Should the line be crossed.......
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Should the line be crossed.......
| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 4:41pm |
A couple of days ago my DD was what I assume to be checking her VM on her cell phone, somehow she didn't hang up right and it called our house phone back, with the VM options still playing...yes I did it. I listened to her saved messages. They were all of this one kid who she talks to a lot...Swears that he is not her boy friend just a friend. Well anyway this kid is saying how he loves her. not all mooshy and stuff just "name...I love you" kind of stuff... I know that kids her age refer to the love word meaning that theyre good friends and such, I've seen it in her online chats a lot, like from her girlfriends etc... Thing is why would she keep them if they just mean that... I mean they were more than one dating as far back as February. This brings me to the next thing...every time me or SO walk in to her room, she closes her IM chats sometimes even websites. I have considered installing one of those programs that notifies you of all activity on a computer. transcripts of chats etc... I wouldn't consider it if I didnt think she was keeping something from me, and the fact that her performance in school is not getting better. As a matter of fact I have tentative parent conferences with 4 of her teachers in the next few days. What do you think? yay or nay?

I can't really help much with the VM - I don't even think I ever set up dd vm on her cell....ooops
As far as monitoring the internet, I am a strong proponent of it - dd has one on her computer and I would be lost with out. She knows I monitor, that was the deal we made when she got her own computer years ago. It has come in quite handy as far as sneakiness, ie when a friend of her's was here and the friend made plans for a 25 year old friend of a friend to come pick them up!! I would have had no clue and I shiver to think what would have happenend had I not had the monitoring.
I also love that I can see what's going on in her world that she hasn't chosen to share with me and this gives me the opportunity to find appropriate avenues to bring that subject up and have a discussion.
Good luck with the decision and with the conferences!
Is she allowed to date?
I guess if I didnt feel she was breaking a rule or doing something wrong, I would hesitate to take the step you are considering
Right now, saving those messages seems pretty harmless and I close MY screens when a family member walks into the room. Im not doing anything wrong but this is my private time
So, I vote no at this point in time. If things escalate, it might be an option but it seems intrusive and unnecessary to me right now
JMHO
She has on 2 or 3 times gone out in groups (boys and girls) to the movies and to a local grille/coffee shop directly across the street. I drop her off, pick her up kind of thing. We have never talked about her being allowed or not allowed a boyfriend. I figure at her age she likes boys etc, and I do not prohibit her from talking to them on phone or computer. I have even encouraged her to invite them (friends) to see a movie at home or to dinner whether they are boys or girls.
The thing about her closing her chats etc... is that up until a few weeks ago, it wasn't a problem. A few weeks maybe months ago she has undergone a serious change, there were throwing up episodes, not wanting to go to school etc. I have been trying to get her to therapy per her doctors recommendation but I have had no luck, all the ones I have contacted have a full schedule or only have appt available in middle of afternoon which interferes with school.
Your daughter is showing some alarming signs of self-destruction. Jump on this immediately and don't worry about "violating her privacy." Her safety is more important.