Stepdaughter & cellphone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Stepdaughter & cellphone
9
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 2:48pm

I just reviewed our cell phone bill for this month and discovered my 16 y.o. SD has incurred about $40 extra in charges this month, mostly due to text messaging (and she also downloaded a couple of games). This doesn't sound that bad, except for the history we have had w/ her and the cell, which I thought was solved this year.

It started more than a year ago. We had gotten both girls (I also have a 17 y.o. DD) cell phones and have a family plan. Well, last year, my DSD went crazy w/ the cell phone and went way over the shared minutes, mostly because she was using it during the day time. Why she would be doing this at home when she could just use the home phone for free is beyond me, except that sometimes she shows a lack of common sense. Well, my DH wasn't keeping up on the bills either (plus I think she was hiding the bills if she got the mail) and we ended up paying hundreds of $$s. Since this was not the only thing she was doing wrong last year, there was a lot of family conflict & drama, which has mostly gone away. She ended up not having the phone for most of the summer.

So at the beinning of the school year we sat down w/ her & talked about the phone. A counsellor had suggested one of those pay as you go plans, but for the small amt. of money we are spending to have her on the family plan (which we would still have to pay for since the contract hasn't ended) she would really not be able to use it except in an emergency, so she might as well not have the phone at all. After not liking that option, she promised to behave and all was pretty well. When she made her confimation, her dad got her a camera phone. She really only takes pics and stores them on the camera, she doesn't even print them out. Well, when my DH signed her up, I noticed that he also added her on for text messaging at an extra cost. I thought it was for unlimited, but apparently, it only give you 200 texts a month and this month she must have used about 400, therefore the extra cost. Now my DH can really be oblivious about stuff and who knows if he even told her that there was only 200 a month, so it might not be totally her fault. I'm not looking forward to telling him though cause he can lose his temper and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but since she doesn't have a job, I can't ask her for the money, and I don't want to get stuck w/ this bill again, so I have no choice.

The thing that really burns me up also is that a couple of weeks ago, my DD asked him (since the bill is in his name, he feels that he's the only one who has any say in this, although the money comes out of our joint account) if she could have text messaging and she said she would pay for it herself (she does have a job). He just put her off. I thought that was pretty unfair, but didn't want to press it at the time because his brother was in the hospital and just died, so it wasn't a priority. Now because of his DD, my DD probably won't be able to have texting. Not that I think it's a necessity or anything, but my DD has been totally responsible when it comes to the phone and everything else.

Now I can't want to see what he does when he finds out his DD was on the phone late at night on school nights when she was supposed to be sleeping, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:38pm
There are so many different phones out there but if your DSD is able to text message and download games then she certainly should be able to view her account right in her menu on the phone to see how many text messages and minutes she used. If it's possible to give your SD the benefit of the doubt that she really didn't know the maximum text messaging then in the future there will be no excuse and can agree on an overage plan now as to how she would pay for it or what the punishment will be. As to her current overage, can she work off the money owed??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:57pm

I suppose she could do extra chores or something. When the kids were all too little to work, if they wanted something extra, we would have them do chores. At the time they turn 16, I feel they should get a job and actually pay for some of their own stuff. Even if they are doing chores I am working and spending the money. I thnk they only learn the value of money when they have to work at a real job for someone else.

My DH just called and I told him. He was pretty calm but he actually thought the $10/month was for unlimited texts. He said to call and cancel it. He isn't good w/ details. He said "she'll have to pay for that." She just did some babysitting for her cousins and helped her uncle w/ a magic show, so this week she probably earned about $80. I wonder how much she'll have to contribute. I hope he makes her pay just so she will think twice about it. With the last bill, she did get punished by having the cell phone taken away, but if it was my DD, I would have made her get a job to at least pay for some of it. That really would have made her think.

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 7:31pm
I would call the cell company and tell them that you understood the fee to be for unlimited text messaging and see if you can work a deal about the overage, since somehow, you were misinformed. Even if you can't find out what the fee is FOR unlimited text messaging for both girls. Seems to me if one has it, they should both have it, if they both want it. If only one can have it, then I honestly think the oldest one should have it, regardless who's child she is. That's tough to say, too, because I'm the youngest and that happened a lot in our family where the oldest one got stuff because she was the oldest and the rest of us had to wait our turns for stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 10:03pm

Cell phones can be such a pain in the behind! Since it's not clear that DSD understood that the text messaging was limited, I would stress to DH that his DD be asked to work off the bill by doing extra chores. Talk to her and make sure she understands the limitations on this for the future. Also show her how to check the # of text messages that she has used in a month - I myself don't have a clue how to do that but your provider should be able to explain it.

