Six months ago I never thought....

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Registered: 04-29-2003
Six months ago I never thought....
8
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 9:46am


Warning....this is an epic and I am sorry, but I wanted to tell the whole story.

Six months ago, I never thought that I would be feeling proud and content with my oldest DS again. I just thought I would share our story

We had a really tough year, DS's sophomore yr. DS has always been a sweet lovable boy. He went through a terrible accident in the spring of his freshman yr that changed him. He had 4 different sugery's and one of them was to put two large screws in his ankle. Because of this and that the ankle re-fractured, he gave up on Football. My son was a straight A student in all AP classes, worked out everyday and was the kind of kid that teachers commented on how proud we should be.

Well, without Football, he started just staying home (didn't ever really have alot of friends, actually none :( ) He loved football, but really didn't like the kids that played....drinking, drugs, steroids, sex. So to him it was no great loss, but he always had football keeping him going.

DS decided to go out for a spot on the Theater Improv team. He not only got it, but the Theater teacher was soooo impressed he begged him to change his schedual and be part of Theater. We thought this was good, and let DS as he would be involved, plus he has always been in outside Theater. Anyhow, When he joined, he met this boy and he really attached himself to DS. DH and I didn't really care for this boy, but couldn't put our finger on it. Anyway, we were happy to see DS invloved in something and just kept our eye on things.

During this time, DS's grades started to fall. He was still getting A's in somethings but dropped to a couple of b's. Well, we though, his social life was picking up, so we didn't panic.

Come about december, DS came to DH and I and told us that he was very worried about this other boy. He said he was a cutter and that he often talked about suiside. I didn't know what to do as this boy had NO family life and I had never even met his mother. DS told us that he had been trying to help this boy for a couple of months and that he had taken razor blades away from this boy twice at school. DS and I decided that I should call the school councelor for help. Well....you can guess that was a joke. They called the boy in and accused him of this, the boy deneyed it and went on his merry way. He then was very upset with DS and blamed him for sharing his "secret"

That next day was Saturday and DS just did something with some other people. We all went to bed and on Sunday at 5:00 in the a.m. DS woke me in a panic. He told me that something woke him and that he saw that he had a missed call on his cell phone. The message was from this boy and he told DS that he had tried to kill himself, and that it was all DS's fault. He told him he had cut his wrists and taken a bunch of Tylanol(sp). DS said there were 6 missed calls from this boy and that when he tried to call him, he was getting no answer. Oh ya, the first call came in a 3:00 a.m. We didn't know what to do so we called the police.

After what seemed like forever, the police called, asking if we had herd from this boy, as they were at his house and his mother didn't know where he was. They were all looking for him.

After about another hour, we were all sitting in our family room and I looked out the front window and saw this boy stumbling up our driveway. bleeding and about to fall over. Long story (sorry) he is alive and got put in a hospital for a week, and was diagnosed, bi-polar, OCD and anorexic.

DS didn't sleep, eat and became very depressed very quickly. He had been through alot on his own, but we found out that this boy was talking to him almost every night about how bad life was and that when DS would do something with other friends, this boy would cut himself and let DS know it was because he had made him sad/mad. DS admitted that he knew he wasn't a good friend, but as time went on, he worried that he would hurt himself if DS stopped being his friend. In the end, DS felt responsible that this boy tried to take his life.

We got DS into counceling right away, and he had lost 17 pounds. His grades had all plummeted to C's by this point. even failing a class at one point. The worst of it was he was sooooo sad, distant and even became bleigerent around the house. We told him he couldn't be with this boy when he got out of the hospital, which DS was sooo mad at us for, because all of his other friends thought it was "the thing to do" to be friends with this kid. This kid was a master of his disorder of manipulation and got all of the other kids mad at our DS :( DS was alone again, he was misserable, he hated us and let us know every chance he got. He didn't understand why we wouldn't let him be friends with this boy. We tried to explain that we had to protect DS and this boy with this terrible family life wouldn't really get the help that he needed. The put him on med's sure, but he doesn't even go to counceling. It got to be just horrible around this house. We stuck it out. Loved our son and tried as much as we could to make him understand.

