Sports, the fairness/unfairness
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| Thu, 08-30-2007 - 10:01pm |
It is interesting to me that I got in the discussion with another thread today that made me feel as if I was cold hearted. Just last night, I went to bed thinking how sports in High School can be so unfair and so many times coaches don't see it, but it never seems to change. Its been like this for generations....really, everyone is out to win.
The reason I say this is because my 2nd DS 14 played his first High School football game last night and I sat in the stands feeling a bit mortified, sick to my stomach and really bad. Now you might think that this was because DS didn't get into the game.....no it was the total opposite.
DS was the Starting Kicker, Punter, Deep kick return (which the ball came to him every time. He was the Starting Running Back and played EVERY single play on offence the entire game. He was also a starting linebacker and for the first half played every play on defense, until finally he told the coaches he needed to catch his breath. They then put another guy in for the first 2 plays of the series so that DS could catch his breath and get a drink (98 degrees here yesterday).
Now mind you I am not complaining, but by the end of the game I was worried that DS could get hurt because he had to be so exhausted, but really this was why I felt so horrible;
There were parents all around me, cheering DS on and really being kind, all the while, their boys stood on the sidelines. Those boys have been at every practice at 6:00 a.m. with another practice 4th period and weights after school, just like DS. They are in the 9th grade for gosh sakes, and I just wish that they would all get the chance.
Again, I am happy for DS, but really, he would be quite happy playing one starting position and I am sure with 28 guys on the team they could put a few more boys in the 4 other positions that DS played last night.
It is Texas Football and believe me I know that they are out to win, but being a parent who has sat on both sides of this issue, I guess I feel better about that fact that my mind didn't change on this issue when my son was the one out on the field the whole game.
Just thought I would share my thoughts :)
Julie

Julie,
I've sat on both sides of this issue too - and I didn't like it looking at it from either side.
I am sooo glad we are done with sports!
I know now I was too caught up in it all but I sure didnt see it at the time. But it's hard not to be because it is such a big chunk of your time. You spend how many days a week with all these sports enthused, competitive parents and you lose a sense of 'normal'. Even if your kid is also in the photography club(which is unlikely because of the time commitment)its not like you are rubbing shoulders with those parents 3-4 days a week, often for hours at a time. I wish I had had more balance in my life though-spending time with parents other than sports parents(church, scouts,something)I think it would have helped me see things more evenly
And, something I discovered in the last of my sports attendance days, I did much better when I DIDNT attend all my kids sporting events
Sadly, that is likened to child abuse these days ;)
But, really, it was THEIR activity, not mine. I found they could come home and tell me about the game now; they would be excited and happy. I didnt know what kind of playtime they got or if they started and I really didn't care. I actually just had a pleasant conversation with my children about something that interested them
Family life was better;DH may have been ranting on the way home in the car but at least I wasnt in there ranting with him anymore. And the conversation didnt continue through the evening("can you believe they started A after he missed practice for vacation all last week?") We actually discussed other topics
So, Julie, if you ever find yourself getting too caught up, dont be afraid to miss some games. Really, it isnt bad parenting. Making the whole evening after a game about 'the game', being in an angry mood and stomping around pouting and/or cussing, forgetting the other kids in the family-THAT was bad parenting-I regret I went there :(
I hate to see kids sit there and never get off the bench!!!
The feelings expressed by all of you are mine, also. We're so glad to be done with sports and the politics of it all. DS17 was planning on trying out for the club (a travel team, second to varsity) soccer team at MSU. I was pretty neutral, reminding him that he better work out during the summer to stay in shape, knowing that he'd never make the team, but wanting him to get the exercise. When he and a couple of his friends went to registration/tryouts they found out that others had been in training for two weeks. Although one of DS's friends had emailed the coach inquiring about tryouts, there was no reply from him. And nothing on the club soccer website about pre-tryout training. The three of them decided not to try out, and instead play intramural. (I knew DS's chances were slim since all of last year's players were from Detroit, and only three of them were seniors.) Today I heard that only 4 of the 100 who tried out made it. I'm sure last year's players kept their HS senior buddies or past, fellow club players informed, but no one else.
As for playing time in HS, DS was one who got to play all the time, and we saw how wrong it was. Not only did the coaches play the same top players all the time, they never switched the positions in which they played. Then, when a few were out for injuries or suspensions, the team struggled because others didn't have the experience on the field or in a given position. If the weaker players had only been given more playing time, they'd have had more confidence and would have performed better when they were called up to play. And if coaches would at least take the time to find out where the kids prefer to play, they'd see how well they can perform when truly motivated. Instead, they follow their own game plan--pure top-down management from the stone age. Coaches minds are twisted and I believe that, in each case, the root of the twisting is the coach's big EGO!
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I am a parent of a sideliner. Ds is a wide reciever on his freshman team, but he's third string. He will most likely never see an actual game. He's been on the injured list this week as well which isn't helping much. He spained the little finger on his right hand. Kind of hard to throw a ball or catch a ball with your fingers taped together.
