So upset about 18 year old daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
So upset about 18 year old daughter
4
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:35am

Hello,

I'm sitting here at 2AM in tears searching the internet...hoping someone can help me...

I have an 18 year old daughter, in her last year of high school, I love my daughter more than anything in this world and would do anything for her but she is driving me insane, I do know why she is so unhappy and has even said she hates life and everyone in it...her father is a nutcase...extremely mentally abusive and has been

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 1:46pm

Thank you everyone for your advice and also for listening, it is 11:30AM..my daughter did not go to school today as she did not feel well (!)....now she's getting ready to meet this friend downtown to see a movie.....:( she yet again asked if he could come over an stay the night.....I said no, I've told you over and over and you need to stop asking, he can come over during the day and that's it...she had a fit, called me all kinds of things and that I was mental, I told her how disrespectful she is and walked away and she followed yelling, I am going crazy with this....she cannot accept

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 9:37am

I don't really have any advice but many gentle hugs. Are you getting help for your depression/self esteem issues? Is your dd getting the help SHE needs if she's that unhappy with life? Does your dd work or is she involved in any outside activities? Perhaps you should sit both her and the boy down and make the rules clear. If he comes over, he leaves right after supper. If your dd throws a fit and tries to get you to let him stay, he loses the privilege of coming over at all and they just see each other at school. If they don't like the rules they are welcome to find a place to live together. I also think you need to stop beating yourself up so much and blaming yourself. Sure, maybe there are things you wish you would have done differently but your dd is 18 and is old enough to make her own choices and take accountability for her own actions. Is the boy also 18? If so - why are you driving him around? Does he not have a license or did he lose it?

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 8:26am

What are your daughter's plans post graduation? That is only 2 1/2 months away, correct?

I know you are stressed but would it be possible to tough out the situation with the boy until graduation? Set a date ahead and help them make plans and then pull your strength together and stick to the deadline.

You don't say if this is a BF/GF situation but I am assuming it is. Perhaps it is best they find a place togehter this summer

Also, can't you get your husband involved? Surely he could help with getting this young man out. I know what you said about him but you have obviously stuck this marriage out for decades so there is something of value there-some good day, some redeeming factor. Can you take a good day and turn it to your advantage with this young man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 6:41am

Many gentle hugs to you.