SIGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
SIGH!
11
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 5:56pm

Yes, its Christmas Eve and I'm on the computer! I'm kinda in the dumps and thought I'd ramble a bit - now's your chance to hit the "back" or "forward button" ha ha! Ever since my mom passed away from cancer 5 years ago our family hasnt been the same. My sister doesnt get along with my dad or brother (long story) so every Christmas it ends up that our family is split apart - my sister with her grown children and me with my family and dad and brother. My daughter doesnt understand why we "all cant just get along". I'm with her on this one and had it out with my sister a week ago. Well, now she's not talking to me and its been wearing on me a lot. We dont have many close couple friends either (my husband is quite anti-social but thats for another board) so its been a very uneventful Christmas socially. I am the opposite of him and find it all so very depressing being by ourselves - just like a normal weekend to me.

Tonite we are going out for dinner since we have no other invitations and then out to a movie. Back here after I guess for another movie at home and probably early to bed. DS18, who has been doing so well at his job the past 3 months after that 7 month struggle with him, decided that he didnt want to go into work today. He lied to his boss saying his car wasnt working and now the boss is very angry with him. Actually, he's been late the past week numerous times and missed another day calling in sick. I've warned him that he will probably get fired but he doesnt care - says he can get a better paying job somewhere else. He's supposed to work tomorrow, yes, Christmas Day, from 12 until 7. Upsets me that he wont be home. Dont know why the video store is even open but he gets double time.

Last year at this time I swore that we'd make more couple friends over the year, have more people over to socialize but nope, here we are again by ourselves. My brother and dad are coming over tomorrow for dinner but its just not the same - I miss the years with my mom and all the family together. I keep telling myself to be thankful for what we have but sometimes it just doesnt work. Sigh - sorry for rambling - I'm just kinda sad today.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 8:00pm

Well, Im right here with ya moping too!

DS1 went to New Orleans with GFs family and this is the first I havent at least had my kids with me

Mostly, though, I miss the years of little kids and extended family. I miss my parents who are both gone.

Visited MIL and DHs sister Friday which seem to be the only family we do anything with. Boring, and SIL is horrid-I mean, HORRID to MIL who is 92. Screams at her, criticizes her-it's very stressful yet I also know that is exactly how MIL was. What goes around comes around, I guess. Depressing-dp people ever change or do we just keep making the same mistakes over and over?

I too need to get out and make friends but it isnt going to be through work which used to be where I met people. Number one-I am mostly home office and number two-everyone I work with is young-20 somethings; 4 had their first babies this year

DS2's grades came in from first semester of college and are not what I expected or was led to believe. Here we go again! He wants to transfer to community college and then transfer into the first choice college he didnt get into after his sophomore year. Of course he wont transfer in with these grades either...grades are why he didnt get in in the first place. But he wont grasp that

Just like your son doesnt grasp the potential job loss-I dont know why some kids can see and plan for the future and some cant see past the 5 seconds in front of them

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: tamarahar
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 8:56pm

The holiday isn't the greatest in the world here, because #2 DS S is in Iraq right now, just a few miles from the place that you all hear about on the news a couple of times a week. Not only does it stress our entire family, but also his wife, who has become more than a little difficult to deal with in the past few weeks. :'(

Rejoice in the holiday, you have your children with you, in a safe place. They might not be living up to your expectations for them, but they aren't being shot at and dodging things that make a big boom. The very next time I have all my children around me again, I will do my darnedest to let the irritating things in life go and be thankful for the blessings I have.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 1:11am

You're absolutely correct Bunnie and I feel for you and your family. I can't imagine what it's like having a child away at war.

Well, tonite the 4 of us went out for dinner and I must say it was the most pleasant time we've had together in years. DS and DH always butt heads about something and tend to ruin any family dinners we have but tonite it was different - they actually got along and we had an enjoyable time. DS also presented everyone with gifts this year - first time he's done that in a long, long time so even though he's got a lot of growing up to do yet, I see so much more maturity in him now.

Tomorrow's dinner with my dad and brother will be a challenge - havent seen my brother in almost 3 years (he lives in Holland and rarely communicates with us). Oh well - one more day and things will hopefully be back to normal. Best wishes to all of you for a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 7:01am

I hope I didn't sound too much like "I got it badder than you do" - because that wasn't my intent. It's just that these days, it's hard to get upset with things like less than stellar grades, teen and young adult moods, and "I wish I hads..." when I'm in a pretty much constant state of worry about S and how he and his buddies are doing over there.

