Should moms provide birth control?

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Should moms provide birth control?
9
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 11:31am

Other boards on iVillage have been talking about teens and birth control this week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 12:07pm
If my (hypothetical) teen DD asked for BC, then yes, I'd fund it. I would take her to the doctor and have them suggest methods to her.
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 12:13pm
The article says 'teens' but concentrates on girls - do moms provide condoms to guys?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 1:07pm

<<>>

We do provide condoms. We stock a jar in the bathroom. The kids were all told that we'd keep it filled (with no questions asked) and they were to help themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 1:40pm

If my DD was underage (which she is not) and asked for b/c, I would make an appointment for her and pay for it, under our drug plan. Even now, since she is under 24, I would pay for it under our drug plan. What method she would use would be between her and the doctor.

When my DS was underage, if he had needed condoms, I would have no qualms in making sure he had them. But he is now old enough to buy them himself at the drugstore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 2:32pm

We paid for dd19's birth control, although it really didn't end up "costing" us exactly. We always hit the maximum out-of-pocket cost with our health insurance, unfortunately. We have several chronic illnesses that requires lots of doctor/specialist visits.


Dd19 approached us while she was in college and told us that she and her long-term b/f were at that point and she wanted my help and input on her choices, given the many restrictions her meds require. We ended up working with her and my gyno (now hers as well) and she has a 10-12 year IUD (the coppier, not hormonal). It's not ideal for a young woman who may have (eventually) multiple sexual partners, but I do think that she is careful and we have certainly drummed into her head the need for using condoms.


She has dealt with the side effects relatively well - cramping, heavy periods and one expulsion (she had it replaced, and we were pleased that she was checking it regularly). Overall, this is one cost I don't mind paying!


Theresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 3:32pm
When my DD asked for help getting bc, she was over 18, but I would look at it the same if she was under 18. She went on the pill--she does pay for the co-pay. The cost of paying for the co-pay is a lot less than paying for a baby!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 5:58pm

BTDT - told all of my kids from a fairly young age that I hoped they'd wait to become sexually active until they were in a committed adult relationship, but if they chose not to, they needed to always, always use condoms (the guys) plus another form of BC. DD asked to go on the pill when she needed it, which we split the co-pays on... insurance picked up the majority of it. DSs all had jobs fairly young, and I know they had condoms, but we never bought them. To do it again, I'd have a stock in the bathroom available for them if they wanted them, didn't think of that one at the time.

No, I didn't want the kids to be sexually active until they were approaching adulthood, but I wasn't about to deny them BC to prove the point... proving a point with risking their health or possibly a baby isn't worth it.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:04am
The insurance paid for the BC, and we paid the copays until the kids were out of HS and working, making enough to pay for it themselves. And I STILL picked it up if they were short on money, just as I would any other medication they were taking. Condoms they bought themselves, since they could afford it, and they were over 18.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 2:17am

There is a choice that parents can make about providing birth control to their teen. They can choose to not provide birth control and safe sex information which means, also, that they are choosing to be raising grandchildren along with their teens and choosing to deal with the traumas and dramas of sexually transmitted diseases. The other, way more responsible choice is to both provide safer sex information and birth control to their teens.

All my kids were boys and from when I had the first clue that they were starting to think about sex, they got lots of information about how to be responsible to both themselves and their potential partners.

That's pretty vague, so I will elaborate. I taught that unless they were really in love, it was irresponsible to engage in sex, especially by saying "I love you" as a manipulation. I explained how boys and girls are emotionally made up very differently. Guys can have sex without much emotional involvement whereas girls, regardless of their original intention or declaration of sex just for fun, will quickly get emotionally attached with their sex partner.

I also emphasized that even if the girl said she was on the pill or was using another form of birth control, there were 9 other good reasons why condoms were a must, actually, 10 these days. The first nine are the sexually transmitted diseases and the tenth is that there is a new trend amongst teens that having a baby is cool, so just because a girl says she is on the pill doesn't mean she is telling the truth.

Having counseled many teenage girls in my youth programs, I have always said that same stuff but from a girls perspective, like guys ideas of love are real different from girls so don't get sucked into a sexual affair due to his fast talk. I also let them know that it is there responsibility to make sure that a condom is being used even if they are on birth control, for the reasons I have already stated. Lastly, my strong advice to them is that any guy who will not use a condom does not have her welfare in mind and that fact trumps any protestations from him about his love for her.

That was the long answer. The short one is that I believe that it is the absolute responsibility of parents to make sure that their teens are totally prepared mentally, emotionally and physically before they engage in sex. There was always a jar with condoms in it in my house.

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
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