sibling academic difference

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
sibling academic difference
1
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:45pm
Do any of you have two siblings very close in grades and very different in ability?
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 9:08am

My dd's were 2 years apart in age and only 1 year apart in grade and my older dd was always a good student, with an occasional C. My younger dd was always struggling along, getting really bad grades, having difficulty keeping up, etc. It was difficult at first because I really wasn't expecting that from my younger dd - she was always so quick, clever and intelligent when she was smaller. She was still all those things, but she simply never figured out how to use those abilities in the academic arena...and she was lazy. She also had a disorder that really took away her focus in class and made it hard for her to grasp and understand some of the material. The classes where she had teachers who were very demonstrative in their lessons and gave the student hands-on assignments or projects seemed to reach her the best. Unfortunately, once our kids are into the upper grades of Jr/Sr High school, those teachers and lesson plans are more difficult to come by.


I really tried to make sure that both girls should work to the best of their ability and do their best work. Grade 'points' became less important to me than knowing the my daughters both enjoyed their classes and were simply doing the work and keeping up. For my older dd that meant snagging A's & B's for the most part (she did struggle in a class here or there each semester, but she was an average B student overall). For my younger dd, it meant that I had to be happy with a C or B. Eventually, I settled for D's...and then, as long as she passed I was basically thrilled! It wasn't a matter of lowering the bar for her, as some parents might think. It was more about accepting that she did not enjoy school, she was not academically inclined. She's more of an artsy student and leans towards a more laid back, independent type of learning. Following HS graduation (whew!) she took an on line course and aced it. She received a 95% in the class. Why? Because she chose it to suit her needs and she was very actively involved because she enjoyed it and it was at her own pace, which btw, was ahead of her peers in the class!


So, my personal feeling is that not so much pressure should be placed on either child to measure up all the time. I thinking pushing them to do their 'personal' best and to ask for help when they need it is better. When they are able to, it helps to choose classes they know they will enjoy if they are able and celebrating each stride they make towards progress. No comparing and asking, "why can't you get the kind of grades that so and so gets?" I've always hated when parents do that to their children, it is so unfair. After all, we're all different and we all learn differently and have different likes and dislikes - why should their academics be one size fits all?


Expecting them to do their best and pushing towards that goal, IMO, is enough.