sometimes parents make me wonder

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
sometimes parents make me wonder
15
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 3:35pm

I heard a piece of information this week that, well, makes me wonder about parents.
Parents of a couple (acquantances of my DD) allowed the couple to rent a motel room & spend the night together after the prom. The parents had to do it because the kids are underage!
This is both set of parents!

When I overheard DD and her friends talking about it, I was floored.

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 6:04pm

Yes, you hear about parents doing all kinds of things. I've told this story here before, my dd knew a boy who had his 15th birthday party at home. The parents were there but mostly stayed out of sight. They purchased alcohol for the party. All pot and cigarette smoking had to be done outside. The guests ranged from 13-18yo. (I refused to allow dd to go when I heard that "anybody too drunk to drive home can spend the night".) And get this: the father is an attorney!!!

When my niece graduated from HS she and her bf and another 17-18yo couple flew to Cabo San Lucas and stayed a few days at a hotel or condo, and my brother and SIL paid her portion. This trip was in lieu of some kind of senior party trip to Mexico or where ever. I totally didn't understand how he thought this was okay but my kids were younger then so what did I know about having a 17yo? When my kids hit 17-18 I *still* didn't condone them doing something like that and definitely would not pay for it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:32pm
It's sad, isn't it?
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:22am
You know, I realize that you can't stop people from doing what they are determined to do. But for me, as a parent, there is something as a little bit "too much information". To me the issue isn't that people have sex in their teens or before marriage but that they treat it soooo casually that parents, friends, etc are all in on the secret. What happened to being discrete about something? I certainly never shared my sex life with my parents because I felt it was personal. I never even felt comfortable talking to friends about that sort of thing. I think parents need to be teaching their kids about making wise decisions in their sex lives but I don't think its our role to be arranging the details! Reserving a hotel room eh? Gee, did the dad buy the boy a pack of condoms too? And did mom help her daughter buy some sexy lingerie? A little too close for comfort for me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:06am

I agree with you. It sounds like "borderline" pimping. Needless to say, my DD is not friends with this couple anymore.

Shouldn't be surprised. The boy's parents were hosting "outdoor" sleepovers for the gang of kids when they were 13 and 14. I never allowed DD to stay over at these parties.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:26pm
DD's b/f's mom has been called by the police several times to come pick up drunk. She will leave with him, ride around till the cops are gone and then take him back to his truck. He is then free to ride around and continue on with his evening activities!! Granted he is 20 now but she's done this since he was 15/16 AND drunk driving is drunk driving regardless. And on top of that, she lies to her DH about where she is going when she gets these calls - suddenly her parents aren't feeling well and she has to go check on them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 1:45pm
When was it that parents stopped being parents and started trying to be their kids' best friends? You hear this kind of thing all the time!!! What is it with our generation? I know for me I am constantly struggling between allowing my kids freedom to do the things they want to and guiding them to learn the difference between right and wrong and just basic morals. It is a struggle because you constantly hear 'well so&so's parents are letting them...' That - plus when i was a child my dad was sooo strict on me - way more so than other parents and today he and my mom finally admit to that. So - I said as a parent I wanted to find a better balance and sometimes I think I may have been too lenient. But - when I hear some of the stories - I know I am way more strict. The other day on Dr. Phil he had a single mom of a 13 year old who was allowing her dd to drink, smoke and have an 18 year old b/f in her home. When the mom would go to bed at night, she would awaken in the morning to find the 18 y/o b/f in bed with her 13 y/o dd. Her reasoning was what others have said - "if they are going to do this stuff anyway, i want them to be in a safe place, i.e. my home." GIVE ME A BREAK!! This is why kids today are so desensitized to sex, drugs, etc. Grow a backbone and be a parent!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 2:49pm
Amen!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:15pm

Here here! May sound weird but....let them go out and find a back seat like the rest of us did! LOL....

No really...my parents made it hard for me and I'm glad for that because I was well into my 20s before I was sexually active. Before that with limited time, permission, circumstances etc. it was mostly "making out" and that's about it. And looking back at some of those "boys" I made out with I'm glad it didn't go any further....LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:56pm
I feel like I'm in the minority insisting on knowing where my teen is going and who she will be with. The way my dd talks, no one elses parents do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 10:04am

Well I wouldn't put much stock in what your dd says other people's parents insist upon. Certainly there are parents who are more permissive than others but I'd say on the whole you don't know what the other kids are required to do. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only parent who is calling or texting my dd's cell to check in on her but with the number of kids out there carrying their phones I'm certainly NOT the only parent who's calling.

But I think for me anyway its also that I am a very involved parent and I am one of those that does try to make things safe and easy for my dd. For example, my dd and her friends bought tickets to a concert two weeks from now. The concert is in the city and they have zero experience commuting to the city and how to handle themselves. So I offered my services to "chaperone" in a way by getting a ticket myself and going along. I also bought the tickets on the other side of the theatre so I didn't interfere...

Personally I have no taste for this particular band but it was either I go along or subject these kids to the dangers of the city. They "claim" their parents would let them go anyway but I know for a fact I was used as a bargaining chip ie that so-and-so's mom is coming along otherwise these parents wouldn't have allowed the trip...

So you don't know what you don't know ... all is not as it appears.

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