Should we be concerned?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Should we be concerned?
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 4:40pm
13.5 YO DD made a comment to me the other night during a "venting session" that still has me taken aback a bit. She said, "I don't feel comfortable around grown men right now, including you."...the "you" in the statement being "me". I asked her why, but she didn't really seem to know. My parental instinct tells me that perhaps this is a side effect of becoming more aware of herself? DD is nearly 5'10" and is pretty (average looks) and physically looks much older than 13, people often think she's 18. My DW and I are a bit puzzled, especially when even DD can't seem to put her finger on it. DD and I have always been close, we hang out all the time, study, laugh, whatever....etc. Maybe this is just the start of a need for independence?

Perhaps it's a statement made out of stress? DD started a new school this year, and while she's doing awesome, friends are slow to evolve. She's in a class environment that has K-12 mixed. She relates more to the Senior girls (4 of them) than the ones that are her own age, which is causing stress for her too. She has stated that she feels very lonely right now...she is an only child....and most of the kids around her at school have been friends for a long time or have siblings in the school (it's a small Christian private school of about 60 students). This is all causing a bit of an identity struggle for her, which we're helping with as much as we can. Her old friends she left behind when we moved have just about disappeared completely in the rear view mirror...

Anyone have any comments or suggestions? Ideas as to why DD feels uncomfortable? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 5:33pm

I wouldn't worry about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 11-14-2003 - 11:01pm
I agree with Deb, it's just a stage that will likely pass. I remember going through it about 12 y/o too...about the same time I started really being interested in boys. I grew up in a real female household...6 sisters, 2 brothers both much younger than I (I'm the oldest) and it seemed dad was always working, so all males became sorta "odd" when I started being concious of the differences. My DD hasn't seemed to reach that stage yet, and I question if she will...with 3 older brothers who've always had friends hanging around, she's VERY comfortable with boys and men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sat, 11-15-2003 - 11:20pm
Yes this is just a stage. She is in the midsts of finding out who she is and WHERE she fits in this world. She is probably interested in boys but feels uncomfortable around men because that is what boys turn into later in life LOL. She is uncomfortable because she doesn't know how to act around grown men yet. Should she be a "little girl", or a "Sophisticated woman"? She's at a crossroads in her life and is confused. Give her time dad and don't push. She's fine you just need to chill.