Sleepovers and supervision

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Sleepovers and supervision
13
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 4:25pm

OK - really beginnning to doubt myself here - am I too protective/worryintg?

Last weekend, DD15 went to a friend's to sleep over, not a "sleepover party", just the two of them. When we got there, friend's mom was not there. Friend (K) said "my mom's not home from work yet. She usually gets home around 7" I was NOT happy, since DD had told me mom would be there, but it was already 6pm, so no biggie. I told DD I was not happy, but let her stay (and she had to be ready for pickup at 9:30 next morning for a doc's appt. TURNS OUT that K's mom didn't come home until 10pm, and then went out again (to the drugstore?) with K's stepdad. When I came in the morning, everyone (adults and kids) were still asleep, so I look like a total witch to make my DD get up so early on the weekend (but she knew I was coming).

FF to this weekend. Another sleepover at K's house (two other friends will be there, too). I told DD that K's mother had to be there, and DD (reluctantly) IM'd K that she couldn't stay if the mother wasn't going to be there.

Am I too over-protective? It doesn't help that K is one of DD's friends who has been known to drink at school (during lunch time). It's not that I don't trust my DD, I just don't like the idea of a bunch of 15yo's with minimal supervision. This is why I don't mind being the official sleepover house.

WWYD?

What should I do if K's mom isn't there at dropoff?

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 3:25pm

I am comfertable with my kids sleeping over at a friends house if I know the child and the parents. If the friend is new, I like drop them off personally to meet the parents and introduce myself, just to examine the type of place my child will be staying at. If the parent is not home for a little part of it in the afternoon, I am okay, but I like them there before dark. I don't mind if friends sleep over either, but I like it if my husbandor or myself is home, personally myself because my husband locks himself in a room to avoid them. I usually let them stay up pretty late, but they can't be overwhelmingly loud past 11:00. I usually check on them around 3:00, when I get a glass of water so see if they are asleep and to turn off the tv.

Kate
Proud mom to Gavin(22),Jacob(17),Brooklyn(14),Everett(13),and Sienna(10)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 4:49pm
Just reading a lot of the messages here makes me glad I have not had these problems. My DD is `17 now and since she is able to drive and go out on her own, she could do a lot of other things that thankfully she hasn't done. I never really checked to make sure the parents were going to be home at night, I just assumed they would be (maybe I'm naive). I know her best friend's mother is a nurse, so she could be working late at night. My DD hasn't had as many friends sleeping over here than she did when she was younger, I think because she doesn't really care for my DH (her stepfather) and would like to get out of the house. She doesn't smoke or drink and will make disparaging remarks about the "losers" who do stuff like that, so I'm not really worried. If they have slept over here, usually they are making enough noise that I know they aren't sneaking out of the house. It was funny--we got a new front door and storm door this weekend. The old screen door made a loud noise when it closed, and I thought, now I won't be able to hear when she comes home as well as I could before when the a/c is on in my BR. I wonder if I'll be able to hear her in the winter. lol She has to be home before 12:00 by driving restrictions and I don't wait up, but if I get up to go to the bathroom, I always look out the window to make sure her car is there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 10:08pm
I always talked to the parent beforehand to make sure that someone would be home. If I couldn't, no sleepover, period. My daughter is 21 now and though at the time she made a big deal out of it admits that she will do the same when the time comes. Be very nosy, your child is worth it. You are not being over protective. You are being a good parent.

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