So far as her talking late at night, I made my DD leave her cell phone downstairs at night until she turned 18. This started b/c of a problem with her ex b/f but it turned out to be a wonderful solution to many problems. She didn't get so dependent on using the cell at home. When she went to bed at night, she would use the house phone to call her b/f to say goodnight. If I suspected she was on the phone too late, I could just roll over and pick up my extention. Now that she's 18, she's allowed to take her cell phone upstairs but she still calls him on the house phone.

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 9:22am

My son has a tracfone. We bought the phone and the initial one year worth of service. $120. It's up to my son to keep minutes on his phone and he has to pay for that out of his allowance, yard work money etc... We will continue to pay for one years worth of service, but extra minutes are up to him.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 10:38am

My DH told me to call and cancel text messaging altogether which is the best solution I think. I don't really understand why they have to text if they have a phone and can just call anyway. It seems more of a hassle to me to have to type in the letters. Now he probably won't let my DD have texting either (and to the other poster, my DD is the oldest. I think one down side about being the oldest is that the parents have to try out everything on them. Then if it works, they are more lenient w/ the younger kids.)

We could have my DSD leave her phone downstairs, but she is very sneaky, which is what got her into a lot of trouble in the first place. Since her bedroom is next to ours, we used to be able to hear her when she was on the phone at night. My DH would go in her room and say, "who are you talking to?" and she would actually say "I'm not talking." as if we were a couple of idiots. Then he would ask where her phone was, which she usually left on her desk, and she would pretend she couldn't find it cause of course it was in her bed. That caused a lot of taking away the phone for a while. Now when we have the a/c on, it drowns out noise so we can't hear her. I am disappointed that she is a person who tries to see what she can get away with and sneaks around. I am hoping that it doesn't lead to any worse behavior. She is going into 11th grade next year. 10th grade was ok, but in 9th, she skipped a lot of school and failed some classes. I think she passed last year, although my DH mentioned that he didn't know what was taking so long for the school to send the report cards in the mail. Somehow my DD got her report card but his DD didn't. He wondered if she actually could be trying to hide her report card from him. I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 4:04pm

I tend to agree with cancelling the text messaging. We don't have it on our phones and it's not really a problem. DD asked a couple of times but when we pointed out how much a year's worth would cost, she agreed it wasn't necessary.

DD tried to sneak her phone upstairs a few times so I started keeping it in my bedroom next to my bed. She realized I meant business.

Also, I think maybe DH should call the school and ask about the report card. School will be starting again soon and he may need to make arrangements for a summer tutor or a different course schedule for next year.

Consistency will be the key to getting DSD to get over this. I had to make it my business to know all of DDs business for a while. I snooped and really checked up on her. If she said she was at X's house, I would drive by X's house to make sure her b/f's truck was there and also to make sure it was a calm enough place to be. I had her call me sometimes using the house phone so I could see the home phone number on the caller id and verify she was were she said she was. Once she realized that we didn't trust her one little bit, she began to work very hard to get herself together and earn that trust back. Things will probably never be quite the same and they shouldn't be - we all realize that trust is earned and not given blindly.

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 2:52pm

My DH did call the school--noone is there now. I told him to try the school dept.He kind of drops the ball sometimes on things. Like he has never gone to one of the school meetings w/ the teachers. However, his DD will swear to him that she didn't know it was coming up. The school does have a website, so I'll have to look at it to try to let him know.

Now he mentioned to me that she is supposed to pay for the extra $40 in calls this month, but when we were in Target yesterday, she spent $65 of her babysitting money on a DVD series. Where is the $40? I didn't want to ask in the store.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:40am

My dd likes the text messaging because it allows her to communicate without using her "anytime" minutes, so she usually deosn't go over on her minutes. They don't seem to mind typing in the words. The bad thing about the text messaging is that it lets them be on the phone without parents teachers etc hearing anything, although you can tell by watching that they are looking intently at something.

I don't think I would cancel texting for the entire plan. I would find out how much it would cost for unlimited text messages. You could require each of the girls to give you a "security deposit" for cell phone overtime charges so you would have something to apply to the bills if they go over. Also make sure that they know how to check their usage through the phone and/or online. I don't think it is fair to penalize one girl because her step-sister messed up.

When we did not trust our dd with the cell phone at night it had to go on the charger when she came home from school or where ever. It helped to limit the dependence on the cell phone. I kept the charger in my room so I could see if the phone was there before I went to bed, it made it easier to keep track of. I also monitored the usage of minutes online so *I* knew if she was going to go over. (I could see the actual call log only on the monthly bill) I don't know how that works with your carrier or with a family plan but it is worth looking into.