son leaving for college soon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
son leaving for college soon
6
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 10:34pm
My son is a senior and leaving for college this summer or in August. He is such a great son and 90 percent of the time enjoyable to be around. We have a 13 year old who is a great son too but I will still really miss our first son. I am so happy for him and want him to go away to college for the experience no matter how I feel but it brings me to tears whenever I think about it. My husband doesn't seem to be as bothered so it's hard to talk him about it. Does anyone have suggestions on what I can do to easy these feelings? Thank you for any suggestions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 12:34am
Beginnings and endings, firsts and lasts - sooooooooooooo hard to handle!!! And with this being your firstborn and therefore the first to go - AND the fact you *enjoy* him - isn't it just the pits that when our kids are at an age where they are truly enjoyable is when they have to leave??

How you are feeling is totally normal, kthill ... when I used to co-cl Surviving High School, there were so many parents whose kids were leaving for college and they all went thru what you are going through. Two of the parents on the board set up a board, Parents of College Students, for this very reason - because there is just so much that you face and feel as a parent with a child leaving for college. So the board is not just for ideas on what to expect or how to handle what kinds of issues your kids are dealing with at college, or for admissions and scholarships and applications and SATs and so on, it was very much initially created as a support board for parents whose kids were LEAVING ...

So - here is the link for their board, and I totally encourage you to visit them. It's a wonderful, supportive, caring group of parents - some with kids who have gone already and with lots each new year whose kids are going for the first time.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psppcollege

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 9:47am

Oh I konw the feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 9:30pm
Thank you both. Maybe that is it, we are a close family, we email during the day too. I can see the "double whammy" will be very difficult for you. I will definitely go to that suggested board, hope to see you there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 9:19pm
I just sent my first son off to college in August, and I haven't seen him since he left...he's 1500 miles away! I went through ALL those same feelings the entire senior year, and shared the same sentiments with all my friends who were sending off their "first-borns." The most important thing I can say is that IF your child goes to a college/town where (s)he is comfortable, and the adjustment over the first 4-6 weeks goes smoothly, the "pain" of the loss is MUCH more tolerable! I know that my son just loves where he's at and it's been a great three months. I miss him terribly; however...we DO talk a lot!!! and we IM A LOT.

1. Get a cell phone plan that has free or unlimited cell-to-cell. It's ABSOLUTELY a wonderful "life-line" between us. He calls MUCH more often than I EVER talked to him last year when he was home. (People had told me this would happen---he calls on his way from a class, etc. when he's just hanging around waiting, etc. I didn't believe MY son would do that...but he has!)

2. Be sure to go with him/her when settling in. It was so comforting to see the kids and the total environment where he'd be.

3. We got the video cams for our computer and his (less than $50 total) and that's pretty cool to "see" his friends, etc.

4. Get the kid a digital camera for graduation...there are so many awesome things that he instantly shares with us!

5. Be sure to find things for yourself to do in the coming year...i.e: find a new volunteer commitment or something that will help you with your own identity, and will take up some of your "free time."

6. Be prepared for the first visits home. I'm getting ready for THAT one, but I've heard it's a toughie because the kids change so much and grow in such an independent manner while away those first few months. (I'll let you know how that goes!)

Good Luck with the rest of Senior Year.

ENJOY!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 6:13pm
You're a mom and you love your kids, you enjoy their company...you have every right to tear up...I tear up everytime we start planning a visit for my daughter with her father in New York...we live in California, and HER visits are at the most two weeks long! Pick a time of day during the week that you can set for him to call and talk to ONLY you (if you have to have him call collect). When he leaves go with him, help him settle in and take a walk around the campus if you can...ALONE. Don't worry about what your husband thinks...he's not a mother. Spend as much time with your sone alone with him that you can between now and then, take photos of these times and create a photo album either a hard copy one or a website to share with friends or everyone in the cyberworld. He will have access to a computer, have him get a messenger or put you on his messengers (MSN, Yahoo ICQ, etc) ICQ allows sending voice and you can chat with him in real time/voice in Yahoo and ICQ you might want to check those places out...you can even creat your own private rooms in Yahoo that no one else can have access too unless YOU invite them.

My daughter is also a senior in highschool but luckily(?) she will be going to a college within 45 minutes of home so she will still be living here (sigh). Good luck and hang in there you will get used to it...and make sure you take a box of tissues with you :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 8:44pm
Great ideas! Thank you! We will do all of these. He is getting some great offers so that helps to make this exciting instead of something to dread. Again, thanks for the good ideas.