Son wants to dress as a girl for Halloween

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Son wants to dress as a girl for Halloween
18
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 10:03pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 2:40pm

I'd be more concerned about a grown man with such a limited view of masculinity than I would about a boy who wants to dress like a girl for Halloween.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 5:23pm

Hello everyone. I need to make a confession about my last post. Yes, it is true, I copied a letter that I had read several years ago concerning someone's son dressing as a girl. Since then this problem has become an issue with myself, son, and husband, just as the past mother had posted. Instead of trying to explain my own problems/thoughts concerning this, I didn't have the courage to write my own letter. Remembering the letter I had read, and knowing it was so close to the problem I now have, I chose to copy it. I apologize to everyone for doing this. I just didn't know how to write a letter about something like this. My husband is not so straight laced as the father in the other letter, but he was not happy about my son wanting to dress as a girl. There was no theats from him...just a feeling of disappointment I think.

I do want to thank those who wrote with their thoughts, it has helped a great deal. Again, I'm sorry for what I did. I hope you can forgive me. I'm still in between allowing my son to do this, and encourging him to go against his father.

Thank you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 6:51pm

I can't help it--I have a great memory for things that are totally unimportant.

Maybe you could show your DH some or all of the responses and tell him that everybody else really thinks that it's no big deal.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 10-24-2011 - 7:38pm

I had a whole post, and it failed. In shorthand, I said... Find your backbone and do NOT encourage your son to go against his father. Instead, tell your husband to stop sulking about something that is irrelevant today, and HAS been irrelevant for much of history.
In England, during Shakespeare's era, all the actors were men and boys. In addition to all the actors being male, about 20% of Shakespeare's plays involved cross-dressing, which led to men disguised as women, dressing as men. And visa versa.
In Japan, Kabuki theater began as all WOMEN playing all parts, and evolved to all MEN playing all parts, leading to a continuing tradition in Japanese TV and film.
In America, cross-dressing actors began with the importation of Shakespeare's plays, continued to silent film, and up to today. Dustin Hoffman certainly did not suffer from Tootsie, and neither did Hillary Swank from Boys Don't Cry.
Your husband needs to grow up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:59am

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their comments, and again apologize for not being completely honest. I see the postings to this subject have stopped, and I realize it was because of my own stupidity. For those of you still there, I have decided to allow my son to dress in whatever mode he wants. I have talked to DH, and have got him to calm down. I think showing him your postings have helped. I don't think it's the issue of my son going against his father, it's more that my husband didn't understand all the facts. Thanks again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 11:30am

No worries, Janet! I can see where it would be a bit intimidating coming to an unfamiliar board and posting about such things. Please stick around - even though your ds is only 11 he'll be a teen before you know it! I started lurking here when my oldest was 11 or 12 and now he's 24! The gals (and we've also had some dads over the years) have been a great source of support when I was going through various 'teen issues'. We may all have different challenges/ways of dealing with things but for the most part everyone here is very supportive and non-judgmental. Most of us realize that all kids/parents/family dynamics are different and are respectful of that.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 12:44pm

Thank you Pam. It means a lot to me to know that I'm still welcomed!! Your right, through the years there has been many times when I have needed advice concerning an issue I was unsure of. These boards are almost like an encyclopedia in some ways!!

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 1:10pm

Oh please stay! Of course you're still welcome.

Is this son your only child Janet, or will you have more teens before you know it? From the other side it seems like those years went by in a blink. I'm not quite done, my last teen will graduate high school next year.

I'm happy to hear the costume issue has settled down:smileyhappy:

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