Sleepovers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Sleepovers
15
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 6:00am

I posted about this previously under "weekend negotiations". I have come to dread Fridays because of the negotiations and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: karezz
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:32pm

It is really tough, isn't it? You raise a good point; eventually you are going to have to trust her again. Trust should be earned back. What has she done to earn your trust back?

For one thing, did you confront her about the "meth head" thing on my space, and if so what did she say? You may have alot more to worry about than drinking. You need to clear that up first, and tell her that comments like that left on her my space do not encourage you to trust her, they encourage you to worry and mistrust instead.

It's entirely up to you when you decide to give her a chance to prove you wrong. But there seems to be so many issues here, I don't know if there has been enough time to rebuild that trust. What do you feel? Trust your gut...it's often right, kwim?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: karezz
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:47pm

toby, I like that. Our son's friends rarely come to our house (he says "our house sucks", even though we finally got a big screen TV) and I'm quite sure it's cuz they know I will check on them in the basement, and not just once.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: karezz
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:19am

Thanks ladies!


In an effort to learn to trust DD, here is what we decided to do. We will allow sleepovers occasionally, when we have a good feeling that nothing funny will be going on.


I plan to speak with her this afternoon to tell her this and to make the rules clear.


We won't allow sleepovers after parties - period. There will not be sleepovers every weekend and there will not be more than one per weekend. If it's a girls' night or some other reason -we'll see. There are to be no arguments when the answer is no, or the answer will be no the next time. She cannot bring a car to a sleepover. If she is ever in a position where there is drinking, she is not to drive, nor is she to get in a car with someone else. If this situtaion presents itself she should call us for a pickup and all she needs to say is "I did the right thing, please don't ask questions."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
In reply to: karezz
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 9:27am

I get the same answer, lol.

I've told my daughter she is welcome to have her friends over to our house any time. She says we're no fun. Could that be because there is no alcohol in the house? Could that be because there IS parental supervision? Could that be because doors must remain open?

yeeargh!!!!!

This is kid #3 for me and she tries my patience more than no.'s 1 and 2 combined.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
In reply to: karezz
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 1:12am

I'm probably going to add absolutely nothing constructive to this discussion, but I'm an adult, though admittedly only 18. I'm at the legal drinking age for my country, which is Australia, and I've never understood the minimum drinking age in the US (21?). However, I am speaking to the parents of 16, 17 and 18-year-olds - 'older teens'.

I'm not arguing about children who are 12, 13, 14, 15. That is much too young - they should be experiencing alcohol in a controlled environment, meaning with YOU, mum and/or dad.

With such a high minimum age, teen drinking is going to - in fact SHOULD - be happening right now. Your teenage children should be exposed to drinking in their social lives, because it is the only way they are going to learn about what it does to a person.

There is an idea that the more children are exposed to alcohol and the more freely available it is to them, the less likely they are to abuse it. What's causing the deception about your kids' drinking habits is that so many of them are flat-out not allowed to drink, and thus they want to rebel and experience alcohol's dizzying highs and thundering lows for themselves.

Yes, teen drinking happens at sleepovers, and that might actually be a good thing. Bear with me.

Why does it happen at sleepovers?
It happens at sleepovers because sleepovers are longer events than your average party. The word 'sleep' will and does enter the equation. Few kids have the drive to stay up all night and will eventually fall asleep.

When kids have sleepovers, they generally stay where they are, in someone's home. This is because in a private home, they can drink as much as they like, whereas in a public place, you can be caught, and something tells me that your child does NOT want mum and dad finding out.

Eventually, your child will sleep off the alcohol they've consumed. Now, I've been to only a few parties, which have turned into booze-fests, and nobody's been assaulted. In fact, most people have just... played Super Smash Bros. Melee on Gamecube. And every kid gets dropped off and picked up by their parents, or carpools.

And they've slept. Peacefully.

Alcohol is a depressant. This means that it slows down your central nervous system, and thus creates an altered state. Sleeping is also an altered state. Drinking can and does make a person tired, and negatively affects their reflexes. But at a sleepover, when these kids are of the healthy, normal variety, they sleep. Eventually.

People who drink to excess usually learn VERY QUICKLY what happens when they do. For most people, a hangover is enough to turn you off drinking to excess ever again.

Tell your child this scary tidbit, though: if ever you consume alcohol and fail to remember something that happened afterwards, you will have consumed enough alcohol to give you alcohol poisoning. Tell your daughter that you're sorry, but she can't match a boy drink for drink because her tolerance is naturally lower.

It is these facts, and educating your child about what will happen when they drink enough (and most will figure out VERY quickly when enough is enough) that will shape your children into responsible drinkers. I'm sorry, but they're not going to become responsible drinkers if you tell them they can't drink. They can, do, and will. What are you going to do, mum/dad? Throw them out? Ground them? Stop them going to parties?

Stopping your children drinking now is not going to serve them well when they're in university, because they won't know how to handle it.

The bottom line is, though: If your child is drinking so much that they are becoming sick, they have more problems than just a drinking habit.

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