The good news is, we got our Christmas phone call from the sandbox from him yesterday, right about the same time as he usually calls, and he sounded soooooo good. Claims he even managed to hold off on opening the Christmas presents we all sent him until yesterday morning, which he's had stacked around the 18" tree I sent him for about a week. Normally, he's the kid that's complaining the loudest about 'you mean I gotta LOOK at all those presents under the tree, and not touch them until Christmas morning???' Thing is, we'd never know if he really did wait, or if he just said he did! Knowing he's alright and managed to have a decent Christmas in spite of where he is makes everything right in my world this holiday.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 8:20am
It seems for most people, that when a parent passes away Christmas is never quite the same. Both of my parents passed away and I must say, things are so different now. It seems that the glue has come apart. My mother was the glue. We are 11 sisters and 1 brother but some of us are not as close anymore. When mom was alive we would have Christmas at her house, even after my father past away. Now, because some don't get along, we seem to go our separate ways. Most of my older sisters all went away for Christmas so I had Christmas Eve at my home this year for the first time. Almost everyone came. (For some reason I have no fued with anyone in my family} It was so strange. I was the oldest sister here with the exception of 1 and most people here were nieces and nephews and thier families. I must say, there were at least 25 of us but it just wasn't the same without my sisters. They are the new glue I think. At least the glue that keeps me together. I really missed them and I told them that next time I am going with them. Anyway, I shouldn't complain. I have a huge family. At least we weren't alone but I guess we all have our stories to tell. Do I have a right to feel lonely?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 9:27am

You have every right to feel lonely. Both of my parents are gone, have been for quite some time and Christmas has never been the same. I also had an aunt who was the most wonderful woman God ever gave life, and she was the definition of Christmas, she is gone also. I have a 19 dd who is the light of my life. Christmas was so fun when she was younger, but now that she is grown, it lost most of what was left of its magic. I have inlaws and we spend Christmas day with them, and they are wonderful people, but somehow, just never been the same.

Yes I should be thankful, and I am, but I still feel heartsick every Christmas, it has never gone away.

Have a wonderful New Year!!!

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 10:13am

Wasn't the greatest Xmas for us, either, but at least I get my DH for a week and both DS23 and DS17 were with us. My sister and her husband arrived from VA Fri. afternoon after stopping in Sandusky, OH. That night, both of them became violently ill from what we assume is food poisoning they got from food eaten either at the hotel or the Mexican restaurant they at at in Sandusky. Poor sis threw up 12 times, and had to get up and down from an air mattress on the floor (bed was moved to my DH's apt in VA). They drove on to WI to visit my parents yesterday, but still could not eat more than 1/2 a small meal. They'll be back with us for New Year's Eve and we hope they'll be back to normal by then.

My parents are 89 & 91 and my dad's been in a nursing home for the past 5 years. Xmas's have never been the same since he's been there. One of us four kids always tries to be there for the holidays and this year it was my older sister. My younger sister I haven't seen each other in over 2 years cuz we always stagger our visits so that my parents more often get visitors. On Thursday we'll drive to WI and we'll all be together (except my brother) for at least ONE day. I can't wait!

DS17 also bought us all gifts for the first time. I think DS23 felt embarrassed that he didn't get anyone a gift. He came home on the 22nd and had to fly back to Baltimore on the 25th.

What we all really need to have Xmas's like the old days, I think, are GRANDCHILDREN! I keep hinting, but since DS23 is nowhere near that point mentally, I know it'll be a long time for us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 10:58am

Well, Christmas Day with my dad and brother turned out to be a pleasant one! Like I said before, havent seen my brother in over 3 years and was surprised to see how he's aged physically but I'm sure he thought the same about me - lol! He had lots of stories to tell about living in Holland and all the other places he's visited. He's a teacher and has taught all over the world. DD13 was really intrigued as she wants to travel the world! Only sad part of the day was that DS18 had to work and missed out on dinner and conversation.

Also, DD was incredibly "all about me" last night. She had no friends around to talk to or hang out with once dad and brother left so she was totally bored. She always has to keep active and busy and was incredibly rude and selfish to me all evening. I had to really hold back from yelling at her but I did say to her "nicely" that I worked my butt off to try and provide everyone with a nice Christmas, bought her what she asked for and that a little appreciation for what I had done over the past 24 hours would be nice" - then I went to bed. I hope she stewed on that a bit - just kinda made me mad BUT I know she's heading into those awful teen years so better get used to some of it I guess!

Now, I just have to work on patching things up with my sister. We didnt call each other at all the past couple of days after our blow up over my dad and brother which really saddens me. After thinking about things I was probably more in the wrong than her but she will never admit to be even the slightest bit in the wrong (stubborn!). Guess I'll maybe start with an email and see how things go.

Taking DH and kids to Mexico in a month so I'm hanging on to that as something to look forward to. Happy New Year everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 11:25am

Hey Rose,

I'm so happy you heard from your DS yesterday; that he remains well and in good spirits. I hope he will soon be safely home with his family. (Having lived in the Middle East for five years, I can attest that it is, indeed, a sandbox. Your DS will be finding fine, red sand everywhere for a long time!)

Best wishes for a wonder-filled and peaceful new year.

Julie

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tamarahar
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 11:27am

<<>

Here, here!

But my boys arent ready relationship or education wise...sighhhh

And DH and I married and had children late so I expect we feel 'overdue' age wise

Still, I made the grandchildren comment to a coworker in my age group who said "oh, no! I want a few years alone with my husband first"

Interesting

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