sex and the 14 yr old boy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
sex and the 14 yr old boy
4
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 10:49pm

Hi all!
This is the first time I have been to this board and I have a problem. My 14 yr old ds's best friend is also my godson. We just found out that there was some sexual indiscretion between my godson and a 10 yr old boy he was babysitting. No penetration, but touching and ejaculation. My godson is currently in a juvenile detention center. He has been there for approximately 6 days. I am sooooo distraught. First off, I feel like this is my fault. He was babysitting a boy that I usually sit, but my dd was sick and having a 10 yr old running around was not going to help matters. I know he what he did was wrong. He knows what he did was wrong. I believe that he will plead to a lesser charge to avoid a trial and end up with 3 years probation and at least 1 year of counseling.

This boy has been part of my family for years. I guess what scares me is that I did not see this coming. He is my godson. I will stand behind him an make sure he gets the help he needs. I just still see him as a good boy who made a REAL BAD decision. I mean I understand what he has done and I put myself in the victims shoes and it would just kill me if that was my ds. But, I can't leave his side. He has been such a good boy! I have asked my other children if anything like that has happened and they all said "NO WAY!". I guess he never tried anything with my kids or his sisters because they are family. I don't know. I am so upset.

Any words of wisdom? Anyone who has been in my shoes?
Thanks for listening.
Chris
Proud mom to ds Ian 14 yrs, dd Mary Jo 16 mos, and stepmom to ds Austin 7 yrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 5:53am

Hugs, Chris, this has to be so hard for you and your family.


If this was a one time only happening, it's possible that it was a very bad choice in teenage experimentation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:40pm
Well, I'm afraid I may sound a little harsh because I'm looking at it from the other side of the fence. I'm struggling a bit with the term "sexual indiscretion" because it sounds like maybe you aren't seeing this fully as sexual assault, and abuse. Also mentioning that there was "no penetration" sounds to me like an attempt to make is sound "less bad". By all means, stand by the young man so that he gets the help he needs - but this is sexual abuse- plain and simple - and not a "bad decision". I'm in no way criticizing you; I'm just terribly afraid that you might be tempted to make excuses for him that would ease your own mind, and not realize how terribly serious this is. You couldn't possibly have seen it coming or known about it in advance, so please don't feel guilty about it - but PLEASE never, ever, EVER leave this kid alone with your children or anyone else's!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 3:30pm

Rose and mom2morgan,
I would like to thank you both for replying. I believe part of my heart break that I am feeling is because I DO understand the importance of this crime. That is why I am so torn. As a mother myself, I have always said the terrible things that I would do to someone who would hurt one of my babies. How eye opening for me being on the other end of this. But, I still love this young man as if he was my own ds. Even though what he did scares me to death, I will always be there for him.

If everyone could just say a few prayers for both of these children that they can heal and move forward.

Thanks again for listening.
Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:39pm
Well, all I can say is that no-one ever knows for sure how they'll react in such a situation. ((hugs)) to you and best wishes in dealing with this terrible situation.