she has always been like this.
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| Mon, 01-15-2007 - 6:32am |
HI all , Im new on this board , another member told me about you all. I figured since I had 2 teen dd's Id give it a shot.
I have a very narsasistic 16 yr dd. she wants,cosmetic surgery.The in office after insurance is about $30 , but out patient at the hospital is about $250 (you know whitch one she wants)
we sat at the table friday night , I was trying to explain why we didnt have enough money. I ran down the bills .and told her I didnt know if we could even afford my mayo appt.
Heres where the tears burst. and she explained "I have wanted my surgery longer, and you dont know if they are even going to help you" I have thought about canceling my appt. do to $ , but how could she even think , just because this mole (yes mole) which is hidden by clothing , is more important then possibly fixing the pain Im in.
Or maybe I am the selfish one , I hope not. I am just tired of being sick and in pain.
I have been though 4 sugeries in the past 3 years and they have refered me to mayo clinic ,my first appt. is Jan. 17.
Dee

Teens are typically self centered and I know some are more so than others.
It still must be painful to go through a medical trauma and add this burden to the list.
Without revealing info you are not comfortable with, is it possible her reaction is medical? IOW is she thinking the mole is precancerous, etc?
My 19 yr old's dematologist is talking about removing several of his moles as preventive medicine, for example.
Anyway, take care of yourself and tell the dear one she can have the mole removed when she comes up with the money.
My 19 yr old is my self centered one yet I have seen a few glimpses of someone more empathetic in the past 4-5 months. I am optimistic!
If your DD's mole is not suspect, it can wait. If it is, the in-office procedure will certainly take care of it and there is no reason to admit her to hospital. You will just have to put your foot down on this one and she can deal with it.
My DD recently got her ortho off and at her first post-ortho dental appointment, asked the dentist about bleaching because she doesn't think her teeth are white enough. At $500, I don't feel this is necessary at all! The office manager suggested giving her the procedure as a high school graduation gift. If your DD's surgery is strictly cosmetic, maybe you can 'gift' it to her at a later date.
Of course you're not the selfish one!
You know what? Sometimes our kids just have to hear it straight -- no holds barred. Tell her NO, you can't afford it and to save her tears because you have enough problems of your own. If she still bursts into tears about how she hates you and you're mean and selfish tell her to grow the heck up. Seriously. The only way to deal with a self-centered person is straight on. Don't molly coddle her anymore. She's a big girl and if she hasn't figured out yet that you are in serious pain and need to take care of yourself well too friggin bad.
Is the problem that now that you are feeling ill the focus and attention is off of her? Well boo hoo, she isn't going to be the center of attention forever.
Take care of yourself, dear and let the girl cry herself to sleep -- may do her some good -- tears never hurt anyone.
oh, my!
my two cents...
YOU are NOT the selfish one here.
A mole is only a blemish unless itis suspect. My middle ds had a mole removed from his face when he was 5. It had grown to 2mm over a few months time and was very black. He has very pale skin so we were referred to a cosmetic surgeon/ dermatologist. He had it removed in the office. The procedure took less than an hour, and was a complete removal. In other words, the skin surrounding the mole was removed in order to be sure the whole thing was taken care of. Thankfully it was benign. To get to the point, the office procedure is easily done in the office. He had little pain, the meds prescribed were quite adequate to relieve the locallized pain. He was all back to normal in about a week.
Does your dd maybe want it done at the hospital to get more attention? I know teens can sometimes be dramatic and it
Thank you all for listening , I had started to second guess myself. She is a very strong willed person, and I just get tired of fighting . (on any front)
My appt is tomarrow, from there they will decide if I need surgery or what not AGAIN. I pray this will all be over soon, and I can get back to how I use to be.
Thanks again
Dee
I'm glad you found your way over to this board... and I hope you stay with us on both boards for awhile! Please keep us updated.
zz
My DD (17) started talking about having a dental procedure to close the space between her 2 front teeth. I think she is very beautiful (and not only my opinion) and I don't notice the space at all. I told her that even models like Lauren Hutton and some movie stars have a space. But the thing was that her father had caps put on because he has the same space. I believe it cost him $800 and this was a few years ago. Again, the space wasn't noticeable to me. He got it fixed after we got divorced, I guess so he would be more attractive to meet new women (sarcastic). I just don't pay attention to this. Dental ins. doesn't cover it and I have enough to pay for w/ her contacts, not to mention cell phone, internet and other stuff. I tell her that she can do it herself when she gets a job and I don't think about it one second longer. When we were in the office getting her contacts, she started talking about the laser surgery, again which her father had. Another thing she can get when she gets a job.
I figure it's our job to provide the necessities, but as far as cosmetic surgery for teens goes, unless there is something really deforming about their appearance and they would be affected psychologically, I would say forget it. I would support it if someone could afford it (that's the first part) and it was something like a really big nose, ears that stuck out a lot, or something that really detracted. I remember though that my college roommate always said she wanted a nose job when she had a perfectly cute nose. She never got it done and probably could care less about it now, which is why I think most reputable plastic surgeons won't operate on someone very young.
Simple advice from me:
Don't bother cancelling your appointment. Having a TRUE medical condition should ALWAYS trump a minor cosmetic desire. Don't bother to change your appointment. If she wants it off that bad, make her work and save up the money for getting it done.
Good luck!!
Sallie