Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend
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Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend
| Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:56am |
I have a son who will be 18 soon. He has never had a date with a girl. All of his friends except for 1 have or had girlfriends in the past. He is not homely, has a good personality, but is somewhat shy around girls. When I ask about his friends girlfriends he always has negative comments about them, they are ugly, they are sluts, they smoke, etc. Is he just to picky? WHen I ask if he will ever ask a girl out, he says he is not the type to just go up and ask a girl out. Does anyone else out there have a son like this? My husband says it will happen when he is ready, but it sure is taking along time!

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If he is otherwise a happy person who has friends and a social life and interests that occupy him outside the home, then when he is ready to have a girlfriend, he will. Everyone has their own speed when it comes to dating and relationships and if he seems "picky" about girls, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe he takes these things more seriously than his friends and isn't comfortable with casual relationships.
If its not making him unhappy then, let him be. When the right girl comes along he'll figure it out.
It could just be that he's just not ready for that kind of relationship with girls. Does he have other friends, an active life in school and hobbies? Is he worried about not having a girlfriend? If he is, maybe there's a counselor he can talk to about getting more comfortable with girls. Or a club he can join that helps him get to know girls in a wider variety of ways.
Sue
My oldest had a in school relationship in high school-meet in the halls, peck on the cheek type thing-honestly, the sort of think most kids probably do in junior high. They never saw each other outside of school.His first 'date'was at 19 and it was a girl from work who made all the moves.
The have been together over a year and even live together. I like her but it does bother me that his first may be his only
At the same time, Im not surprised. My brother married the second girl he dated and would have married the first but she broke up with him. EXACT same scenario for my 29 yr old nephew-all started dating late, as did I(summer after HS)
DS3 will be just like DS1. DS2 is more like DH but even he is hardly girl crazy!
What was DH like? Brother and brothers in law? It might give you some insight!
Both my boys have expressed dismay at what can be typical HS girl behavior-the giggling, the crying, the DRAMA. I think that is why meeting girls in other settings who are perhaps past that stage holds more appeal. DS2 had a semi serious summer relationship and it too was soomeone he met at work(hes 18-just graduated; she's 19 and a college soph)
There are perks and I am reminded of them when I read about the 13/14 yr old BF/GF issues on the board. I dealt with none of that-heck, my now 14 year old only stopped playing with matchbox cars at about 13!
Theres that saying about not being a race??? Cant remember but it fits here
Gay? I wouldnt pass that judgement based on this alone, expecially if he fits the laid back, shy, not going to make a first move personality
Like most everyone else says, if your DS seems happy, is involved in activities that keep him busy, I wouldn't worry about this much.
My DD, while a few years younger, thinks the idea of having a bf just to have a bf is pretty darn silly. She feels there is just too much drama associated with the bf/gf thing and seems more comfortable with having boys as just friends at this point, anyway. Says she is is 'waiting' for something special. Could be your DS is that way too. Nothing wrong with that!
My DD is 17.5 and has never had a BF, not that she hasn't liked certain guys. Of course, she will pick the guy who already has a GF or someone who is unattainable. She has gone to all dances, but she has been the one to ask the guy. I guess she would rather have a certain date than wait around for him to ask. She is beautiful, smart and has a lot of friends. She also hangs out w/ a lot of guys who are friends. I guess you can't push it. It also seems like kids don't really "date"--they either hang out w/ friends in groups or it's a really serious relationship.
As far as being gay, my late brother was gay and he was extremely popular w/ the girls in HS. He always had dates to the proms, etc. and had GFs since he wasn't ready to come out yet. He also had a big group of male friends, none of whom were gay as far as I know, so you really can't assume that just cause your son doesn't have a GF that he's gay. He might just be a late bloomer socially or shy.
My DD (18) hasn't had a b/f. She found most of the boys in school annoying & very immature. She has many "friends who are boys";they are like brothers.
Some kids have lower sex drives than others. Nothing wrong with that. Some kids are more picky. Nothing wrong with that.
And some people marry the first & only g/f or b/f. I say great! If it works, think of all the heartache and pain they miss out on!
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