So Outraged!!!
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| Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:39pm |
So today my going on 12 year old son comes home and tells me his teacher asked him if he was being abused at home!!!!
So, going back to the beginning, my son is a very serious, introverted child prone to strong emotions and periods of brooding. He also prefers solitary time and activities and isn't much of outward joiner. He's also been not feeling well lately as he has severe allergies to pollen and the change in season is really hitting him hard.
So his teacher pulls him aside, saying she's noticed he's acting differently and then asking him if "everything is okay...are there problems with friends at school....are there problems at home....is he being abused..."!!!! He replied that no, everything was fine and then apparently (according to him) she was okay with his answer.
But I am just so outraged! I am not only strongly offended at the implication that we are harming our own child but also very upset that a teacher would single my son out for being "different" and implying that his behaviour is abnormal and must be due to something "wrong" in his life. He said that afterwards he felt guilty like he had let us (his dad and I) down. Probably he's thinking there is something wrong with him.
OMG I just want to flatten this teacher. Do they expect every child to behave the same way in their classes? Do they not consider differences in temper or mood or even, hello, the onset of PUBERTY!!! He's going on 12 dammit and kids that age go through alot of crap emotion-wise. Just because he is a bit quieter and introspective than others doesn't make him weird.
I told him I wanted to meet with her but he begged me not to open up the issue any further because he said it really wasn't a big deal and she was just looking out for him and that she seemed okay after a brief conversation.
I had a similar incident with my dd when she was younger when a teacher, seeing my dd as quite slim and knowing she is a dancer, implied my dd might be anorexic. The teachers may be well-intentioned but they are grossly uninformed. They get some coaching on how to spot problem children and then overdiagnose the issue. And then they plant concern and fear into the kids who start to think maybe something is wrong with them...
ARRGGHHH I could just scream.

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The mother is in Canada. There are no "guidance offices" in Middle Schools in Ontario.
The schools are not that big. So, your advice is not applicable.
In fact, the teacher acted out of concern. Better that a person he has an everyday relationship with him ask him if something is wrong than someone he sees only occassionally (like the principal here). Notice that he was asked if he was having problems with friends as well.
The teacher most likey has noticed behavioural changes in the child. And behavioural changes are a flag that something is bothering the child. Yes, kids can be moody but overly quiet and introspective behaviour,especially if the behaviour has intensified, can be an indication of a problem.
The schools are not that big. So, your advice is not applicable.>
Sorry I didn't know the ins and outs of the schools in Canada. I think my more recent post about getting the teacher's version of events is still applicable.
I never meant to imply that the teacher wasn't sincere in her concern for the student. I'm just empathizing with the OP that things could have been handled better.
thanks everyone....I think this is just a case of a very young, and impulsive teacher. She has, overall, been a very good teacher for my son as he has done quite well this year with a mostly A's and some B's report card and he has demonstrated alot of good things in projects etc. I just think her age is a factor (she is under 30 with no kids of her own) and she hasn't had alot of experience with emotional pre-teens. Its a mixed class of 5th and 6th graders and the 12 year olds have a unique set of issues. Makes me question why a school would mix the two grades as there is a world of difference in that one year. Heck, some of the 12 year old girls are taller than me and already developing into young women while the 5th graders are still in pigtails!!!
I have calmed down about it and decided not to pursue further with the teacher given that if she was truly concerned, she would have contacted me.
Interesting comment about the mixing of 5th and 6th graders.
DS's school, which goes from pre-k to 8th and separates the 6-8th kids from the youngers, is now considering changing the combination so that 5th/6th and 7th/8th are the groupings.
The reasoning is that research shows greater developmental difference between 6th and 7th grade kids than between 5th and 6th grade kids.
Having seen the huge leap DS and most of his friends have made intellectually and emotionally (not just physically) in the past few years, I have to say that's probably true.
IMO, you should be glad your 6th grader is around 5th graders instead of some of the 7th graders I've seen. Wowsa!
k
They have split classes because
(1) Not enough kids to for a full grade 5 or a full grade 6 class. It is as simple as that.
(2) Can not have a split grade 6 & 7 classes because the curiculum are very different
and,in some schools, the school stops at grade 6
The schools have no choice.
She is in Ontario.
Many schools in Ontario only go up to Grade 6. The kids have to move to another school for Grade 7 & 8. Some of these schools are K-8 (with many grade 7 & Grade 8 classes..feeder schools for the surrounding K-6 schools) but the two parts are "keep separate. Some are just Grade 7 & 8 schools..
A school would not have a split Grade 6 & 7 class because the structure of the curiculum is very different in Ontario between Grade 7 & Grade 6. Grade 7 & 8 is middle school. K-6 is elementary school.
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