Should we let 17 yrs old DS drive to see girlfriend in college?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Should we let 17 yrs old DS drive to see girlfriend in college?
17
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 2:03pm

DS has a girlfriend (since this summer) that left for college in August.

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

Ask yourself these questions:

Are you prepared for what will happen when a tired, Executive Dysfunctioned, distractable, INEXPERIENCED driver gets on the interstate for an hour and a half?

Are you prepared for him to be drunk or high, and behind the wheel of your car?

Are you prepared for him to get busted on a DUI, or for possession of pot, in your car?

Are you prepared to be a grandma?

BTW-- My guess is either the girl's parents don't know about your son, OR they were too closely supervised at her house, and went to your house for more freedom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I wouldn't let him. It's one thing had they been dating for a year, you knew her family, he spent time over at her house, etc. Plus I agree that it seems odd that he never went there because her folks don't like her to have friends over - that does sound kind of fishy unless she has such a terrible home life that she's embarrassed to have him over or something. Also there's the whole fact that he's not made the wisest choices over the last year. Do you really think it's a good idea to cut him loose unsupervised on a college campus for a weekend? I'm assuming if it's so close by she's able to make it home often and they can see each other then. He's still a minor and it's still your car so you still have a bit of control.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
No way. There's a reason why your gut is telling you no. And you don't have to have a reason that your son respects to say no. He's not mature or experienced enough and you're not going to send him 90 miles in a car he can't afford to fill to have sex with his girlfriend in her dorm room. That's reason enough for most parents. I'd do everything I could to let this relationship die a natural death.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998

Thanks everyone!

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

Honestly, I wouldn't let a straight A, straight edge 17yo get behind the wheel for an hour and a half, to go "visit" his girlfriend. With your son's problems, *I* would not have even CONSIDERED letting him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Read my thoughts under NEW DRIVER.

My concern would be that he could come home in a coffin or a jar. Lack of experience can be deadly.

If money is not really tight for you, ride down with him, get a motel room with two beds and read a book while he sees the girl and then ride back home the following day. That would meet him half way, give him more interstate experience, give the two of you some mother son time together, etcetera.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Also, time to talk about issues, tour and talk about his college plans.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
After reading other posts, I see there is a lot going on here that I don't know about so I'll just tell what I did...my DD is 18, has her own car, works and goes to school and she wants to go visit her best friend at college next weekend, also about 90 mins away. It is highways and biways, not interstate, I said no. She can go, but she is taking the bus. I don't feel she is experienced enough to drive that route and I don't feel like spending an entire weekend worrying. She is visiting the very same school I went to and there is direct buses available.
Given your situation, the best parenting advice I ever got was to follow my instincts.

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
I like these suggestions - win-win for all if you have the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I have found over the years that "mom's gut" is a pretty good barometer of what is going on with the kids.

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