Should I tell the girl's mom?
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Should I tell the girl's mom?
| Mon, 09-17-2007 - 8:30am |
A former friend of mine who I have just lost touch with because we've moved a million times (but we were very good friends for about 5 years) has a daughter that my daughters recently reconnected with via MySpace.

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You say the mom is already trying to crack down, right? I would ask what you would expect to gain by telling her what you know?
I would not tell the mom. If this is on
It is highly likely that the mom already knows and has seen the myspace and is doing just about all she can outside of chaining her daughter to the radiator in the bathroom. Maybe the girl is completely out of control and they've tried everything they know and they are at their rope's end. Could any of that be a possibility?
I understand your wanting to do the right thing. Surely if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd want to know, right? While I agree with you, I speak from experience when I say that it would be very difficult for this woman's daughter to be carrying on with that level of boozing and drugging and have it go unnoticed by her parents. It's likely that they've been battling with her and grounding her and taking away privileges, etc., to no avail. It's possible they are in counseling already and trying to figure out a new course of action. It's possible, as well, that they've given up and are at a loss as how to handle their daughter and are just waiting for her to 'hit bottom' and learn the hard way.
Rather than tattle on the girl, how about if you simply make a call to the mom and ask her how she's doing? Be casual and lend an ear should she want to talk. If she brings up the photos from the myspace, be quiet about what you know. She doesn't need to be further embarrassed and humiliated by her daughter's lifestyle by you. Instead tell her that if she needs to unload in any way or if she needs some moral support that you're there for her. Remember, you don't know anything except what you're seeing on the myspace - there could be a lot more going on at home, at school, etc. If you really feel the need to reach out, reach out to the mother - lend an ear and some support and that's it.
I don't know that the mom even knows she HAS a myspace.
I loved that book, "It takes a Village" and took it to heart. I once told my neighbor that her 8 year old
If your own child hasn't been done this path, or if you dont know your child has been down this path, the reaction tends to be that as soon as you found out you would put a stop to it! So, knowing=stopping.
Therefore, since the girl hasnt stopped, mom must not know enough yet?
Those of us who have been down that road know it simply isnt that cut and dried. As H&R said, you simply can't chain them to the radiator. I found alcohol in my sons room his sophomore year; I moved his room from teh basement where he was sneaking out and I randomly called and spoke to the parents of the homes he was visiting(well, I THINK it was the parents) Did I stop it dead in its tracks? I seriously doubt it; I believe I lessened it and made it more difficult and got MY point across. I felt I did what I could and, as a parent, that's my job!
My interpretation of the 'cracking down' comment was that mom knew already and was trying. I know if I was doing my best with DS and someone had called and told me they saw a picture of him drinking on My Space, it would not have provided any help. I guess I would have said "I know; we are doing the best we can". It's not like I would have tried harder!
I like the idea of calling the mom and just seeing how things are going. You will be doing her a great service by listening and, IF she chooses to confide in you, it will give you a better idea of where her knowledge of events stands right now
I will say that I disagree with many of the responses to this...
Cheryl
If you put a keylogger on your computer you can find out her password.
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