Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend
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Son Has Not Had A Girlfriend
| Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:56am |
I have a son who will be 18 soon. He has never had a date with a girl. All of his friends except for 1 have or had girlfriends in the past. He is not homely, has a good personality, but is somewhat shy around girls. When I ask about his friends girlfriends he always has negative comments about them, they are ugly, they are sluts, they smoke, etc. Is he just to picky? WHen I ask if he will ever ask a girl out, he says he is not the type to just go up and ask a girl out. Does anyone else out there have a son like this? My husband says it will happen when he is ready, but it sure is taking along time!

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My ds did not date in HS. He said that he didn't want to be a "purse"!! To him it looked like the guys were mainly accessories for the girls or someone to carry their stuff, do their bidding etc. He also hated all of the drama that HS girls tend to get involved in. I think he wanted to feel a real connection with someone, and didn't want to waste his time or money on just going through the motions. His only HS date was the senior prom, and that was with a girl that was a friend.
My ds had friends (guys and girls) in HS but he really blossomed socially when he went off to college and became much more outgoing. Still, he only dated a little in college, mostly hung out with a mixed group. When he was 20 he and a gal friend from HS started hanging out again which led to dating and they are still together nearly 3 years later (although I doubt that they will end up married).
Your son will date when the time is right for him and when he meets the right person. It is fine to be picky!
My DD has done that, too. She had a crush on the same boy for just about the entire 1st semester last year. She spotted him during PE but didn't actually meet him or get to know him.
They ended up in the same Science class for 2nd semester and once she got to know him better, saw what he was like, etc., she decided he wasn't worth anymore of her time!
My dd16 started dating this very nice 18yr old boy about 9-10 months ago. DD was his first gf and his mother was soo happy because she was worried about him too. In fact, his family used to tease him that he was gay. The mother was even thrilled when after just 2 months the bf bought my DD a beautiful diamond promise ring (I was NOT happy and posted my concerns with this board).
Well his mom no longer likes my DD too much because, according to the bf, she feels that DD stole her son away from her. The more resentful the mom became the less time they started spending at her house and now the bf practically lives at my house - they are together constantly. (I've posted my concerns about this too...lol).
I think you should count your blessings....your DS will date when he is ready. I agree with many of the other posts...as long as he is involved in other groups and activities and seems happy enough let him be.
I agree with the others that you should feel grateful that he is picky. Maybe you will actually love your dil! LOL. I would add to that my concern that you or anyone else assume he is gay simply because he has not had a girlfriend yet. If he is not gay, and more than likely he is not, he will be pretty angry that you thought he might be!
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I agree. My husband was like that. He didn't date until college and when we started dating, he made it clear that he looking for a long term relationship that could potentially turn into a lifetime commitment. Anway, here we are, still together almost 20 years later and still deeply in love. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
Give your son some time. He'll date when he's ready.
stacy
ITA - my grad school best friend was a guy; he didn't date til he went home for Christmas one year while in grad school, so likely about age 23 at the time. He's a wonderful person (and now happily married with 3 kids, to the 2nd girl he dated); just busy with school and life in general, and didn't have time til then.
Sue
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