sometimes parents make me wonder

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
sometimes parents make me wonder
15
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 3:35pm

I heard a piece of information this week that, well, makes me wonder about parents.
Parents of a couple (acquantances of my DD) allowed the couple to rent a motel room & spend the night together after the prom. The parents had to do it because the kids are underage!
This is both set of parents!

When I overheard DD and her friends talking about it, I was floored.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 1:44pm

OH


MY


GOD!!


And I feel like a permissive parent letting my kids take the friggin bus!


Mike (DH) and I were JUST talking about these types of scenarios the other day. The kids we knew in HS whose parents adopted the attitude of "they're going to do it anyway" by providing alcohol and a house for parties etc did a GREAT disservice to their kids. I was no prude in HS, I did plen-tay of partying. At least my parents made me work a little harder and smarter to be able to get my ya-ya's out. Some of my pals had these kinds of permissive parents and even as a kid I knew there was essentially something wrong with this. It sends a wrong message to the kids. Most of these kids grew up to be losers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:34pm
So this is the same b/f whose family she chooses to hang out with? Well, its pretty clear that she thinks its great to have a family who is that "liberal". But I would bet you dollars to doughnuts that when they have kids (God forbid, huh?) she will never leave them with that woman, and instead always leave them with the woman she trusts with her children -that would be you. I bet you can't wait till she wises up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 3:18pm

I agree with everything that is being said here about "those parents". However, I'm beginning to think its time for some action. Where is that village? I do believe we are going to have to start, as parents, to hold these other "loser parents" accountable. I'm not sure how we can go about this - other than the obvious reporting to the authorities of alcohol being served to minors, etc. Perhaps forcing these parents to repeat their plans to us to our face, "You're doing what?" with a dumbfounded, uncomprehending look on our own face.

I know its a free country and parents can ruin their kids if they so choose to, but again, what happened to that village?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 4:00pm

I agree that actually getting a hotel room for your DD & BF to sleep together is way over the line. I think it's good to instill a little of that guilt in the kids. When my DD got her license, the rule in our state is that for the 1st 6 mos., there is no driving with anyone under 18 in the car unless an adult is present. Accd. to my DD, many of her friends' parents said it was ok to disobey that rule. On the other hand, I was always nagging her about it. Now I know that she didn't always do that, although I never caught her directly. But it's another thing to say you don't have to obey the law. Now she passed the 6 mos. (thank god) but until she's 18, she has to be home by midnight. I do not allow her to drive after that because I don't want her to have to pay the fine. However, if she does get caught, she will be the one paying for it, not me.

As far as buying alcohol for kids, those parents will be sorry if they get caught. In MA, where I live, it's a criminal offense, and parents are prosecuted for that. Plus if someone leave the house and gets into a car accident, those parents who provided the alcohol are going to get sued and their ins. co. may not even defend them because it's illegal, so they might lose their house just cause they want to be a pal to their kids.

I'm not thinking that my kids are going to wait til they get married to have sex, but I would strongly encourage them to wait until they are adults in a serious relationship, not kids. I don't think any h.s. kid is mature enough to deal w/ the consequences of having sex. My DD's best friend's mother got pregnant w/ her when she was 18. She has seen how the mother is now trying to finish college as an adult w/ 4 kids (she's pregnant w/ #5) and work on top of that and how hard that is, so hopefully she will think about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 12:45pm
I don't know - it seems to run in certain circles....with my 13 year old daughter's friends, the parents are all VERY conscientious, checking up on plans, etc. But with my 15 year old foster son, none of the parents honestly seem to give a crap. We've had parents call here after midnight looking for their sons and saying "I'm beginning to get worried...I haven't seen him in 2 days..." and we're talking about 14 and 15 year olds! There is one set of parents -they are separated and neither one EVER knows where their son is. Austin will call both parents looking for him, and get "Gee, I think he's crashing at someone's house tonight... not sure..." and that will go on for WEEKS at a time. I wonder if it is partly the different way we (as a society) raise boys and girls - do we worry less about the boys and give them more freedom? But I think it is more the TYPE of families. I don't know why exactly, but Austin seems to really gravitate towards kids from fairly dysfunctional families.

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