Sex and teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Sex and teens
8
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:18pm
Good Afternoon Everyone,

This is my first time to this board. Honestly, I never thought I wouldn’t be writing for advice so soon on this subject. My daughter, who is 13 yrs old, told me two weeks ago, on the way to the orthodontist, she had sex for the first time the day before. Can you imagine driving to the orthodontist for a check with your child to find out your child is starting to have adult relations? The confusion, the numbness, the anger, I couldn't think, I couldn't breath; I really didn’t have a clue as what I should do next.

To my surprise, I was calm. I asked all the questions which I thought were imperative, I thought. The one question I asked, did you use a condom, “yes she said.” Did it break, “No!” Two weeks later her cycle haven’t come yet. . I took her, as soon as she told me, to the pediatrician who informed us; it was too early to take a pregnancy test. He referred us to a Gynecologist, which we are still waiting to see. Today, I had to purchase a pregnancy test for my 13 yr old daughter. For those of you whom believe you can watch every move they make, you can��t.

My daughter and I, talk all the time. She is fully aware of the challenges that are faced. I’m a single mother, who went back to college to complete my education, so that we can have some what of an advantage in life. It’s not second hand knowledge, she living the struggle. I’ve worked 2 jobs, attended college full time. I’ve paid plenty to give my daughter what is needed to succeed. Now there is a big chance she is pregnant. What can i pay or who i can ask to make this go away. I can't believe she would do this foolish thing, without thinking it through. Right now, I have no clue as to what’s our next step.

I don’t have a question, I just needed a place to go and release my thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: 4042
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:11pm
Hi, 4042,

I just wanted to send hugs your way. I'm really sorry about what you and your DD are going through. This must be so difficult and stressful. It sounds like you're doing all you can possibly do at this point, given the situation.

Yes, you're right. We certainly can't watch them every minute.

I remember putting my mom and myself through this when I was about 15. She was also a single parent struggling hard to better our lives. Fortunately, my pregnancy test was negative, but I'll never forget those tense days.

I'll be praying for you both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
In reply to: 4042
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:56pm
Well, you're more than welcome to post here.

Let's just hope that her period being two weeks late is part of her body settling down in lieu of a pregnancy. If it is just that, I hope that's enough to scare her into rethinking whether physical pleasure or curiosity is worth it.

Let us know ok?

Avatar for yuccabugg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: 4042
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 9:27pm
The stress of the whole thing may have delayed her period, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: 4042
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:44pm
Just sending you a great big hug...I have two teenage stepdaughters and know how you feel...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: 4042
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:49pm
You're right, we cannot be with them at all times + even though we think we know exactly what they are doing, we can never truly know. At a minimum, I think you're lucky that your daughter trusts you enough to confide in you and tell you this, albeit after the fact. I send you hugs + please keep us posted! Hopefully this is just a wake up call to your daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: 4042
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 2:50pm
Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. I put my poor mom through this myself 6 years ago. I was 16 at the time. My Pregnancy test came out positive. I cannot even imagine what my parents were feeling, nor what you are goiong through right now wih your own daughter.

One piece of advice that I can give you is support her the best way that you can, no matter if her test comes out positve or negative. She is young and scared, and believce me she would love to change the past choices she made if she could. She needs your reassurance that you will be there for her, and your love isn't going to change.

If she is pregnant, be sure to talk things through with her, and help her to decide the best choice for her. Although I do not agree with abortion, it may be her choice and yours to proceed with that. Yet, she may choose adoption as well. It may be an extremely hard few days ahead of you waiting to know the results, and if their positive your life could change forever. But don't let it ruin your love, and support for your daughter.

My story was a happy one. My babies father and I, were in love and we have been married for almost 7 years, with 4 children now. We've completed college, and I am a stay at home, while he is a Pilot in the Army. Sometimes our choices, and God throw things in our lives that we don't know how to handle. With faith I believe you can. I am thinking of you both, may you have the patience for the next few days, and god bless you both.

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
In reply to: 4042
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 3:01pm
WOW!! I KNOW THIS HAS TO BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR OYU. I HAVE A FREIND THAT JUST WENT THRU THIS VERY SAME THING. HER DD IS ONLY 14 AND HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO A 8LB.6OZ. BABY BOY! AS I AM SURE YOU KNOW,THERE IS NOTHING I OR ANY ONE ELSE CAN SAY TO YOU TO REALLY MAKE THIS ANY BETTER BUT PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS STICK BY YOUR DD AND MAKE SURE SHE GETS THE BEST HEALTH CARE SHE CAN GET.I WISH YOU LOTS OF LUCK WITH THIS. IT REALLY WILL WORK OUT IN THE END!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: 4042
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 4:46pm
dear 4042, sorry to hear about your situation ! Im amazed that kids still just dont get it after all we try to teach them and the way its so out in the open. You are lucky in the respect that at least you daughter told you and didnt try to hide it.I hope that she iant pregnant and it will just be a darn good scare.If she is pregnant Im sure with your love and guidance you will help her make the best decision for her. You sound like a very caring loving mom .