Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend
17
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:56am
I have a son who will be 18 soon. He has never had a date with a girl. All of his friends except for 1 have or had girlfriends in the past. He is not homely, has a good personality, but is somewhat shy around girls. When I ask about his friends girlfriends he always has negative comments about them, they are ugly, they are sluts, they smoke, etc. Is he just to picky? WHen I ask if he will ever ask a girl out, he says he is not the type to just go up and ask a girl out. Does anyone else out there have a son like this? My husband says it will happen when he is ready, but it sure is taking along time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:16am
Maybe he is gay and isn't ready to let you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:26am

If he is otherwise a happy person who has friends and a social life and interests that occupy him outside the home, then when he is ready to have a girlfriend, he will. Everyone has their own speed when it comes to dating and relationships and if he seems "picky" about girls, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe he takes these things more seriously than his friends and isn't comfortable with casual relationships.

If its not making him unhappy then, let him be. When the right girl comes along he'll figure it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:38am

It could just be that he's just not ready for that kind of relationship with girls. Does he have other friends, an active life in school and hobbies? Is he worried about not having a girlfriend? If he is, maybe there's a counselor he can talk to about getting more comfortable with girls. Or a club he can join that helps him get to know girls in a wider variety of ways.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 9:25am
Unless he seems really depressed about not having a girl friend I wouldn't worry about it.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:19am

My oldest had a in school relationship in high school-meet in the halls, peck on the cheek type thing-honestly, the sort of think most kids probably do in junior high. They never saw each other outside of school.His first 'date'was at 19 and it was a girl from work who made all the moves.

The have been together over a year and even live together. I like her but it does bother me that his first may be his only

At the same time, Im not surprised. My brother married the second girl he dated and would have married the first but she broke up with him. EXACT same scenario for my 29 yr old nephew-all started dating late, as did I(summer after HS)

DS3 will be just like DS1. DS2 is more like DH but even he is hardly girl crazy!

What was DH like? Brother and brothers in law? It might give you some insight!

Both my boys have expressed dismay at what can be typical HS girl behavior-the giggling, the crying, the DRAMA. I think that is why meeting girls in other settings who are perhaps past that stage holds more appeal. DS2 had a semi serious summer relationship and it too was soomeone he met at work(hes 18-just graduated; she's 19 and a college soph)

There are perks and I am reminded of them when I read about the 13/14 yr old BF/GF issues on the board. I dealt with none of that-heck, my now 14 year old only stopped playing with matchbox cars at about 13!

Theres that saying about not being a race??? Cant remember but it fits here

Gay? I wouldnt pass that judgement based on this alone, expecially if he fits the laid back, shy, not going to make a first move personality

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:47am

Like most everyone else says, if your DS seems happy, is involved in activities that keep him busy, I wouldn't worry about this much.

My DD, while a few years younger, thinks the idea of having a bf just to have a bf is pretty darn silly. She feels there is just too much drama associated with the bf/gf thing and seems more comfortable with having boys as just friends at this point, anyway. Says she is is 'waiting' for something special. Could be your DS is that way too. Nothing wrong with that!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:01am

My DD is 17.5 and has never had a BF, not that she hasn't liked certain guys. Of course, she will pick the guy who already has a GF or someone who is unattainable. She has gone to all dances, but she has been the one to ask the guy. I guess she would rather have a certain date than wait around for him to ask. She is beautiful, smart and has a lot of friends. She also hangs out w/ a lot of guys who are friends. I guess you can't push it. It also seems like kids don't really "date"--they either hang out w/ friends in groups or it's a really serious relationship.

As far as being gay, my late brother was gay and he was extremely popular w/ the girls in HS. He always had dates to the proms, etc. and had GFs since he wasn't ready to come out yet. He also had a big group of male friends, none of whom were gay as far as I know, so you really can't assume that just cause your son doesn't have a GF that he's gay. He might just be a late bloomer socially or shy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:57am
You are complaining? Woman, be thankful that your son is not driven by his hormones to date just any girl. Your DH is right. It will happen when he finds the girl for him. Relax and let him be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:06pm

My DD (18) hasn't had a b/f. She found most of the boys in school annoying & very immature. She has many "friends who are boys";they are like brothers.

Some kids have lower sex drives than others. Nothing wrong with that. Some kids are more picky. Nothing wrong with that.

And some people marry the first & only g/f or b/f. I say great! If it works, think of all the heartache and pain they miss out on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:26pm
I have a DD like that. She was probably 22 before she ever had a date. It bothered me a little b/c I felt like she was missing out on some normal teen things but she was happy and successful in all other areas of her life so who was I to change her. At 22 she met a man and is still dating him. He is older than she is and this should probably bother me but has always been more mature than most people her age so she's compatible with him. When he's ready, he'll meet someone and it will work out.

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