So when they turn 18??
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So when they turn 18??
| Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:55am |
Can someone please clarify me on what suddenly happens when your kids turn 18? It seems from different threads I've read over the past few months that the kids then have rights that their parents have no control over. I never went through that rebellious stage unfortunately, so I continued to defer to my parents at least until I was through college (and I started college well before I turned 18). I know kids can't legally drink until they're 21. Are they legally allowed to do everything else when they're 18? Even if they're still in high school and financially dependent on their parents?
I'm not being argumentative--I just want to know because I have less than 2 years till my oldest turns 18!

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Very well said Jenny...and I am totally with you on this!
I think many adults talk about the "when they are 18 they are adults. what can I do?" mentality. I never brought it up to my son in except that he now has more responsibility in his life.
I know many parents who are struggling through this transition. One thing that has helped us is we have been giving him room to make mistakes for a year now. He opened a checking account, got direct deposit, a debit card, and other things he needs to learn to do as an adult. He has worked for three years and though he drives in crazy in moments he really is very mature and make good choices (for the most part).
Many parents struggle to let go of the people they gave birth to gracefully. They need room to grow and make mistakes to learn from. Kids will figure it out - come up with her game plan now - to use against her later. What happens is two fold - parents are freaking out because their babies are becoming adults and kids become deer in headlights - who think they know everything. Many kids become shell shocked about having to "choose" thier futures. They don't share this panic, except with each other, and they begin to want a future to pick them. I have seen young girls get to this point who get pregnant as a way of having their furture choose them.... because it is better to have your future pick you than to make a choice to be wrong (in the teenage mind). Some kids do know exactly what they want to do and never waiver - and some kids don't freak out until college. This IS why the most common major IS undeclared.
It boils down to the line that literally made me burst into tears last year on one of the final Gilmore Girl episodes - they are packing Rory up and she has to leave before they had planned and the mom is running down the list of things she still "needs" and she looks at her mom and says "You have given me everything I need." We have to trust this as parents - we have to trust that we have emparted all the things we learned along the way... which is why we freak out.
So I know I went on a bit - but I think the parents set the tone for how this goes. Admittedly, my son has only been 18 for a month - but the only change has been more ownership of his stuff.
Courtney
I pray my wish, will come true, for my child, and your child too...
Courtney
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom
Courtney,
I think that's very well said. I agree that a lot of this has to do with the parents' attitude towards the child turning 18. You also put an interesting spin on it--it isn't just a matter of the kid having so much more freedom,
I really like the wording of this :
How tightly to hold the reins on an 18yo can vary from 'not at all' to 'no differently than at age 15'. It really depends on the individual kid. No two are alike, even if raised the same way, in the same family.
While listening to our kids' wishes, we parents just have to go with our gut feelings in deciding how much contact/control to use in order to maintain their respect.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
How tightly to hold the reins on an 18yo can vary from 'not at all' to 'no differently than at age 15'. It really depends on the individual kid. No two are alike, even if raised the same way, in the same family.
Good point.
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