Should I tell the girl's mom?
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Should I tell the girl's mom?
| Mon, 09-17-2007 - 8:30am |
A former friend of mine who I have just lost touch with because we've moved a million times (but we were very good friends for about 5 years) has a daughter that my daughters recently reconnected with via MySpace.

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I have to say I have experienced both sides of this problem. When my DS was 18, the year he graduated high school I had a parent call to tell me about a drinking party my son attended. I already was aware of what had occurred and probably would not have minded being told, except there was a history with my son and this womans daughter. It came across more as she was the perfect parent with perfect children and I needed her help with my DS, that she was trying to "save" him. I have to say I resented it, but a lot of that had to do with the history I had with her family.
My DD had a good friend that like yours moved away and became involved in drugs when he started college. The difference was though that he told her about the drugs and she didn't find out through a myspace, although he does have one. This young man had been very close with our family when he lived here, like a second son to me. I felt I needed to tell his Mom because he was attending school far from home, but was heading home for break, so she could be aware. And that is the way I presented it to her in an e mail, that I was concerned for him, that he deserved better than doing that to himself. I have to say she appreciated the concern I felt for her son and did not mind, she said she had suspected as much herself.
So I think it is all in how you present it to this Mom. You could mention your daughter saw it on the myspace and that kids do put a lot of junk to portray themselves as "cool".
I think if you come across as caring and with an attitude of all kids make mistakes including yours the Mom might not be offended.
She doesn't really use email anymore.... its all iming and text messaging...
we have the teslain kidlogger on downloads.com
It's pretty primitive, and you can only see what your child types in the computer (including her side of IM's, and login information) but it is helpful if you're concerned.
I believe I was the one who made the "ratting out" comment. I said it facetiously--as what my DD might think if she shared info about her friends with me, and I then went and told their parents about what I knew. Obviously, I agree that we have to look out for each other's kids. I'm just saying that I would weigh both considerations. I wouldn't want to close down the lines of communication with my own DD. And with MySpace, Facebook, etc, all of this info is out there for anyone, including the girl's parents to see. We have had many discussions here about monitoring our kids' Internet usage,and this is one example of why it is a good idea!
I have wrestled with this idea on a smaller scale. I have become friends w/the mother of one of my DD's best friends. I found out that this girl has a Facebook account even though she has been forbidden to do so by her parents. There is nothing even remotely bad about anything she has on there--it is all innocent. And I know she is using Facebook on her home computer. Her mother is no fool, so I feel that if she hasn't checked up on the girl herself, I'm not going to say anything. All that would do is force my DD "underground", so to speak. Now, if the girl were posting things about drinking, having sex, etc., I might say something to suggest she look at her computer, but I don't think I'd spill all the details.
My DD also has another friend who isn't allowed to date. Yet, I know that she has a boyfriend that she is pretty serious about. She gets together with him at other friends'houses (not ours!), at the movies, etc. I wouldn't tell her father about this either. She also has a Facebook account, and it's all spelled out right there! If I knew she was doing something dangerous, I'd probably get involved. But if I went around telling parents everything I knew, my daughter wouldn't trust me anymore, and that's pretty important to me.
I know what
This is a tough one, but I do think that if it was someone that I had been close to and just drifted apart Iwould give her a call and a heads up. I would do just as another post said when she got a call about smoking in public.
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