son can't see girl is bad news, HELP
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son can't see girl is bad news, HELP
| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 10:56pm |
I'm trying very hard to let my son make his own mistakes and not interfere with his friendships. He has a good heart and wants to help everyone out, sometimes even financially. My son is 16 and one of his friends that he does spend some time with happens to be 19. They have been friends for over a year, anyway, he met this girl who is 20 at this friends house. She is either still married or divorced, can't seem to get the story straight, has a 2 year old child that has been moved from place to place. My son has really taken to liking this girl. I have more than told my son how I feel about him spending time with this girl. She is too old, might still be married, has made bad choices. Has asked my son for money on occasion. Calls my son, crying, upset with her husband or whatever. Anyway, she is really bad news. My son doesn't like what I have to say about her, he really defends her. She once moved away and he told me how he really felt about her, that he had feelings. She knows this and uses it to her advantage by telling him to jump and he does. She is moving back and asked my son, who is 16, to drive to pick her up, in another state about 8 hours away. Now my question, am I being too over protective by telling him no. Am I just going to make him want to spend time with her even more. What can I do. I don't like to limit his time with this other friend, who is 19, but she seems to always be at this guys house when my son is there. My son thinks that I am not trusting him by telling him he can't go to get her. Any advice is really appreciated. I am a single mother and don't always have all the right answers.

I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of advice for you! Hopefully there'll be someone else who does. It seems like no matter what the situation, someone here has great suggestions.
Not necessarily advice, but I totally agree with you that your DS should not be allowed to drive 8 hours to pick this girl up. At 16, I don't feel he is experienced enough a driver to attempt a drive like that. 8 hours on an interstate and crossing state lines is tough driving for even experienced drivers and a 16 hour round-trip has the potential for disaster. If he thinks he going to do a turn-around round-trip, I would say that is definitely out of the question.
I don't know what state you live in, but in California, new drivers cannot have any non-family members in the car with them for a certain number of months after getting a license. (I don't know what the number of months is, don't have any drivers yet :-))
You may just want to focus on the driving and safety issue as reasons for saying no and leave the girl out of the equation for now.
I'm sure others will have better advice about the relationship.
Good luck.
She doesn't have $$ coz she can't work coz she has to take care of her son??? Puuuullllleeeeeaaaassseee!!!! Excuses, excuses.... some of us were thankful to get a 6 week maternity leave before having to go back to work!!
At 16 I would NOT allow my son to make a 16 hour round trip to pick up a girl, driving or not.
No you're not being over-protective.
No way would allow this no matter how much he yelled and stomped around - there is just no way.
First, I doubt this woman wants to truly date your son - I think she's just using his feelings for her to get what she wants. Plus, she sounds incredibly emotionally immature. It's very likely she has something for the 19 y/o, not your son at all. She's just enjoying all the attention she gets from both boys.
I would definitely limit time spent with the 19 y/o boy also because you know that when your son is with him, he will likely be around her as well. Your son should be hanging with kids his own age. When there is an age difference of 3-4 years at 16, it spells nothing but trouble to me.
I can't really give you advice about how to handle the situation with the girl but there is no way that I would let a 16 y/o make an 8 hour drive without an adult in the car. That's just not safe. I would take that position on this particular situation.
You can read my other post about how I dealt with a b/f that I didn't think was good for my DD but my dealings primarily had to do with after they broke up. I talked with his grandmother (his guardian at the time) and we agreed that they did not need to have any contact at all. We talked to the principal and teachers at school to insure that they didn't talk. She was made to spend extra time with her family during this period so that we could build up her self-esteem. She fought us tooth and nails but this was the only way that we could see to get her away from his emotional manipulation. I wish you alot of luck with this. It's not an easy road that you have ahead of you and you know your son better than anyone so you have to figure out the best thing for him and stick to it even if it makes him mad. He's not an adult yet. In DD's case, she truly needed us to step in and be parents. Now 2 years later, she sees that she needed us to do what we did but at the time we were controlling, mean-spirited, heartless people that just wanted to ruin her life and his life. I don't know what the answer is for your son but give it alot of thought. I prayed very hard and the decision to cut off all contact literally came to me in a deep sleep. I just suddenly woke up with it and new it was the best thing for us to do. You will have to give this some serious consideration, come up with a solution, and stick to it (that's the hard part).
Good Luck!!
The law was just changed this year in California, and it's now a year without any non-family passengers. Even I (mom that worries non-stop) think this is overkill. Plus, the first offense is a $30 ticket. Kids are not taking this seriously at all. I don't know if I can realistically get my ds to observe one year but I will certainly do the 6 months!