Should I be angry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Should I be angry?
5
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:02pm

This past Saturday my 14 year old daughter, Jade, was in a car accident. Thankfully, she is going to be okay, but has a long road of recovery ahead of her. I am glad beyond words, that she is okay, but I can't help but feel a little angry with her. That night she was supposed to be at the movies with her friends, but instead she lied to me and went out with her 17 year old boyfriend(who she is not supposed to be seeing). The boyfriend is not at fault for the accident, but if she was were she had said she was, then this wouldn't have happened. Are my feelings justified or am I being unreasonable? Also, how do I go about disciplining her? I don't want to ground her because I think that she is going through enough at this time, and wont be able to go anywhere anyways, but I do not want her to believe that this behavior was acceptable. Lastly, what do I do about the boyfriend? I did not want her seeing him because of the age diffrence, and limited their visitations to when they had supervision. He is a good kid, but frankly I think that he is too old for her.

Natalie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:38pm
Hi Natalie and welcome to the board.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:45pm

Are you being unreasonable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 8:05pm

Thank you both for your responses. I have talked to her and her boyfriend about the situation and have laid down some rules. I do not think that he is really a bad guy and I don't think that he will try to take advantage of my daughter. Jade is doing better and is attempting to go back to school next week.

Natalie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 11:59am

I completely understand your anger at DD for lying to you and disregarding your wishes about seeing her b/f. Hugs to you and your DD for what you are now going through.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of grounding anyway b/c all it does with my DD is make things worse. She gets so frustrated and her self-esteem drops. I normally try to use major chores as punishment or I might ground her for a weekend with the option of working off a night. My DD will do anything to get her freedom on a weekend.

In this case, I feel that the recovery from the accident is probably going to teach her a lesson that no grounding can. I would talk with her about her lying to you and her disregard for your wishes. Explain to her that she has broken your trust and now she must earn it back. Tell her you will be checking up on her every move until you trust her again - then do it. If she says she's going to Susy's house, then call Susy's mom and make sure she has been invited. Call later and make sure she's actually there. I would also talk with her b/f. He knew that she wasn't supposed to with DD. Be sure that he understands that he's lost your trust as well.

Good luck and I'm glad that your DD is going to be okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:23pm
Number one, you have every right to be angry. How many times we hug them because they are safe but want to harm them for doing what they should not have done. Number two, no punishment. She is being punished already and she knows it. I'm sure she understands that her behavior was unacceptable because you have had that conversation with her by now. Number three, I wonder if the 17 year old boy's parents wouldn't like to know that he is dating what was once referred to as "jail bait". Under no circumstance would I allow my 14 year old to single date anyone but especially a young man that much older.