Should I Pay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Should I Pay?
20
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 12:46pm

This is a small thing, but wwyd? Some of you know that dd14 was depressed last year, well she seems to have come out of her funk (still got teen attitude, don't get me wrong) and isn't wearing black much anymore. She also wants to dye her very black dyed hair back to its original brown color. Unfortunately, the only way to do this is to pay what will probably come to $130 to bleach it (only way to get black out) and then dye it brown. Normally, I would say "gee honey, I guess you've learned a valuable lesson. Let me know when you've saved up enough money." But speaking of picture day, it's coming up and I myself would sincerely love a picture of her with her natural color. So I'm sorely tempted to pay for it myself.

Yesterday after food shopping with me she suggested, "mom, if we don't buy food for one week you can afford to get my hair dyed." Thing is, her brothers have gotten used to eating. I can come up with the cash, I know, but what will that teach her? I can also have her meet me halfway by paying for part of it out of her allowance. Any other suggestions? We don't have much time - picture day is October 2nd.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 12:59pm

I think I'd be of your opinion to pay for it for her to encourage her more appropriate behavior trend.

Could you front her the money in exchange for some future chores around the house?

I'm glad she's more pleasant to be with and seems happier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 1:03pm
You've given me a great idea. I've been painting the inside of the house - I think I will enlist her 'help' to work it off. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 3:23pm
Personally, I would pay for it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 3:32pm

Well, this sounds like progress! If it were me, I'd probably go ahead and pay to have it done. You know it's going to look particularly nasty during the growing out phase if she has to go that route, and worse if it doesn't get done properly via an experienced person.

I like the idea of having her work off part of the expense with chores, and since you've got a major painting job underway, why not let her help?

It sounds like things with your DD are improving -- I'm happy for you!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 6:00pm

I expect most moms here would say either she pays for all of it or you split it but honestly if it were me, I would pay for all of it before she had a chance to change her mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 6:20pm
You make a good point. I am making the appointment asap! LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:01pm
I had to laugh when I read your post...it sounded so familiar to me. When my son was just starting his junior year, he and some of his friends, decided to try to dye his brown hair blond. Of course he knew I was against this, but went ahead at the friends house anyway. (I was a little annoyed at friend's mom for allowing it, since she knew I was against it, but he was 16 and knew it was wrong.) Anyway it turned out ORANGE. My DS has beautiful curly hair that he was letting grow out. He didn't want to admit it but he was horrified at what it looked like, asked his sister if it really looked that bad. I cut it short, which killed him, and yes I took him to my stylist and paid for him to get it dyed back close to his normal shade. It cost $100, but like you pictures were coming up, homecoming pictures and also his sister's confirmation so I did not want the orange hair in all the pictures. I didn't make him pay, I figured it was a mistake and he learned his lesson. If it had happened again I most definitely would have made him pay then. If you want her to understand that correcting these whims sometimes costs money, then maybe institute a payment plan for her for part or all of the expense?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 4:09pm
I have to say I would also pay for it and work out a deal where she chips in a certain amount or helps out around the house. In general, we pay for regular hair maintenance and they pay for "extras", but in this case it seems like a good idea to encourage her in this direction
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 6:24am
I'd pay in a minute. Out of black and back to normal in time for pictures? Oh, yes. There's no lesson to be learned other than what she already has. Prolonging the change will just make her more aware of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 12:30pm

I'm a new lurker on this board and like you, I'd normally have her chip in.. However, I say take her out of school, pay for it and make a day of it! What a wonderful way to celebrate her 'coming out of her depression'! Heck..take her to the mall for a new outfit for her debut at school as her new, wonderful self! Give her all the positive reinforcement you can!

Denise

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