She lied...and I am so angry and sick...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2000
She lied...and I am so angry and sick...
14
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 4:17pm

DD is 17. She is a very good student, athlete, and basically all-around nice kid. We are fortunate that she has given us very little trouble. We have seen little of her this summer because she has two jobs. Last weekend, for the first time all summer, she had the whole weekend off. She asked us if she could go shopping to an outlet mall a couple of hours away and then stay overnight with her girlfriend. I dropped her off at her friend's house at noon on Saturday and they returned to our house about 10 the next morning. From everything I heard, they went shopping together.

I found out today that not only did she not go shopping, she wasn't with her friend. She was in a completely different town with different people. I don't even know who these people are. I don't know where she stayed. She does not know yet that I know she lied. I am just sick.

What am I supposed to do?

Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 2:45am
Talk to her big time. Be calm, don't go the you are grounded, etc. route, it is too easy for kids to go underground. With the net and cell phones, we can't keep up with their communications. The best way is to get her to trust you with this info. My daughter did something I knew she was lying about. She didn't want others to know something about a situation and she fibbed...I told her calmly I knew...I told her lovingly that all I ever cared was even if she has lied to me up until now...that will be forgiven...but she just has to tell me the truth...that is my only rigid rule...she still didn't tell me the truth until I caught her...but when I did I understood the reason for her doing what she did,,,and told her I would keep her mom-daughter private secret. The mom has to know. Her friends don't. At least in this case. I think you have to keep those lines of communication open. See what is behind what she is doing. You may have to punish her. But mostly you have to understand why she did it and let her know in some deep way that you are always behind her 100
%% I would be upset though...She can't be allowed to do this naturally...but I think understanding, communication and coming to a meeting of the minds is the way to go. Others are hard liners though. Good Luck--let me know how it goes if you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 7:44am

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Sometimes the worst punishment I can give my kids is "I'm so disappointed that you chose to ___________"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 3:55pm

Julie,

Props to you! You handled that very well.

This forum is one of the gifts of the Internet Age. Where else can a parent with a delema get instant feedback from such a talent pool of experience to be able to figure out how to deal with her DD before she gets home from work that night?

Jason

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2007
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 2:55pm

I think my DS17 may have used 3=way calling to snow me on that landline thing. EIther he raced home from the convenience store and called me to show me there were in on time, or he had the brother of the friend use 3 way calling. I think he could dial my son's phone and mine from the landline, and then I'd talk to my son, but only the house phone showed on caller ID. EiIther that, or he really did race home to the friend's to call me, and then left there after calling me, only to stay out until 3 am and ignore many many many phone calls and texts asking him where the HE&& was he and telling him to call me. (I had driven by and knew his car wasn't there..I just knew somehow that this was the night to check) Now I just feel ill and like crying and this new behavior and this dishonest, disrespectful side of him.

He has lost his car keys and phone until we feel like it.
He has ruined our vacation for next week as it will be all tension all the time. Now we trust him less...and we're supposed to let him wander around Myrtle Beach..until what hour??? Dad says he can come in when we come in. It will so fun, NOT.

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