Sibling fighting all the time!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Sibling fighting all the time!!
5
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:03am

Hi all,


I have a 14 year old DS and an 11 year old DD who fight every single day! I honestly don't think there has been a day that they dont fight!

           

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:30am

Are you sure the kids' ultimate goal isn't to make YOU crazy??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 12:16pm

i have only one son so there was no sibling rivalry in my house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 4:13pm

I had to LOL because I just sat down to post almost the same thing!! My kids are 14 and 6 - far enough apart in age that you'd think they wouldn't be at each other all the time, but nooooooooooooooo! lol sibs are sibs.

My two genuinely love each other. DS6 thinks his sister is the best thing since sliced bread - possibly it is HER that causes the sun to rise each morning ; ) BUT he knows how to aggravate her and has it down to a science. He knows what he's doing, and will even tell me (in a moment of honesty) that it's "fun" to make her mad! DD14 loves her bro, and is so proud of him all the time and talks about him to her friends. But the whining and yelling get to her, and no matter how I coach her, she is not able to ignore. So, she takes the bait and yells back.

Just a few minutes ago they were screaming at each other "you stop!" "no, you stop" over and over and over and over.

So, I went into the kitchen and cranked the radio up so loud I couldn't hear them.

A few minutes later I heard screaming - so I thought I'd peak in to see if anyone was injured.

.......they're playing! Go figure!! When I totally remove myself from the fight, the fight ends!!

I won't let either of them get away with injuring the other - she's got the size advantage and I won't let her take advantage of that. And I try not to allow really mean name calling. But mostly I've just tried to stay out of it all together.

If one of them comes to me with a legitimate request (like "he's on the computer and won't let me on to do homework"), then I'll step in. I try to reward the person who's asking nicely! Otherwise, sibs yelling at each other is part of the game IMHO and I don't want to play.

One last thing - I *do* think that sometimes the bickering is a way to get *my* attention (not really about the other sib). If I think that's going on, I will try to wait for calm and then spend some time/attention on each of them.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 10:25am
I come from a very large family, I have 3 sisters and two brothers. We drove my mom crazy, I'm sure. My youngest sister(who is 13 years younger than me) is 5 years older than my own DD. So they drove me CRAZY fighting, since I took care of my sis after school and when my mom was out of town. Anyway, what I did when they fought so much was force them to get along. A few times I made them hug eachother until they resolved the fight, or I made them go in another room, and told them they couldnt come out until they stopped fighting. Now they laugh about it, and they have told me that they would team up because the only way out was to end the argument, or at least convince me that it was over. As long as they aren't hurting eachother, they need to learn to resolve their problems together with out a parent/guardian. That's how they learn to get along with people. I think it's good for them, just nerve racking for you. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 1:25pm

""Doing it on purpose to get a raise out of the other.""

They are doing it on purpose to get a raise out of you! It's all for your benefit. Walk away if you're in the house. Go into your bedroom and close the door. Refuse to get involved, unless someone is absolutely physical. When DS starts complaining, simply say, that's too bad, I'm sorry you're not getting along, but you have to learn how to deal with all kinds of different people in your life and this is good training for you. I love you both, but I'm just not going to get in the middle of your fighting.

Good luck, I know it's annoying!

Laura