I can't tell you how this house became a battle zone :( The fights were out of control at times. We just couldn't get our DS back. I thought I would never see that sweet boy again. I will say that he LOST part of his innocence :(

Anyhow, fast forward. We got through the year. DS managed to pull his grades to and ok spot :) Three a's couple b's and one C, but all that he had gone through, we were so happy with this. He began to smile more, and some of the other kids got over the "cool factor" of being friends with this other boy and started being with DS again.

OK I am soooooo sorry this has been so long

At the end of spring, DS tried out for a city musical, 7 brides for 7 brothers. He got a part of one of the bothers (daniel) and has been rehersing for it since school got out three weeks ago. He is doing so well and he smiles all of the time. He's sweet again to all of us....there is no fighting. Yesterday he was interviewed by the local paper and did a 1/2 hour show on the radio with another one of the "brothers" They even sang on the radio LOL. The show opens next week and runs for two weekends. We are so proud of DS :)

I wrote this epic to tell yoou all thank you cause I joined this board during the middle of this and didn't tell my story totally. This board helped me so much. Sometimes it was just good to feel that my son wasn't the only one with problems. I listened to what people had to say to other people and took what I could from it and applied it to our situation. I really at some points thought that DS would NEVER come back to us they way he was. He is still different, but in someways even better because of this year.

I hope that anyone reading this who is struggling with their teen can take comfort in my story that teens and parents can come out of the worst situations. We also have realized not to sweat the small stuff too much (like the fact that we don't like DS's girlfriend, but she's not a bad girl so we are just dealing with it LOL) I am proud of DS, He is going to be OK :)

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Julie

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Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:05am
Thank you for sharing your story, Julie.
Pam
Avatar for jbgattuso
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:11am

Thanks Pam and yes he has grown :) Thank you for having such a wonderful board and often being the "voice of reason" :)

Julie

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Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:11am

Thanks for sharing your story, Julie. It gives all us readers hope that things will turn out okay despite the turmoil in our/our kids' lives. Our DS17 went through a period of depression after getting in trouble with the school his senior year, but it was nothing like what your DS had to go through his freshman and sophomore years. What did your DS's counselor say about isolating him from the other boy? Could he/she make your DS understsand that he needed to stay away?

How nice that your DS has the theater life to keep him busy, now. How is the other boy faring--does he still refuse counseling?

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Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:14am
That must have been a really tough year to go through, but I'm glad it worked out for you & your son. It's really great that after he wasn't able to do football that he was able to find something else he was interested in. I used to be in plays in high school and it was so much fun and actually something you can do your whole life. My friends who met in law school & got married to community theater w/ their 2 daughters who are now teenagers.
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Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:25am
That is quite a story there, Julie. I am happy that everything worked out so well after such a difficult couple of years.

 

 

 

Avatar for jbgattuso
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:31am

You asked,
"What did your DS's counselor say about isolating him from the other boy? Could he/she make your DS understsand that he needed to stay away? "

Well, I don't really know if the counselor ever told DS anything on her opinion about this. The hard part was this boy is part of the Theater program and DS didn't want to give that up, nor did we want him too. DS's biggest argument to us in the beginning was that he wasn't being a good friend to this boy by "abandoning" him. Our Family Prac. Doc. Did tell DS at one point that Bi-polar is such a manipulitve disorder that even trained professionals can't always "see through" it. He told DS that we were right in saying that they couldn't have a one on one relationship. DS fought us tooth and nail on this, but we stuck to our guns. He sees this boy in groups, but now really stays away from him. They have no one on one contact and DS even talks to us about how he has "sucked other people in" It is very sad, but after about 4 months DS began to see what we were telling him and realizes that this boy needs to figure out how to get healthy himself.

You asked,
" How is the other boy faring--does he still refuse counseling?"

As far as we know, he isn't going to any counceling. He is on medication. He is living with another family who are Christians who want to believe that they can "save" him if he will find Jesus. I have no problem with this, but I do believe that he needs more! I keep an eye on his myspace and he is a very Dark, disturbed child. I do feel sorry for him, but still have to work on my anger that he was part of the bomb that got dropped in the middle of our family :(

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 10:33am

"That is quite a story there, Julie. I am happy that everything worked out so well after such a difficult couple of years."

Thank you ;) We are too!

Julie

Avatar for jbgattuso
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:30am

Thank you :) Yes, we were happy that he had Theater to get involve with! He really has always loved it, but is really working at it now and plans on trying to go to college as a Theater major either minoring or double majoring in Broadcast Journalism :)

Julie