a startling discovery

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
a startling discovery
4
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 6:16pm
i was in my 17 year old daughter's room a few days ago. while i was in her room, i saw her diary. it was not hidden away, but it was not open on her desk. i admit that i read through her diary and was shocked at what i read. in it, my daughter mentioned going to parties, drinking, smoking marijuana, and a few guys she met at these "parties". my daughter is a straight A student and has very big goals she hopes to achieve in life. i have told her to stay away from drugs and alcohol, but it seems she has gone against my wishes. i love her very much and don't want her to get hurt, but at the same time i did violate her privacy. i understand that these "teen parties" are part of growing up but how should i deal with her now?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 8:07pm
I suspect that some type of 'mothers instinct' made you glance at her diary laying out in the open and IMO that's fair game.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:22pm
Have a woman-to-woman talk with her about life.
Flip everything arround. It is not tha she "went against your wishes" but she is engaging in activity that is dangerous to her emotional and physical well-being. Also, it is only thing to get straight As in highschool but in college/university partying and good marks don't mix. If she is serious about her goals, she has to make it happen. That means taking care of herself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 6:47am

ITA with making it a discussion about risky behaviors and how they could impact her future goals for herself rather than emphasizing how she went against your wishes and violated your trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 1:27pm

I agree w/ what everyone else said about talking to your DD. But I have to add that my DD is an A student and she admitted to me that she has tried alcohol and she is one of the ones who drinks the least. She told me that most of her friends drink and these are all the A students, athletes, top of the class. so it's not that unusual, even though we wish they wouldn't do it.

The trick, which I haven't figure out either, is how to get them to do everything in moderation. At some point, drinking alcohol will be legal. I'm not against drinking a little, but I sure don't want her to become a binge drinker or an alcoholic.