Should a 17yo be punished for a speed...
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Should a 17yo be punished for a speed...
| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 1:48pm |
Should a 17yo be punished for a speeding ticket or is the fine enough punishment
- Additional Punishment
- Fine is enough of a Punishment
You will be able to change your vote.

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Thank you for your advice. Your advice is what I was thinking in the beginning, but someone on the boards brought up a good point about money not being a big deal to teens. So I'm adding two weeks of no driving, which I think will have more effect. He will definitely pay any additional premium associated with his ticket.
Thanks again!
Molly
My son would think the same way. He would much rather pay a fine than do community service. Money doesn't seem to be a big deal anymore to teens.
That is why I decided to add two weeks of no driving. Either I will have to drive him to work and back or he will have to ride his bike, that is if it's not raining.
Thanks!
Molly
I think you're making the right decision about "suspending" his license for two weeks, but aren't you just shifting the punishment off of your son and onto yourself if you become his chauffeur for the next two weeks? Isn't the point of not letting him drive to make him see what life would be like if he gets that second ticket and the state takes his license away? If that were to happen, would you be his chauffeur until he turns 18 and gets to drive again? I think you said he just turned 17, so that's almost a whole year away yet? If it were me and my daughter, she would be walking or riding a bike for the next two weeks, unless of course there's a huge storm or some other unsafe condition that mandates my driving her somewhere. A little sprinkle won't hurt, but a major thunderstorm or cloudburst is a different story.
I know it's hard to enforce a punishment like this, because you don't want to deal with the whining that comes with it and you don't want him to lose his job over being late or not wanting to ride his bike that far. How far was it again? Just a couple of miles I think you said? My son is only 13 and I know for a fact that he rides his bike a lot further than that just messing around with his friends after school every day. If he had a job, I wouldn't call making him ride his bike two miles to work and back any kind of a hardship. I guess I wouldn't let him ride home at midnight or something, but as long as it's before curfew or regular bedtime I think it's fine and even good for him. If you're really worried about it, would it be possible for you and your husband to ride bikes along the route just to make sure it's safe or even possible first? That would also enable you to say to your son "Hey, if your dad and I can do it, you sure can!" Not that you need to justify yourself to him, but that sure does take away the kid's ability to claim you're being unfair or it's too far or whatever. If riding his bike just isn't possible or safe, maybe he could arrange to carpool with a co-worker that lives closeby? Maybe he could just ride his bike over to that person's house and then catch a ride the rest of the way? At least that way he's still taking responsibility for arranging his own alternative transportation instead of you just taking it upon yourself.
I just love this message board. It's so great to be able to bounce things off other parents and get all this great feedback. I'll bet my mom wishes there had been something like this when I was a teenager!
(his dad). Anything she wants, even if both her dad and I have said no, she gets from granddad. It has become a real sore spot, because it isn't just the fact that he's spoiling her with expensive stuff she doesn't need and hasn't earned. Both dd and her granddad are totally disrespecting our authority as parents. It's partly his fault dd has the lead foot and got her ticket in the first place. When she was in driver's ed, I bought a new Honda Civic and I kept my old VW Jetta for her to drive. It's a nice little car and gets awesome gas mileage. But oh no, that isn't good enough for dd. She went crying to granddad and for her sweet 16 he bought her a brand new Mustang! He and my ex are co-owners of their own plumbing business and he has so much money that a price tag like that doesn't mean anything to him. Her car cost more than mine and I work for it! What kind of life lesson does that teach her? I dread the day my son turns 16. There will probably be a Corvette in my driveway.
If money is no big deal with your ds then yes, an additional punishment may be in order. I admit that I have not read through all of the replies, did you say how much the fine was and how much over the speed limit he was going?
My kids were pretty blase about lots of things but money was not one of them--THEIR money, that is! They were pretty free when *I* was paying but they valued their own money. They both worked minumum wage jobs while in HS and sometimes had to work hard to earn it; that made the money much more valuable.
I think that part of the way they put value on money is by how much they have. So if paying the fine and the increase in insurance premium doesn't pinch your ds' wallet then maybe he should be paying his entire portion of the premium?
Maybe you can time collection of the premium to just when he wanted to do/buy something expensive, so he will have to give it up in order to pay the premium. Sounds kind of mean but isn't that the way it works in real life? Just when you're planning a vacation the furnace needs to be replaced or something, and there goes the vacation budget! That's how WE learn the value of money and saving and that today's action may affect tomorrow's plans--which is something that we are trying to teach our teens, right? Hours of "lecturing" won't make them learn that but experience can be a good teacher!
Good luck!
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Same here-I think we think they are blase because they demand the 300 dollar IPOD like WE are made of money but when it's their money, they're charting the gas increases penny by penny.
I think actually getting that ticket might be sobering. After two warnings, he was probably getting a tad overconfident
DH is also an over reactor-he would shout that the car was gone forever or some such nonsense. He does seem to be able to discuss it in a more rational manner 48 hours later but its hard because I want to DEAL WITH IT NOW!!!!
We've had to learn to compromise-I swallow it for awhile and he calms down quicker
Thanks again. I mainly have trouble with the dangerous road his work is on. It's a 55 mph limit and it is frequented by many semi's. I don't plan to bring him anywhere else, other than work. It's a difficult job being a parent and I am also glad to have the boards to get unbiased opinions. My husband and I disagree a lot on discipline, so the boards help to swing us both to the middle.
Molly
Thanks for the advice. My son's ticket is $126. I don't think money is a big deal to him. He too works a minimum wage job, but he has a rich grandpa that gives him money all the time. If there is an increase in his premium, he will pay that increase.
I think suspending his driving privileges will help reinforce the point that speeding is not only against the law, but also dangerous.
Thanks again.
Molly
when my 17 year old got a reckless driving ticket, I took him down the very next day and had him hand over his license. He promised that day to hate me for life! I'd rather he hate me than be dead. I wish WA state had a 2 tickets, revoked until 18 law. DS is back driving now, keeping his foot out of it and "driving as if mom is in the car." I doubt he really drives like that all the time, but since *I* own that car he drives, I can revoke that at any time. Having an 18 year old is a pain in the rear!
Honestly, do something drastic, like take away driving for 2 weeks (or more if his attitude about it warrents it, and be clear about that from the beginning!). You driving him to work puts more on you, but it's also inconvienent and embarrassing for him to have mommy driving him. Peer pressure can be a good thing!
I also, have a 19yo stepson who finishes his first year of college tomorrow, which means he will be coming home for the summer. This is no picnic. They seem to forget all of the rules when they've been away at school all year. He's a pretty good kid overall, but at this age they tend to get the "you can't tell me what to do" attitude.
Molly
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