Soul Mate?

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Registered: 02-14-2000
Soul Mate?
10
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:54am

A poster in another thread prompted this question.

Pam
Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:05am

I don't look at soulmates meaning there is only one person in the entire world that you are meant for. I look at it more like your personalities and lives mesh naturally. Not necessarily perfectly, because as we all know there is nothing in the world that is perfect. Do I think my husband is my soulmate - yes! We are so much alike but total opposites in the same breath. We finish each other's sentences. We literally read each other's minds so much it's freaky - and not about obvious things.

So in that respect, I believe in soulmates but not in the way the rest of the world may view soulmates....




Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:05am

I love the concept of a soulmate and dearly love my dh, but I wouldn't say he is that soulmate because he's not the type to want to listen to me vent very much, which I definitely need to do on occasion. I find it's better to have someone at work to vent to about work (who can relate), and girlfriends or boards like this to vent to about kids' issues, as at least my dh doesn't want/need to do that as much as I do.

Sue

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Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:29am

My thoughts are pretty much in line with yours on this Pam. It is a little weird though, because I first saw DH at the boarding gate in the LAX airport en route to a resort in Mexico and 'knew' he was the man I would marry.

There are times when we are so in-sync that I think that yes, he truly is my soul mate and then the times we are orbiting in completely different galaxies and then it's a bit of 'what on earth was I thinking!', lol.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:36am

Don't believe in the soul mate concept either. I think we as humans are capable of many different relationships and can make them all successful depending on where we are in life and our priorities at that time.

A young person who is not ready to settle down could be perfectly happy with a partner who is simply out for fun and sex. But then find themselves discontented a few years later and move on to someone more serious.

You can fall in love with an marry someone and stay married to them happily for years and then find yourself gradually incompatable as you grow older and your interests change.

You can fall in love with and marry someone and find yourself widowed only to find a new love and fall in love again with someone brand new and often quite different.

The fact that people love and marry many times in their lives often successfully for long terms means that we can connect to many people on many levels.

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Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:21pm

I don't believe in the "soul mate" concept either. Maybe I'm more cynical because I was divorced after 13 yrs. of marriage and now in the 2nd marriage, I find it a very difficult relationship. I think that when people do hear about finding their soul mate, though, they really might put so much pressure on the spouse to be everything in the world to them and I don't think that's possible. I think that even if you get along really well w/ your DH, you also need other friends who might compliment you in other areas. I think that's something you learn as you get older and that people shouldn't be disappointed when their spouse isn't 100% perfect in every way.

The funny thing is that I think my best friend is more my soul mate than any man I have been in a relationship with. We have been friends about 35 yrs. and we never have an argument. Maybe we wouldn't be able to stand living together but as far as friendships go, I have no doubt that we will be friends forever. Maybe it's because women tend to think more alike (no Mars vs. Venus stuff) or what, I don't know? My mother (who's 81) has had a good friend since jr. high. I wouldn't turn gay or anything, but I think if I got divorced again, I would be just as happy to just be w/ women friends than to try to find another guy. As I remarked one time when I first met in person a woman I had been chatting with on line, women aren't going to refuse to be your friend because they don't think you're pretty enough either.

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Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:26pm

I didn't mean to sound weird like soul mates is some kind of a hippie thought or anything hahahha. I just meant that if you find one person that you truely love and want to try to make a relationship with, unless you are like a very young teen, age doesn't always matter. A lot of people think you should look around before settling down, I just see both ways. You may look all your life and never find someone like the person you let go. I have friends that have been together since we were sophmores in high school and we are well.....50. They have fabulous marriage with two beautiful kids. And then I see my neighbors dd. She is a beautiful girl and a successful nurse. She dated a lot in high school and even in nursing school. She finally settled down at around 25 with what she thought was a wonderful guy. After ten years of marriage and two kids, he announced one day that he was gay and beat her up. He now lives with a 19 year old boy and he is almost 40.

There are just arguements for both if you know people that it worked both ways for. If my dd and her b/f want to try and make it work, we will stand by them. I wouldn't think of telling them, well you should look around. Again I say, I saw what that can do. It is their decision and they feel they met the person they could love forever and being almost 19 and 20 shouldn't make a difference.

Just my opinion!!

Andie

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:27pm
Now that kind of soul mate I can relate to - and I then would say I found mine when I was a senior in HS and he was already done (year older). But we were too immature to cope with the situation I mentioned about me hanging around with other guys (that were NO threat) - but yes, he was one that definitely could've been it forever. I still have very warm thoughts about that relationship even though I was only 17 when it started. And yes, that love at that time was just as strong - I hated when people said 'puppy love' at the time; it really wasn't.
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Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:42pm

I don't believe in "soul mates" either. I know that I love my DH very much and I know he feels the same. I don't want to imagine my life without him! However, I know that if something tragic happened or we ever got divorced for some reason as hard as it would be I would move on and be able to find love again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 6:53am
nope - I don't believe in soul mate. Like you, I'm very happy with my DH and love him very much, but that's the result of years of commitment and work. The belief in "magic" and "soul mate" is IMHO destructive because it doesn't encourage you to do the work it takes to keep the marriage together and happy. Also, what if you meet your soul mate AFTER you get married to someone else - that seems like permission to cheat!
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 12:33pm

I agree Pam. I think that the 'idea' of having a soulmate is a romantic notion and it's nice, but realistically, I believe along the same lines as you. I felt a great fit with H, but I can recall having doubts all along with my exh. We were perfect in many ways, but our core values were very different and I just wasn't in a good place to ditch him at the alter, like I probably should have. OTOH, I wouldn't have my two daughters if I had. I'm glad for that part of my life; it taught me a lot about life in general and about myself. I think it brought a perspective to parenting that I would not have had otherwise.

With H, there has always been great passion, across the board. We discuss things with passion, we argue with passion, we really have something unique, which is probably why I didn't give up on him when we were in a bad place last year. I feel I easily could have found someone else to fall in love with but he is the one I did fall in love with and we have a very strong bond. If that means we're soulmates, then so be it.

One of dd19's friends always refers to every BF as her soulmate. I once asked her how many does one person get? Haha- she didn't like that comment, but I think I made my point because she hasn't said it in a while!