let her see first hand how draining a baby can be on sleep and free time.
good luck

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: yanceygb
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:25pm

Unfortunately if she's already this far gone, having her understand how hard to be a mom will only convince her to ensure she always has birth control handy!!! LOL...

You may not be able to stop her sexual behaviour but you may be able to convince her to be more discrete and respectful of herself. Just because she's having sex with her bf doesn't mean she needs to advertise with pictures. And if she's given these pictures to anyone she better expect them to be sent around to alot of other people!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: yanceygb
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 5:01pm

You got a lot of good advice already. I agree once she's starting having it she's not likely to quit.

"Ginny"

Loving wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: yanceygb
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:23pm

Most school systems cover STD's pretty well these days so you might want to touch on it a little but focus mainly on the emotional consequences. How much it will hurt when the relationship goes up in smoke? How it will feel when the next guy expects her to have sex with him simply b/c she did with the last one? What will she tell her DD when the time comes? How will she feel when she has to tell her future DH that she's slept with X # of guys?

Insist on a doc visit and birth control. Discuss different types and the responsibility involved with each (remembering to take the pill) and the side effects. Explain getting her birth control doesn't mean you condone this but you love her and want her safe.

This can't be a one time conversation. It will need to be an ongoing process over her entire teen life and her guardian must take an active role here.

Also, if your local hospital or boys/girl club has a sex ed program for girls and their mothers, enroll her and go with her. Our hospital has one that lasts around 4 weeks and covers all aspects.

I hopes this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: yanceygb
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 7:46am

I can fully understand why you have been elected to talk to your sis - being just 4 years older than she is, your aunt is probably hoping that you'll tell her the same types of things that she would, but that your sis will listen to you more readily than she would an adult. And I think there's probably some truth to that.

I recently found out that my DD 15 1/2 has become sexually active with her 16 y/o b/f, found out about it about 2 weeks after the fact. What I didn't know is that before taking that step, DD talked to my DIL 22 and my nephew's DW 23. Not sure if DD initiated the conversations or if the older gals did, but from the conversations I've had with DD in the past 2 weeks or so, both older gals gave her some pretty sound advice - and DD received it with a much more open mind than she would have if I had given her the same advice. It does kind of bother me that even though DD and I have a pretty close relationship, she felt she couldn't talk to me about such things. But OTOH, to this day I would rather have a root canal than talk to my mother about anything remotely sexual, but can talk to my friends about such things fairly easily. And I'm glad that DD talked to SOMEBODY who she trusted to give her responsible advice.

I agree with the other posters that you should talk to her about the ramifications of the pictures if you haven't already. While boys don't "brand" girls who have sex with their b/fs as "easy" for the most part, they do have a rather low opinion of girls who have pics as proof that get into the wrong hands. While your sis isn't likely to quit having sex on your say-so, she may choose to do so more responsibly if you give her the strong message that she doesn't want the consequences of irresponsibly sexual activity.
Rose