Personally I don't care if my son sees much playing time or not. He's a member of a team and it's the team that we are there to cheer on. Sure it would be nice to see my son out on the field, but playing time isn't really an issue for us, we knew going in that he wouldn't see much playing time.. if any.. and that was ok. My son is there because he loves the game and he loves being a part of team.
Enjoy your son being a starter. Teach him to know his own limitations and to not be afraid to speak up for himself when he's too tired or if he's a bit sore. (Very important for avoiding injuries).
stacy
It isn't sports but my dd is a competitive dancer and we see the very same issues. She is at a dance studio that participates in 4 or 5 competitions a year. We aren't in one of those super intense dance studios but we do go to some really good competitions with other studios in the region and sometimes into the US as well.
My dd has been dancing, devotedly and with great determination, for 13 years. She has been competing for 10 of those years. When you compete you are in several numbers which could be large groups, small groups, duets/trios or solos. Obviously the "better" you are the more smaller groups you are in and in larger groups you would be down front most often featured doing special parts of the choreography.
My dd has been dancing for years. She loves to dance but she isn't the strongest dancer in her group. She does very well but there are girls who dance with her who are amazing performers and technicians and that means they are ALWAYS in the front and featured. Sometimes there will be small groups formed of the girls she dances with and maybe my dd and one or two other girls are the only ones not included because they aren't deemed "good enough". My dd doesn't plan on being a professional dancer and she has resigned herself to never being the girl in front. And when we watch a number that we've filmed or something she's just "oh look I'm in front for a few counts!!!" and "hey I did that okay!" but most often its "there I am! the one way in the back!".
And she's okay with it but it breaks my heart sometimes because I wonder if her dance instructor would just spend a little more time and energy with her and build up her confidence and esteem, she could do some of the more difficult stuff. Most years its the same girls, same families with all the good parts, good numbers etc. Every year when its time for me to sign up and re-register her (this costs tons of $$$) its "she's doing so well" and "we'll put her in this and this number next year..." and then doesn't happen. The classes are all structured around the "stars" of the group, they get scheduling changes done for them, enterred into special competitions and referred for auditions etc. And there's tons of politics and drama around all this activity.
This is my dd's final year in competitive dancing. We're going to make the best of it and then she's going to just dance recreationally in her final year of high school. I'll be so glad to be out of the drama and politics of the whole thing...
I'm coming into this from a very different perspective. I'm mom to 3 girls, none of whom was particularly interested in team sports during elementary school. I'm not sure if this is a national phenomenon or limited to my area, but if a kid doesn't play a sport for the first ten years of his/her life, the opportunities for picking it up later are extremely limited. These kids start playing competitively and intensively at ridiculously early ages.
So my 16 year old decided last year that she wanted to play jv lacrosse. She had absolutely no experience with this sport (or any other team sport). I was surprised that she was able to do this but made no objection. I figured that if she were allowed to participate that it must be a low key sort of arrangement. I was naive. I came to a game. She barely played, it was clear that she was seen as a liability, and the other parents at this game were rude, competitive, and distracting to the point that I sat, literally open-mouthed. I heard parents screaming at their kids to run this way or that, I heard parents screaming at OTHER kids, and I heard parents openly gossiping about kids and other parents. Ewww. I wanted no part of this. I wanted my kid to have no part of this. As the season progressed, she hated lacrosse and the kids on the team more and more. Worse yet, it affected every aspect of her life and she began to feel increasingly inadequate.
Did she learn her lesson? Of course not. This year, she decided she'd try jv soccer. My other daughter told me this was a very bad idea, that NO junior plays jv anything and that soccer is one of those sports that kids have played from the time they could manage their first steps. But try it she did and I'm already getting that clenched stomach feeling about it. She insists she likes it and that the kids on the team are nicer than those she met on lacrosse last year. We'll see how true this is after the games have started.
I wish I could send this kid back to her karate studio. She's a black belt and always comes out of a class feeling both energized and relaxed. If soccer or lacrosse gave her that same positive energy, I'd be thrilled. But all I see is a hypercompetitive, demeaning, ego-deflating experience. Why on earth isn't it ok to have a low key team that offers a not athletically gifted kid a chance to learn a sport without the pressure and high bar that goes with it?
Hey all,
Thanks for your thoughts on this, and I can see that many many parents here are on the same page with this. Believe me when I say that I have been on the other side than where 2nd DS is now, and as I said it seems not be a new thing with kids. just a side story,
When my older brother was in jr. high, he played all sports and was a pretty good athelete. He was a catcher in baseball and did so well in his summer league that he was picked to be on the area all star team. There was one other catcher on the team and their play time was split pretty evenly. They did so well that they won the State. From there they made it to the Little League World Series. At this point, new coaches came in, one being the father of the other catcher. Our whole family traveled the Williamsburg PA to go to the LLWS. Do you know that that coach did not put my brother in one inning of one game that they played at the Little League World Series....yep, played his own kid the whole time :( My brother laughs about it now, but man was it heart breaking.
Oh well, it is really interesting to hear others.....mostly feeling the same way, even if our kids are the starters. Here's hoping that coaches see these kids sitting on the sidelines at young ages and "put 'em in the game coach" :)
Julie
Last night we had our fall sports kick-off tailgate party at the school.
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM