Sex at school??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sex at school??
4
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 1:28pm
I am new here.. and desperate for answers. My 13yr dd is a good student, active, friendly and social. However, I've recently made a shocking discovery that made me sick. I found a terribly graphic note written to her by a boy ( I later found out is a troubled boy with LOTS of issues) that was basically angry at her for not meeting him for sex at school! It goes on to say that she needs to make it up to him.. and let him feel up her skirt later that day! I'm sick.. I went to her and she said this boy was a friend, but she didn't want to do it and didn't. She denied everything and said she'd handle it and tell him to leave her alone. I couldn't let it go and went to the school counselor. I felt he was using intimidation (bullying) to get her to do this! Well, the counselor called and said that they investigated and that there are rumors that many things between them HAVE occured at school! Some kids even said my dd told kids it did. I'm totally sick. She says that there are rumors that popular girls at school do things. It sounds like some twisted way of social acceptance to at least 'say' you are doing things. I was already on her every move, now I'm REALLY watching her. I can't even believe this and never dreamed it would be 'my' dd. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 5:39pm
I'm confused.. the school "investigated" this by asking around to other students?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 3:28pm

I also don't understand this type of "investigation". How do you know he didn't ask kids that dislike your dd? He should have also talked to her about these concerns. I do hope that you have confronted her about this - but it's going to be difficult for you, as a mom, to tell her that you believe the "rumours" but don't believe her. Still, it needs to come out in the open somehow. Phrase it in a way that doesn't sound like you are attacking her, or that you believe she and not the others, are the ones that are lying. Keep a tight leash on her, for certain - she is only 13!

One thing that always amazes me are parents who don't believe that their popular, good grades-achieving kid could ever do anything wrong. Beware, these kids are often the worst of the bunch! They've become adept and tricking adults and telling them exactly what they want to hear. Someone here once called them the "Eddie Haskell" types, from Leave it to Beaver.

I do think sex in the schools happens. As much as we expect that our kids be protected from violence in the schools, we should demand that they be protected from sex in the schools!

Still, as with the school shooting incidents, where there is a will there is a way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 3:12pm
And she's only 13?!! She's running with a fast crowd to say the least. There have always been "rumors" about the "popular" girls. Generally rumors have some basis in fact. As my daughter used to tell me "that's one reason why they are popular". Unfortunatly many girls do use sex as a way of being accepted into a group, or to feel wanted, or even for the physical comfort that they are missing somehow. Sad to say, this generation does not view sex in the same way as in the past. It is not a big deal to them to do what would have gotten a girl a "slut" label in our generation. Oral sex is nothing more to them than what a make out session was to us. To them you are considered a "good girl" if you have never had intercourse even though you may have allowed every other kind of sex to occur. How have we allowed our daughters in one generation to lose their self respect? Blame MTV, media, bad parenting, lack of morals, etc. But the truth is, we have failed. It does make you sick when you find out your 13 year old may be doing things like this. A healthy view of sex is essential for an adult woman. How do you deal with what has already happened so soon in her life. And what do you say to let her know that this is so unhealthy? I'm not sure that I would not pull her out of the school and find an alternative. Good luck.
Avatar for jobismom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 5:53pm
Does your dd's school have a school policy manual. Our schools do and sexual harassment and bullying policies are in there. You have the note from the boy and that is proof enough of the goings on. I hate when counselors do stupid things like this one did do you feel like you could address this with the school principal directly?? I dont think I could let this behavior go unnoticed. I have a 13 yr old dd and 13 is way too young for this, this boy is no friend to treat a girl like that and if not your dd then some other girl. This age is no way emotionally ready for sex. This boy is a predator using manipulation to get girls to do what he wants. Im sorry for you & your dd to go thro this, best of luck with this and please let us know how it plays out.

 Terry