Skipping school/classes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Skipping school/classes?
5
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:41pm

I'm new here but i have a 17 yr old who constantly skips classes and school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 4:01pm

My DSD is now in 11th grade and I believe it was around winter time in 9th grade that we found out she was skipping school. The way I found out was that I actually got up later than the girls because basically I hate getting up in the a.m. and they had to be at the bus stop at 6:50 a.m. so I would just make sure I heard them getting up. Then I would get up later w/ my DS, who then didn't have to go to school until 9:00. I kept finding the basement light on, so one day I went down there and found my DSD hiding in a closet in the basement--I think my DD must have mentioned that my DSD wasn't on the school bus or I wouldn't have been suspicious. Her excuse was that she was sick, yeah like if you're sick, you're going to hide in cold basement for 2 hrs. So after that, all he-- broke loose, my DH had a fit, etc.

The worst part is that in our school system, if you miss more than 5 classes of one subject in a quarter, it's a failure, even if otherwise you could pass the tests and do the work, unless you have a doctor's excuse. So I think that year, she ended up failing math (at least) which was Algebra I, then the next year, besides Geometry, she had to take a remedial math class because in order to graduate all 10th grade students have to pass an Englisn & Math test. (We haven't gotten the results yet.) Because of that schedule, she couldn't take some electives and couldn't fit in gym, which means she has it this year w/ all 9th & 10th graders.

I have to say that I don't know what the answer is. My DSD hasn't skipped school since then, but last year, she said she was sick a lot. Now this isn't my DD and my DH goes to work at 6:00 a.m., so he will call her and make sure she's up for school, then she will say she is sick. If she were my DD, I would tell her to go to school unless she had a fever or seemed sick the night before. Again, last year, she almost got attendance failures and he had to beg the dr. (who she hadn't seen) for an excuse note. I don't know what her grades were, except that she passed, but they probably weren't good. Now she talks about wanting to be a teacher and I want to say, wake up, do you think you're even going to get into college? It's funny that she is so unmotivated and yet wants to be a teacher.

I would ask, how does your DD get to school, because if it was at all possible, I would be driving her to school every day and escorting her into the building, hoping that would embarass her. Of course, I know that wouldn't be possible for some parents (like my DH). Has your DD said anything about what she expects to do in the future? Go to college, go into a trade or whatever? What will happen if she's unmotivated after she (hopefully) graduates from high school?

I am just thinking of my DH's nephew, who's now about 20. This kid is very unmotivated and his parents (who were divorced) basically had to kick him out and let him fend for himself. His grandfather is a doctor who would have paid for him to go to college or a school, but he never did anything. His dad offered to buy him a cheap car if he would get his driver's license, but he never did. I can't imagine a kid being so lazy that they don't even want to learn how to drive. He left home to go to a school to learn how to be a mechanic for motorcycles, but I think he dropped out. He was using his roommate's cell phone and didn't pay the bill, so now he had no phone & no car. He is the type to blame his parents (who didn't do anything wrong) for all his failures in life. My DH tried to help him out by taking him on to work w/ him in the floor refinishing business. My DH would go pick him up in the a.m., even though it was out of his way, and he wouldn't even be out of bed, so finally he got fired. I wonder how long it's going to take for this kid to get tired of not having any money.

I also wonder, is this a new thing for your DD or has she always been like this? Could something have happened to change her personality?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 8:21pm

Is she a senior?

Are there any consequences at school?

How are her grades?

We talked to ds2 about graduating early but he had no interest-said he liked school and he did at that point in time. He totally lost interest his senior year and I really regretted he hadnt graduated early

I think the schools downplay graduating early and going half days(working the other half)but I think it is a viable option for kids who are losing interest. DS1 took 2 community college classes his senior year and I swear thats what kept him on board

A lot os school is boring IMHO.DH has an advanced degree but takes accounting/business classes at the community college for fun. He is currently taking financial management as is ds3 who is a high school freshman. Its a tad frightening how much of the same stuff they are doing-picking stocks and following them(which the boys also did in elementary school BTW)

I know there are always some challenging classes with new material, especially in science and math but so many of the requirements are silly-health AGAIN, geography AGAIN.

Im not sure theres much you can do right now but I would look to making what time she has left easier on both of you

BTW DS2 who skipped a lot is enjoying college and appears to be attending. He called home today to ask if we would consider him studying aboard next year(info meeting tonight) He too was "I dont care....." so it does get better(not to downplay your frustration-I was furious last year)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:27pm

I agree with other posters that maybe your DD can look into early graduation or alternative classes. At this point (17yo) there's probably not too much you can do to MAKE her go to school, but working with her to find a compromise way to still get the HS diploma might work.

FWIW, my bro was a "who cares" kid in HS. My mom worked with him to make sure he passed all classes - he wanted to flunk Senior English just because, just so he wouldn't graduate and that'd show them...? Anyway, he didn't fail, he did graduate, and then stayed away from school for a few years. After working for awhile, he decided he did want to go to college, found one that alternates semesters of studying with semesters of work (Antioch College, in Ohio) and graduated college with a degree in Physics - which he loved. So, there is hope. Some kids need a little longer to find their inspiration.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 6:07am
She does care. But about what? How many unexcused absences does it take to fail the class? In most districts not that many. I would expect an immediate phone call from the teacher if she is not in class. Does your daughter understand that not graduating from high school is not an option? Even if it takes an extra year she must graduate. Taking away privilages and grounding don't work very well at this age. She is almost an adult. The responsibility is hers, with you as back up coach. This education is for her, so that in ten years she is not handing burgers out the drive-thru window. The sooner she understands this basic, common sense idea, the easier it will be for her.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:55am

How long has this been going on? Are there other behaviors that trouble you?

Where does she go, what does she do when she skips school or a class?

Does the school have a consequence for skipping, and if so do they enforce it? (doesn't seem like it)

When does she turn 18?

What is your state law re: until what age a kid must attend school?