smoking

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
smoking
3
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 8:47am
My son is going to be 15 in October.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: indianamom12
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 9:00am

When I know something, to the extent you knew this, I don't 'ask'. I just roll right into the discussion

'You were smoking in the shower this AM. You are 15 and too young; the cigarettes have been tossed' etc etc

I have never been a fan of asking. Even relativity honest adults get defensive when they have their back against the wall-I expect teens to be the same

I wouldn't assume he was addicted and desperate-I would assume he found a good place to hide!

Good luck! Keep his spending money to a minimum-pop in his room on occasion(you still need to knock as there are more embarrassing things to walk in on-you'll smell the smoke or notice the cold from the window being opened)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: indianamom12
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 9:48am

Well, I'm not sure what YOU should do, but here's what I would do (keeping in mind that I am personally very anti-smoking): I would have the pack of cigarettes on the kitchen table (or any other visible spot) so he would see them when he got home from school and know that I knew. I would not raise my voice. My facial expression would be very serious. I would give him a moment to absorb what was happening, then I would tell him that this is not acceptable and cigarettes are not allowed in the house (per my house rules). I would also tell him that I was incredibly disappointed in him and I would tell him that cigarettes are harmful to his health and that I loved him too much to condone his smoking. I would tell him that he was too young to smoke and that it was illegal for him to buy cigarettes and that I would support the school's actions should he ever be caught with cigarettes at school. I would also tell him that although I could not stop him from smoking when he was somewhere else (eg. friend's house, public open area, etc), if he came home smelling like smoke, he would have to rinse off with the hose outside before he could come inside. If his clothes smelled like smoke, I would have him remove them and place the clothes on the back porch. I would tell him that I was not putting them in my washing machine, but that I would take him to a laundry mat and he could use his own money to have the clothes washed. Then I would walk away and let him think about it.


Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
In reply to: indianamom12
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 7:30pm

There are so many things you can do, but I think creativity is your friend here. I like the ideas above about having consequences. He needs to know that if he continues, his life will become unpleasant. If he is the type of boy that will talk to you, I would probably attempt to find out where he is getting the cigarettes. At 14, he most likely needs some assistance or a very poorly managed convenience store. When I found out my 12yo cousin was smoking pot, I got the name and address of his dealer, went to her home and told her if she ever supplied him again, I would make her wish she had never been born. He wasn't able to get the stuff for the next several years. I was only 19 at the time. You could tell him not only if he smells of smoke he'll have to go to a laundry mat, but you'll confiscate the clothes and you won't be buying new ones. He might end up with a wardrobe of 2 shirts and 2 jeans. If he likes to dress well, this could be a major motivator. If you find out where he's getting the smokes and can get him cut off, that can work too. You could threaten to put him into a smoking cessation class with a bunch of smelly old people...he'd probably hate that. I'm mean, really, the list could go on and on.


My BF got caught smoking by a coach (I'm not suggesting this, but I think it's amusing) and was made to run laps with full football gear while smoking a lit cigarette. He threw up and never did it again.


The boy is only 14. You can still nip this in the bud.


Good luck!