Sophomore Slump, Hormones or Depressed?
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| Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:29am |
~~~ LONG ~~~
I'm a bit worried about DD. She was so happy with life during her freshman year and that's just not holding true this year.
She didn't have a lot going on over the summer, socially, and I noticed she seemed down -- didn't make many efforts to get together with friends, she waited for them to contact her. I thought that once she got back in school, reconnected with friends, etc. she'd perk back up.
Last year, she jumped right into high school life with both feet -- joined clubs, went out of her way to meet people, participated in most everything, tried to eat lunch with different people every day, etc. I figured she do the same things again this year.
Hasn't happened yet. She doesn't like any of her classes this year, (except her AP class which interestingly, is the one with the biggest time and work commitment) is bored, feels like she doesn't have many friends, (and the ones she does have don't like to do anything) no social life, feels 'trapped' and depressed.
After school, she hangs out in one of the buildings with one other person, doesn't get out and socialize, watch sporting events or anything. It's like she's hiding from people. She eats with the same 3-4 people every day, hasn't tried to reconnect with friends from last year, ('they're with their 'other' friends, mom') hasn't joined any clubs, didn't attend the first Model United Nations meeting (which she participated in last year and LOVED), and the big shocker -- she got an F on her first French test. I was very calm when she told me this, didn't react at all hardly. She said French is just really hard this year. She turned down the opportunity to be on the yearbook staff (invite only) because she felt her homework load would be too much.
This all came out Friday night as I was driving her home from the football game. She had made plans to watch the game with a friend, but that fell through when the friend couldn't go to the game. I told her I would take her and her friends to dinner before the game, but most weren't even going to go the game. One girl did join us for dinner, but then went off and joined her other friends (not inviting DD) to watch the game. I told DD that sitting with me probably didn't have much appeal to a teenager! One of her male friends sat with us, but it was a bit awkward, and DD was a bit on edge. There were a few other things, so overall Friday was a pretty disappointing day for her.
I don't know what to think. I told DD that sophomore year was kind of an 'off' year in high school -- it's not the new and exciting freshman year, and not yet upperclassmen, so sophomores are just kind of stuck there, like a middle child. Also that she may have gone into school this year thinking it was going to be a repeat of last year, found it different then what she expected so feels disappointed, and also that she may have gone into this year thinking 'well, I'm not going to be here very long, so why bother?' since we're plannong on moving and didn't extend herself and make an effort like she did last year. She told me it was easy to make friends last year because she didn't know a single person!
We talked more about things and I encouraged her to see if the Drama dept still needs people for the tech crew, something she wanted to do last year but sprained her ankle instead which would force her to get out and she'd definitely meet other people. She promised me she would. I also told her I thought she should try and reconnect with some of the kids she knows locally. She told me she would over the weekend, but she didn't.
She went on a school trip to a Shakespeare Festival last year, had a great time and signed up to go again this year -- she'll be leaving on Thursday.
I'm sure her spirits will lift over the course of the trip, but I think if she slips back into the same mindset, I'd like her to see a counselor. She's a lovely young lady in most every way and I'm puzzled as to why she feels she doesn't fit in.
Any thoughts or ideas?

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Julie - I only had a chance to read a few of the other posts, so I apologize if I'm repeating... I think you know your daughter best, and if things are setting alarm bells off for you, you should respond. It could be any of the things you identified (sophomore slump, etc) or it could be something else. Does she feel sad, or is it you? Maybe she's OK with how things are going (except for the F). If she's feeling down, ask her what would help her feel better. Maybe there's a school counselor she could talk to, or maybe one you can find through your health insurance. I don't see any harm in having your DD talk to a counselor, even for just a few sessions.
I don't know if this helped. I wish I could give you real hugs, but here's some cyber (((HUGS))) instead.
Sue
Thanks Sue, for your sweet thoughts. DD actually came home in really good spirits yesterday. It was such a relief for me to hear her bubbling over with all the funny things that happened at school ... as opposed to a big sigh and an "it was okay" sort of attitude.
Turns out, the class average for that particular French test was an 'F', so the teacher gave the test again to everyone and DD did much, much better the 2nd time around.
She actually took the initiative and did a few of the things I suggested (!) to help get her out of her slump -- had lunch with a friend she hadn't seen much so far this year, went to see if the Drama department still need help on the tech crew (no one there yesterday though) and made a bit of an effort in class with some of the other students.
She did however, hide herself in the Math building again after school with her one friend. She told me she was going to drag her friend off to the courtyard to study until she realized that the entire JV football team was in the building for some sort of meeting and their gear was strewn all over the hallways. So ... they stuck around there until the football players all came out to collect their stuff so she and her girlfriend could ogle all the cute boys ... and she (gasp) actually talked to a few of them!
She has just a 1/2 day of school tomorrow, then leaves Thursday after 1st period for her 14 hour bus ride to the Shakespeare Festival. She's pretty amped up about it, as are the other 40 students who are going, so hopefully ... things will start looking up again for her.
I'm still going to keep a close watch on her, though.
Thanks again,
Julie
That's good to hear, Julie! Sorry I haven't been around much lately - just way too much going on! I'll have to send you an e-mail (when I get the energy, lol).
Take care,
Amelia
{{Julie}}....we worry so much when our kids' lives aren't as full as we expect them to be or want them to be. When you compare this year to last year, the differences are plain to see. But, you know, I really think your dd is okay. To YOU, it may seem like something is missing, and it's very possible that she's feeling a simple lull in her social life, or even perhaps lonely a bit. But that's OKAY.
Try to look at it from a different perspective, as in, well at least she has a small handful of kids that she CAN sit with at lunch or hang out with. And at least ONE of the girls came to the dinner that evening. At least she IS interested in one of her classes, etc. Try to view the glass as half full.
My 18dd knew a lot of kids, she grew up with them. But in her late freshman, early sophomore year of HS, she grew apart from many of them for various reasons. They started having parties that she wasn't into, some started smoking or drinking or having boyfriends and she just wasn't ready to be involved in any of that - she still isn't. She almost always has only one friend at a time. And sadly, she doesn't have a 'best friend'. I say "sadly" for my own benefit - she is okay with this. At times, she gets down about not having a throng of friends to choose from, but she has always said that she'd rather be alone than hang with people for the sake of NOT being alone. My dd's content, she's goal oriented and she's happy, and healthy - just as I suspect your dd is.
I would encourage her to be involved in things she enjoys such as a drama. Perhaps a personal talent that she can do alone, such as painting, claywork, drawing, sewing, knitting, etc. In the meantime, you can also make an effort to get her to open up by going for walks or long drives (a fall foliage walk is nice), etc....my dds' seem to open up more on long drives or over a lunch at the mall.
Maybe during her Shakespeare trip, perhaps she will reconnect with other kids. I certainly think this will pass for now. But keep an eye out for unexplained crying or moping - perhaps this is the onset of a bout of depression, but I wouldn't jump the gun. Many hugs - I will keep you and your dd in my thoughts.
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