is she just curious

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
is she just curious
4
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:27pm
Found another note. My dd has been writting notes about her and her Bff. in the notes it is talk of them lying in bed etc and she is the dad and her bff is the mom. i used to think the bff didnt know but onsce found where she was asking her bff to send her pics and she sent pics as well. They were not naked or in underwear but like

Oranda- wife to Cornel Sr.

Mother of- 1 Highschooler- Jasmine, 2 middle Schooler's Coriana and Cornel jr. and an Elem

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:24pm

I just want to start off with saying that I don't think that minors should be looking at porn, no matter the orientation of that porn, or what orientation the porn might imply about the child looking at it.

You ask is it normal. I hate the word *normal* because it's so subjective. The right question to ask, IMO, is (beyond the wrongness of a child looking at porn)...is she hurting anyone? Are her thoughts, feelings, and actions with others hurting anyone? I highly doubt that they are, and so as her mother, IMO, you can relax (as much as any teen's parent can relax, LOL).

Avatar for scoutnut
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 4:07am

Maybe all of this is why she is having problems at her new school?

I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her about what is going on in her life right now.

BTW - since you have taken away her laptop, and cell phone, how is she getting online?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 5:34pm

Notes? Are they back and forth notes or is it more like a "journal" that dosen't go anywhere?



Personally I'd flip about porn on my (or if my child had her own) computer! NOT GOOD CHOICES DD! There are plenty of teen centered "questions you don't want to ask your mom" websites available. A few I have shared with my girls have been Susans Sex Support Site, she has a section of teen links you might like to explore and decide

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:53am

I agree with those who said the issue here is porn, not whether she's bisexual. In my house, porn is against our values because it reduces people to sexual objects, rather than treating them as whole persons with minds and souls as well as bodies.

Is your computer where you can see it? If not, move it there. No 14yo should have a computer in their own room. And have a frank talk about the unacceptability of porn, which includes asking her if she thinks people who make porn are happy with their lives - what kind of lives would they be better off having rather than being prostitutes?

Whether she's gay or bi or straight, what difference does it make? The main thing is to keep her *safe*. My oldest (now an 18yo college student) is bisexual and transgender. My main concern has always, how can I keep her emotionally and physically safe - just like my straight kids. That means no sexting, no photos, no hanging out with people who might want her to do something dangerous that she's not ready for. When she wanted to go to a social center for LGBT people ages 14-24, I said no, because she was only 15 and I didn't think it was appropriate for her to be socializing with college-age people. Explaining to her that *that* was the reason, not that we had any issue with her being bisexual, helped her see that we accepted her, but we have a job to keep her safe. Drawing a firm line about acceptable *behavior* and explaining why it was there - to keep her safe, not to punish her - helped her develop her own boundaries and establish for herself who is appropriate for her and who isn't. Now that she's off to college, she is happy, talks to us every day, and seems to feel free to be herself. That's the goal in life.

Kelly