Son smoking pot - don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Son smoking pot - don't know what to do
77
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 9:31pm

I am at a loss and just don't know how to proceed right now.


I am a single parent to 17 year old twin boys. I have no family support what so ever.


One of my boys has started to change. Now I understand that he is growing up and asserting himself and his independence. He is almost 18 and about to graduate. And if it was just that I would let it go, however I am concerned about his actions as of late.


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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:50pm
How close is he to 18?



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:52pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 7:26am

"Do not be afraid of your son - you cannot win this battle if you begin from a place of fear."

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 7:38am
I think you need to have a more balanced response to this. Don't get me wrong - I am the biggest anti-druggie you could meet - I was straight in HS and have very little understanding or sympathy for this choice. BUT, if you are over-dramatic, your son will just tune you out. If he's smoking pot once or twice a week, in reality it may NOT affect his school in the short or long term. I would be very unhappy about the choice, and would discourage it, but I would try to save the big emotions. If he keeps his grades up, is respectful at home, etc - you might decide NOT to have this be the "hill you die on" (thanks, Marie, I love that image!)

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 7:48am

First let me say how sorry i am that you have to deal with this. But now let me tell you alittle story about my step daughter. When she was around 12 yrs old she started smoking pot. Well shortly after that when she couldn't get a buzz of the pot anymore she went to herion. Well she OD'ed and was on life support for over two weeks. (I have pics if you would me to send them to you so you can show them to your son). She came home and two weeks later OD'ed again. Thankfully she made it. Now that is a very short verison of the whole story. Now here is my advice.


First, You need to get him into a rehap NOW. You can call your local drug and alcho. dept and they will help you. If your insurance doesn't cover this they should ask the state to cover it. If you don't get this child help NOW you are not helping him in anyway. The only thing you will be doing is helping him get high. You need to STOP giving him any type of money. Kick his ass out and only let him back to feed him and then he is back out. If he steals anything from your home you need to have him arrested. As harsh as that sounds it's the only way he is going to hit bottom. Tough love goes along way. If his car is in your name or the insurance you need to have it all dropped.


Don't let him tell you, Mom i'm going to stop,one more chance and so on. DON"T BELEIVE HIM. HE WON"T STOP. He will move on to bigger drugs and then end up on life support or dead of a OD. If you would like to talk please email me and we can swap phone numbers or emails. We have been dealing with this type of thing for the past ten years so i've learned alot and feel i could help you alittle or just been a ear for you to vent/cry to without judgement. harryjenn@verizon.net


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Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:01am

You know, when I was a teen, around that same age, and someone would pass around a joint or two behind the school (yup....behind the school!) I took a few drags here and there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:11am
I never did drugs in high school. I was terrified. But once I left home and got out on my own, look out. I was functional...worked, a lot, paid my rent and my car blah blah blah...eventually I gave up pot smoking and started drinking. Every night after work we'd go out, sometimes we didn't even eat dinner. Eventually I tried cocaine and spent the better part of the 80's and most of my money on it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:45am

first of all - breathe........


i first started to smoke pot when i was in college ( i was too afraid in high school) back in the 70's.... and i turned out fine - better than fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:24am

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Standard line. I would encourage you not to believe it

Wake up call for me was someone telling me that if DS had a pipe, he had been smoking awhile as that is not where you start with pot. I was grateful for that information and it gave me a reality check(we had found the pipe)

Still, I was stumped as to what to do. I smoked pot in college and for several years after and it never 'got the better of me'. I never tried anything else or had any interest in doing so.

Their grades do not always plummet. As someone said, pot use is very common. If your son has been to a party, both alcohol and pot have been available; it's not hard to find

I made it clear I did not approve and stressed, as with drinking, that he was never to drive impaired. I talked of keeping it recreational and about other drug use. I did call around to a few drug programs but did not feel any of them were appropriate. I have some experience with them through my work and frankly, most of them are dealing with a lot more hard core stuff than teens smoking pot! You dont want to throw a teen who shoplifted a pack of snacks in a cell with a 38 yr old ex con who just held up the local minimart with a shotgun, KWIM?

I thought of testing and giving consequences but, in the end, chose not to fight this particular battle but to try to educate him on using the pot wisely.

FWIW he is a sophomore in college and says he has learned when he can and cant smoke and feels he has it under control. He had one B and the rest As this past semester. Last year he says he smoked too much and at the wrong times and rarely attended class. Still, he had Bs and Cs-not stellar grades but hardly falling in the gutter grades either!

Its tough-do the best you can. As with drinking, I think making sure he knows what to do when its time to drive is paramount. Pot does affect motivation-that is a very real side effect and if you talk about that without too much drama, he will listen. But, remember, these kids are well educated-they have grown up with Google-do NOT try to scare him because he will just stop listening

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 4:26pm

I am afraid if I push to hard he'll do something stupid like move out and drop out of school.


And if you don't push hard your son will start the long road to drug addiction.

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